Fundraiser doesn't strike her as fun

February 14, 2009

Dear Amy: There was a time when no one in my neighborhood would consider sending their kids to the public schools—everyone moved or went to private schools.

Recent columns

• Is there a way to skip Valentine's Day?

  February 13, 2009

  Dear Amy: Well, Valentine's Day is approaching once again, and I find myself alone. Once again. I am a woman in my mid-30s, was briefly married many years ago and have had few relationships ever since. I feel as if I've tried absolutely everything to find a mate, and the results are, well, not great. Lots of dates, lots of duds.

• An uncomfortable 'friend' request

  February 12, 2009

  Dear Amy: My cousin, who unloaded a rant on me years ago, has never explained, apologized or even acknowledged that she did anything inappropriate.

• She has just cause to avoid her brother

  February 11, 2009

  Dear Amy: I am one of seven children, all of whom are over the age of 40.

• Grandma blatantly plays favorites

  February 10, 2009

  Dear Amy: My husband and I were married two years ago. He has a boy (14) and a girl (9) from his first marriage, and I have a boy (10) and a girl (13) from mine.

• Is engaged friend in danger?

  February 9, 2009

  Dear Amy: My friend is in love and wants to marry a man she met a couple of years ago. Last year he killed her 10-year-old pet in a deliberate and heinous act of violence. Weeks before this happened, she told me she strongly suspected that he was abusive.

• Ask Amy: Give 'hot' goods the cold shoulder

  February 8, 2009

  Dear Amy: I'm a high school freshman in a predicament.

• Divorced dad struggles with daughter

  February 7, 2009

  Dear Amy: My wife divorced me four years ago. At the time, I thought I knew why. We have a teen daughter—she was 11 at the time.

• Generous dad looks for limits

  February 6, 2009

  Dear Amy: I made a commitment to send my daughter on a Caribbean cruise for her 21st birthday.

• Daughter's wielding the power

  February 5, 2009

  Dear Amy: My husband's daughter and her friends followed us (in her father's car) to a college game this past weekend. He told his daughter they could stay an extra hour after the game, and then they needed to drive back home. On our drive home she phoned him to tell him that she was spending the night with a friend (she is 17). He told her "no" and said that she needed to come home. She didn't come home until the next morning.

• A nosy Nellie needs to chill out

  February 4, 2009

  Dear Amy: Is it possible for a single woman and a married man to be "just friends?"

• The undependable guests

  February 3, 2009

  Dear Amy: My husband and I have been friends with another married couple for several years. When we have parties, they frequently decline with reasonable and understandable excuses. However, the day before or the day of the party, they will then call me to say that their original plans fell through and they are free to come.

• Dad creates an emotional chasm

  February 2, 2009

  Dear Amy: I am 28 years old and had my first baby (a beautiful little girl) four months ago.

• Son's fiance's request for wedding funding isn't out of bounds

  February 1, 2009

  Dear Amy: My son and future daughter-in-law are both in the military and have recently become engaged. They plan to get married this summer.

• Friendship chokes over dining

  January 31, 2009

  Dear Amy: My best friend recently became a vegan. She no longer eats meat or any animal product, including cheese, milk, butter and eggs.

• Ask Amy: Speak up about dirty apartment

  January 30, 2009

  Dear Amy: I have been in a relationship with a fantastic guy for about six months.

• Confronting Dad a bad idea

  January 29, 2009

  Dear Amy: I'm a 23-year-old college senior and the first one in my family to attend a university. My brother is 9.

• She's in an academic tailspin

  January 28, 2009

  Dear Amy: I am a 15-year-old girl and have always done well in school, up until now, and if I don't get my grades up soon, I will fail the 10th grade. I think my grades have dropped because of a family issue.

• Old photos have become embarrassing

  January 26, 2009

  Dear Amy: I'm in my mid-20s, and I just finished my master's degree. I maintain contact with several colleagues and other professional contacts on a popular social networking Web site.

• Brother's fiance can be Jekyll/Hyde

  January 25, 2009

  Dear Amy: My brother recently got engaged to a woman who can be incredibly fun, kind, generous and gracious. However, at a moment's notice, she can become offended and become very passive-aggressive and refuse to admit that anything is wrong (much less tell us what offended her).

• Ask Amy: Friend has eating disorder

  January 24, 2009

  Dear Amy: I'm 20 years old and have a best friend whom I care for a great deal.

• Ask Amy: Boyfriend not trying to get a job

  January 23, 2009

  Dear Amy: I am 30, and my boyfriend is 32. We have been together for eight months. We are looking at this relationship as one that will lead to marriage.

• Ask Amy: A mother-in-law's manners

  January 22, 2009

  Dear Amy: I was recently married, and my mother-in-law has welcomed me into the family. Other than a regular plea that we provide her with grandchildren, she's not totally overbearing.

• Mom's actions, past upset daughter

  January 21, 2009

  Dear Amy: Over the last decade I have learned many disturbing stories about my mother. These have changed my opinion of her and driven a wedge between us.

• Ask Amy

  January 20, 2009

  Dear Amy: My grown son's girlfriend dresses in a very bizarre, clownish manner, layering mismatched, oversize rainbow-colored clothes over herself. Her attire is not just funky, but it is beyond the pale in terms of strangeness and embarrasses me in front of friends and family.

• The moody, adolescent ingrate

  January 19, 2009

  Dear Amy: One of our grandsons (age 111/2) visited us over the holidays, along with his three younger sisters.

• Tell pal's husband to back off

  January 18, 2009

  Dear Amy: We have become friendly with another couple through our grade-school daughters, who are close friends.

• Music brings sad reminder of lost brother

  January 17, 2009

  Dear Amy: Twenty years ago my big brother died as a young man after a grueling cancer battle. Talk about a promising life cut short. He held a PhD in physics, was a genius and a well-liked guy.

• Facing financial crisis with faith

  January 16, 2009

  Dear Amy: My husband is a walking financial disaster. He doesn't listen to me. He thinks he knows it all. We have lost our home to foreclosure and are really struggling. We have been married for 13 years and have three children. He has always been a stubborn person. He is not teachable and does not take anyone's advice.

• Her name has gone to old crush's dog; social differences end relationship

  January 15, 2009

  Dear Amy: I used be good friends with "Martin" in college. I was pretty much in love with him for almost two years, but we were never more than friends.

• Intent is key in informing on affair

  January 14, 2009

  Dear Amy: I discovered e-mails, pictures and phone records that indicate my husband is having a torrid affair (his third). The woman is a self-described conservative Christian, married and with two young children.

• Friends, volunteering help in tough times

  January 13, 2009

  Dear Amy: In the last couple of years I lost my best friend in an accident and my job (along with my health insurance and pension). Then I took in my elderly mother, whom I cared for until her death. I also lost my beloved little dog around the same time.

• Counseling a must, even if wife won't go

  January 12, 2009

  Dear Amy: My wife and I have been married for 23 years, and in the last year things have taken a turn for the worse. She spent the holidays away from me because I didn't want to visit the same people she did.

• 9 is old enough for good manners

  January 11, 2009

  Dear Amy: I do not want to sound like a stuffed shirt, but what manners should I expect from my 9-year-old nephew? My brother and I were raised in a strict family where manners were stressed. I have been told that it is easy for me to be critical when I do not have children, however, in my opinion that is a cop-out.

• Ex's e-mails causing worry

  January 10, 2009

  Dear Amy: Out of the blue, I've been contacted by an ex. I'd be happy never to speak to this person again; we had a brief relationship several years ago, which represents part of my past that I'd rather forget.

• Late bloomer seeks dating tips

  January 9, 2009

  Dear Amy: I am a 31-year-old single female with no children. I am approached by men wanting to go out on dates often, but I haven't wanted to date anyone until now.

• Sisters breaking off communication

  January 8, 2009

  Dear Amy: Over the past year, my 42-year-old sister has for some reason decided she does not need family anymore.

• He wasn't invited to niece's wedding

  January 7, 2009

  Dear Amy: I have been a househusband for the last 20 years. I have six sisters and no brothers. Recently, one of my sister's daughters was married, and I was intentionally not invited. Through the family grapevine, I learned that it was my niece's choice.

• Ex-boyfriend may not want 'closure'

  January 6, 2009

  Dear Amy: I'm happily married with four wonderful children. I have a great husband and a great career.

• Boyfriend gives her the cold shoulder

  January 5, 2009

  Dear Amy: My boyfriend of two years and I have been living together for four months. I uprooted my life and moved 2,000 miles to be with him.

• When friendship ends, let bride have the dress

  January 4, 2009

  Dear Amy: My best friend and I recently had an amicable split, realizing that we've grown apart and no longer have that close bond of friendship.

• Rabbi spreads the news about illnesses

  January 3, 2009

  Dear Amy: I belong to a synagogue that recently got a new rabbi. He has a policy that I find very disturbing. In the past, when a member of the congregation was ill or hospitalized, our former rabbi would share that information with senior clergy, and, if the person had requested help or visitors, with the chairman of the committee that arranged such things.

• Mother of the groom beside herself

  January 2, 2009

  Dear Amy: To keep the invitees to our son's wedding at a reasonable number, we chose not to invite cousins of the bride's and groom's parents.

• Cute boy overshadows quiet sister

  January 1, 2009

  Dear Amy: My two children recently performed at church with the youth choir. My 5-year-old son, who is very animated, was in the front row, so most of the congregation could see him. My 8-year-old daughter, who is quiet, was two rows away and also sang.

• Sour relative won't apologize

  December 31, 2008

  Dear Amy: A close relative has a miserable disposition with family but is the life of the party with everyone else. Everyone in the family has been repeatedly hurt by her behavior after bending over backward to make her happy. Nothing is ever good enough.

• Girlfriend has packed on some pounds

  December 30, 2008

  Dear Amy: My long-term girlfriend has gained some weight during the course of our relationship. She seemed happier and more confident when she weighed less.

• Daughter married to a jerk

  December 29, 2008

  Dear Amy: My 25-year-old daughter has two children and is married to a controlling, manipulative, verbally abusive man without an honest job.

• Best pal's gal should be off-limits

  December 28, 2008

  Dear Amy: Recently I've lost one of my greatest friends because I've been conversing with his girlfriend of six months, but he is confusing conversation with flirting. Within a day, our relationship has gone from friends to enemies.

• Some secrets should not be kept

  December 27, 2008

  Dear Amy: My best friend's dad has extreme anger problems.

• Smoking harms health, friendship

  December 26, 2008

  Dear Amy: We have become best friends with our neighbors, and we spend quite a bit of time together. Unfortunately, they're smokers. We're not.

• Young couple stops having sex

  December 25, 2008

  Dear Amy: My 18-year-old daughter has been dating her boyfriend for more than a year. They have been sexually active for more than half of that time.

• Readers offer more ways to replace traditional gifts with support for charities

  December 24, 2008

  Dear Readers: Recently I ran a letter from "Far-Away Family" that detailed the writer's effort to rework the traditional gift exchange. I suggested that the family could exchange holiday letters and family photos instead of more material gifts this year.

• Guest a hazard at holiday party

  December 23, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have a holiday party every year for about 60 people. Sometimes bottlenecks develop between rooms. If guests want to move from room to room, most people wait patiently or "slither" gracefully between the guests

• A question of grace for atheists

  December 22, 2008

  Dear Amy: I come from an atheist family. As I have grown up, I've come to draw my own conclusions about my beliefs. The majority of my family remains atheist because teachings of religion are "just not for them."

• Assume your gaydar is on the fritz

  December 21, 2008

• Couple don't like friend's cooking

  December 20, 2008

  Dear Amy: My husband and I are very friendly with a couple whom we enjoy very much. We vacation with them and spend time with them in social gatherings.

• Wife's brother's stay causes strain

  December 19, 2008

• Boyfriend's exes are too friendly

  December 18, 2008

• Ex isn't taking no for an answer

  December 17, 2008

  Dear Amy: I'm a 21-year-old female college student. I dated a guy my age for almost six months, but I ended the relationship last year. I didn't feel we were compatible. I do have some feelings for him, but I have told him that they aren't enough for me to want to get back together with him. We are still friends and hang out. A few days ago, he told me he is still in love with me.

• Passively aggressive couple in crisis

  December 16, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have been married for 27 years. My husband isn't successful professionally, so I support our family through a job an hour's commute away. Several years ago I found a bunch of porn videos in his home office, told him they were sexist and demeaning of women, and threw them away. I told him he had to stop or we were finished.

• Reach out to the less fortunate

  December 15, 2008

  Dear Readers: This is the time of year when many people choose to celebrate their own blessings by giving to others.

• Husband follows pals to strip club

  December 14, 2008

  Dear Amy: For several years, my husband has attended a "boys" golf weekend and other outings with a group of men in their 50s and 60s. Their activities are planned by other individuals. Until recently, I have always been supportive of my husband's opportunity to relax and spend time with his buddies.

• Couple consider taking a break

  December 13, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have been dating my boyfriend for almost three years. I am deeply in love with him and know that I could stay with him for years to come. I am concerned, however, because our relationship is the first serious relationship either of us has had.

• Wedding photo unappreciated

  December 12, 2008

  Dear Amy: My wife and I sponsored our son's wedding a few years ago. It was held overseas, and we paid for everything, including a photography session that resulted in some high-quality wedding photos. One was a portrait of our son and his bride.

• Discontinuing gifts to ungrateful relatives

  December 11, 2008

  Dear Amy: Every year my wife's two sisters and their families meet for Hanukkah and exchange gifts. Two years ago, when we first went to this annual event, the host sister advised us in advance about this gift-giving tradition, so we showed up with presents for all. We did the same last year.

• Adding sex back into relationship

  December 10, 2008

  Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for seven years. We're in our early 30s, have two children and a nice house, but truth be told, we aren't having enough sex.

• How to reward sister for mother's care

  December 9, 2008

  Dear Amy: My elderly mother recently had heart bypass surgery and elected to go home rather than to a care facility when she was released from the hospital. My youngest sister, who lives in the same city––my other siblings and I all live hundreds of miles away—has been taking daily care of her.

• Dad wants son to change name

  December 8, 2008

  Dear Amy: I'm a step-grandmother to a neat young man of 13. My stepdaughter had the child when she was 17, and she raised him for years as a single mother with no support from the father. Though my stepdaughter has sole custody, the child sees his dad on the weekends.

• Dressing up doesn't have to disguise the real you

  December 7, 2008

  Dear Amy: I'm in my mid-20s. I've spent most of my life in jeans and T-shirts. Dresses make me profoundly uncomfortable, and I don't exactly have the best body.

• Daughter's boyfriend may be a thief

  December 6, 2008

  Dear Amy: I need some advice on handling a terrible situation. My daughter, 27, is in a relationship with a friend turned boyfriend. They've known each other for about three years.

• Neighbors like freebie vacation home

  December 5, 2008

  Dear Amy: We own a vacation home that we occasionally rent out. It's not a rental machine, but we do try to screen tenants and rent it a few times a month to help with the mortgage. We rent it for $165 a night plus a cleaning fee—three-night minimum. The expenses run $1,000 a month.

• Teen feels pressure from aunt to drink

  December 4, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have been married for 22 years to a great man. We have two children, ages 19 and 16. My problem is my husband's family.

• Put nosy visitor in her place

  December 3, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have a problem with the mother of my daughter's school friend. She has no defined sense of boundaries.

• Never too late to make changes

  December 2, 2008

  Dear Amy: My wife and I have been married for five years. This is a second marriage for us both. Combined we have six children and three grandchildren.

• Hairdresser or drug connection?

  December 1, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have had the same hairdresser for the past five years. We have always had a comfortable and friendly stylist/customer relationship, until recently. I told him I could not lay my head back in the washing bowl because I had just had neck surgery.

• Dad's anger makes him an unfit parent

  November 30, 2008

  Dear Amy: I was dating a man for 2 1/2 years who was physically and emotionally abusive. We had a daughter together and he had "changed" so I thought everything would be OK.

• Teen, mom need to make peace

  November 29, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am a 17-year-old senior in high school. Up until a few days ago, my mom was my best friend. I had an outburst and said some very hurtful things to her in anger, including the fact that I couldn't wait to get away from her (and go to college).

• It's the holidays—time to heal family rifts

  November 28, 2008

  Dear Readers: I recently ran a letter from "In Tears," whose children don't include her in holiday celebrations.

• Amy's tips for making multiple meals go smoothly

  November 27, 2008

  1. Be organized. Calculate travel times and map the route to your dinner venues in advance. If the host lets you contribute a dish to the dinner, keep a cooler in the trunk of your car with your multiple dinner offerings or bottles of wine—and throw in a small box of chocolates for your hosts to enjoy later.

• Sisters divided over pregnancy in family

  November 27, 2008

  Dear Amy: My older sister and I are at odds about our 15-year-old niece's pregnancy (she is our younger sister's daughter). I have no children of my own, but I love both of my sister's children as if they were my own.

• Only one wants to marry

  November 26, 2008

  Dear Amy: What do you do if you're in a fantastic relationship with a compatible and good person, but the timing is off?

• Family in crisis after patriarch's injury

  November 25, 2008

  Dear Amy: My husband was in a work-related accident, resulting in severe brain damage. The doctors say he will never be the same. Before the accident, my children talked to us about everything; we were a very close family.

• Newlywed thinks of abusive ex

  November 24, 2008

  Dear Amy: I recently got married to a great guy. I sometimes feel as if he is not interested in me or that something is missing from our new marriage. I feel disconnected from him.

• Finders keepers for $1,000 surprise

  November 23, 2008

  Dear Amy: There was a story in the news recently about a child who found $1,000 inside a videotape at a Salvation Army store.

• Daughter drinking, doing drugs

  November 22, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have a daughter who is 18 and started college this year. She has started drinking and occasionally doing drugs. She believes it is possible to balance these activities along with studying.

• Anonymous letter about infidelity

  November 21, 2008

  Dear Amy: I received a typed, anonymous letter marked "Private" in the mail today at my business. It reads: "Your husband cheated on you. Or has been having an affair. I don't know which."

• Daughter Christian, boyfriend Muslim

  November 20, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am worried sick about my daughter. She's 25 years old and has been dating a man for more than a year. They are very serious. The problem: He is a Muslim, and we are Christian.

• Photo outlasts marriage

  November 19, 2008

  Dear Amy: I need to know what should be done with my daughter's wedding picture. The picture is a formal, studio portrait showing her wearing her wedding gown. It is a beautiful picture of her, and it hangs in my living room. The reason for the concern is that my daughter is no longer married. Her husband decided after six years of marriage that he "just was not happy." They divorced, and he married someone else.

• Her boyfriends are losers

  November 18, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am an attractive 30-year-old woman with a good job. I have been in three serious relationships. My previous two boyfriends were losers who took advantage of my generous heart to fill up their pockets with my money. But I stayed with each of them for almost three years!

• Dogs with 'issues'

  November 17, 2008

  Dear Amy: My neighbors seem to be intelligent and kind. However, they do not "get it" on a serious safety problem.

• Adventures in baby-sitting for pals' kids

  November 16, 2008

  Dear Amy: My wife and I frequently baby-sit a pair of very young children who are quite delightful, well-mannered and fun—until their parents arrive to pick them up. They suddenly switch into brat mode.

• Your Valentine's say

  February 8, 2008

  Valentine's Day can bring out the best -- and regrettably, sometimes, the worst -- in people.

• After an affair, disclosure can lead to closure

  March 8, 2007

  Dear Amy: About 10 years ago, my wife had an affair.