Pitchfork

GWAR has found a new way of waking the maggot which will set them free from their imprisonment on our disgusting planet Earth: action figures. Oh yes, action figures. I mean, if My Chemical Romance, Ghostface, and the Coctails already have 'em, what's taken GWAR so frickin long?

The company Shocker Toys has announced that they have acquired the rights to make cute little dollys out of the gross-out metal band. The set will include tiny versions of members Oderus Urungus, Flattus Maximus, Beefcake the Mighty, Jizmak Da Gusha, and Balsac the Jaws of Death. Perfect for your seven-year-old nephew or niece.

Set for release this summer in specialty stores and mass retailers, the company will make the action figures in their signature Shockini form: little blocks with sturdy joints and a lot of movement; 18 points of articulation to be exact, so the figurines got moves like you wouldn't believe. We wouldn't expect anything less from GWAR, honestly.

The toys will be available as six-to-eight-inch fully sculpted figures of the band as well as shrunk down, three-inch versions. And at $15 a pop, they offer much more bang for your buck than those $65 Glenn Danzig jobs from Medicom toys. C'mon, cheap dolls of interplanetary warriors or expensive yelling tiny man? No contest.

The GWAR dolls will come with "murderous accessories" and a GWAR comic book. You have nothing to lose in this buy. Except your life. Because obviously these toys will come alive, rock your head off, and then eat the rest of you.

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