BSD

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BSD, the Badass Software Distribution is virtually unstoppable, all the time. It was an early attempt at copying Linux but the 40 über codemonkeys who maintain it, forgot to add semicolons and thus BSD has been dying now for about 10 years, ironically as long as all of the BSD servers have been running without a reboot. No one is really sure why it's still around. It's such shit that they are giving it out for free.

Like all UNIX systems, BSD is flamboyantly gay at its core; unlike the self-deluded closeted homosexuals of the Linux community, however, BSD users freely admit their love of buttsecks and their plans to make way for an entirely-homosexual society.

 
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As compatible as McKusick and Allman seem now, it was hardly love at first byte. Back at Berkeley in 1976, when Allman first tried to interface with McKusick about a date, McKusick's closeted response included a menacing look. Three years later McKusick finally scrounged up the courage to cope with his sexuality by attending a gay rap session at Berkeley and found shaggy-haired Allman tossing smug "I knew it" grins from across the semicircle. They bonded over a lengthy chat about computers later that evening and began building a relationship in which each would stake a claim for a piece of cyberspace history.
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There is some sort of perverse pleasure in knowing that it's basically impossible to send a piece of hate mail through the Internet without its being touched by a gay program. That's kind of funny.
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—Eric Allman

Contents

FreeBSD

weev using an intelligent, logically conclusive monologue to convey the advantages of NetBSD to FreeBSD advocates
weev using an intelligent, logically conclusive monologue to convey the advantages of NetBSD to FreeBSD advocates

Like all BSDs a parody of UNIX. The least notable part of this operating system is the fact that many FreeBSD developers frequent ED and/or insub and create plenty of drama and lulz for all of the Internets to enjoy. Anyone who uses BSD is never going to get laid. This is a fact.

Developers of note include flata, Darren Reed, Alfred Perlstein, Cameron Grant, and Girlvinyl. Non-developers of note include Stevie Wonder, Helen Keller and Ray Charles. No new developers are allowed on the team unless they have some sort of personality disorder.

In a surprise decision, on October 5, 2005 the FreeBSD project decided that blind, lynx, and hiptop users would no longer be allowed to use FreeBSD. This was accomplished by altering their website to cripple any browser or screenreader that didn't comply with the W3C's rigorous "Best viewed with Internet Explorer (more like Internet Exploder, amirite?) at 800x600" standard. At a press conference, when asked to comment on the sudden cutoff of blind uses, a spokesman said only "lol tards".

NetBSD

NetBSD is the BSD known for once having the most homoerotic logo, and now having the most pukingly politically correct one. It also comes in Wasabi flavour. This can run on any plaform, even the horribly plauged crapples.

OpenBSD

OpenBSD is a BSD based UNIX-like operating system created by the nerd Theo de Raadt. Hacker Drama seems to follow this operating system especially when remote exploits are found in OpenSSH. This operating system is so secure that it cannot even be used as a server.

Mac OS X

An operating system made for people who want to be trendy. It has a loyal following that never goes away, similar to herpes. These people get to together every six months for conventions where they imitate the furry pile. Bantown is infested with these faggots.

DragonflyBSD

Like FreeBSD, but with some shiny new toys that only the most 1337 of geeks could ever appreciate. Nothing to see here. Also very useful if you like pkg_add errors.

The DragonFly project is a fork of FreeBSD 4.10, created by Matthew Dillon in an attempt to reinvent the Amiga. This is doomed to failure as Dillon did so with insufficient drama and he is not a big enough asshole to ensure success of yet another BSD fork.

PC BSD

BSD doing its best Red Hat imitation but not doing a good enough job. PC BSD is like the nerd who shows up to the prom with an imaginary girlfriend.

DeadBSD

We made this one up, sorry.

HawkinsOS

An imaginary BSD thought up by a slashdot troll who had a sudden crisis of identity on OSnews. Lulz ensued.


NaziBSD

a typical NaziBSD user.
a typical NaziBSD user.

A BSD distro used by Nazi's. NaziBSD is similair to FreeBSD but is unique in that it has no alt-tab feature to hide Porn, because FreeBSD does not support the more popular browsers, such as blind, lynx, and hiptop. NaziBSD has made use of the popular form of communication, the internets, to host images of their users shoulders. This is to attract 4chan users and bears to their daughters, as to allow their species to continue existance.

Furries and BSD

Furries currently do not differentiate between BSD's in FurCode (as of version 1.3). As of version 2.0, approxamently 4000 satanists run FreeBSD, though we all know these are Lunix carpet munchers infesting BSD with crabs which makes many of them more furry. 6000 other users are simply clueless ports maintainers who are open to the possibility of furry activity with other free and broken operating system users, such as those from FurryBSD and the BrokenSolaris Nevada project, both of which consist of large cactus needles

See Also

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