Fat

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He came.

A master in the ways having cheeseburgers.

Pluto was a planet until and this guy ate it

A word that describes about 95% of all LJ; actually, about 95% of all on the internets. Also, one who cannot fit into MRIs. Calling someone a "fucking fat fatty fuck" isn't tautological in a flame war.

Fat Characteristics

A fatty is without exception angry, bitter, and cynical with a great personality (See Chuck Norris and Dilbert). They like to eat, talk trash with their fat friends, eat, act petty, eat in secret, cry about how this shallow and materialistic world is so unjust to their kind, and most importantly, eat while crying. They prefer to be referred to as manatees, whales, or cows. Also, some fat people are so flabby that they cannot wash the stinking sweat and grime off the insides of their countless rolls, and sooner or later they will start to rot away... but only after they have eaten an amount of food that could've fed a thousand Darfurian refugees. Sometimes they find said food hidden under their fat folds after several days. This is considered a treat of extra food.

In odd occurrences, Fatties buy things that isn't cake.

In railway terminology this is what you call a Caboose.

YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG

Fatties trick-or-treat in college.

A predaliction for KFC is often thought to be a major reason for obesity among certain ethnicities.

Fat Writing

While reading the good_sex, one could stumble upon an entry such as this one (see talk page for Cuntpaste job of the friends only entry). While the author does not wish to imply it, the reader can infer that the author is a serious fatty.

Fat Mentality

Can you find the fattie?

Fat people possess fat mentality, which subscribes to the following assumptions:

I am not fat, I am BBW (see "Euphemisms").
It is not my fault I am fat.
Because I am fat, I can be a bitch.
If I'm a bitch and people don't like me, it's because I am fat (nobody likes a fatty - seriously, unless they put out and leave), and they are racists.
Real women have curves.
Men who like thin women are secretly gay (like fashion designers).
I am a victim.
You must change the airplane seats to fit my enormous fat ass.
I deserve a free electric mobility cart because Twinkies aren't a choice.
Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
I have had sex with over 100 men from bars, I must be hot.
Baby Got Back was about fat women, that shouldn't exercise.
More cushion for the pushing.
Fucking love McDonald's.
It's better then being uncomfortably over-weight.
If you find me unattractive, you're fat-phobic.
If you don't like my "womanly" body, you're a pedophile.

Some say that the fat mentality is the main reason fat people are unattractive. This is a lie. Fat people are unattractive because they are a bloated mockery of the human form.

RUN AWAY WHEN SOMEONE FAT DANCES

You

No...just no.

Fat people like

Food
Sitting
Lounging
Depression
Photoshop
The internets
You and your wonderful life

Fat people hate

Jews
Diets
Being told they're fat
Being told why they're fat
Exercise
Skinny people (although, they could just eat them)
Jumping
Staircases
You and your wonderful life
Living

They really don't like ~~you~~ anything but food.

Obesity and Oral Sex

It should be noted that fat chicks give great head. Fat girls give the best head because they're always hungry, but caution must be taken. In cases of too much enthusiasm, a fat woman may take ejaculation as the time to bite and swallow anything in her mouth. This is also because they are accustomed to putting large amounts of food in their mouths at all times, and crave hot meaty sticks shoved down their gullets. Furthermoar, due to natural selection, fat chicks often lack a gag reflex, enabling them to easily unhinge their gaping jaws and swallow objects many times the size of their own, already enormous heads. It should be obvious that any fat chick with a working gag reflex has a built-in solution to her problem of being fat! Fat chicks who do not give great head are probably fat dykes. Research is inconclusive regarding fat men and cunnilingus. For information on fat men and fellatio, please see gay.

How Fat People Should be Treated

Written at least 100 years ago by Thomas Jefferson, the Declaration of Independence states that all people are created equal. However, fatties are not people, and besides, who cares what a slave fucker like Thomas Jefferson says, amirite? Therefore, mass extermination of fatties is recommended and even encouraged by God himself as laid forth in the Bible in that part about flamethrowers.

Do it for great justice, and for the lulz.

When Happens When Fatties Are Enraged

As you can clearly see, when enraged fat people are known to refrain from physical action because, well, its action; and action is exercise which is against fat people's morals. Instead they make really loud unnecessary noises and threats they know they are to lazy to carry out as well as an array of feral, gutteral noises even more savage sounding than Helen Keller before Anne Sullivan taught her to sign. Approach with caution and earplugs are mandatory when approaching these not so gentle giants.

Weight Loss Advice for Fatties

You fucking wish.

Typical ineffective fatty exercise

Stop Eating tubs of lard, fatty!

Stop eating.
Cut off your leg.
Stop eating.
Sign up for the Biggest loser.
Stop eating.
Throw up.
Stop eating.
Cut off both of your legs.
Stop eating.
Film yourself dancing and post it on YouTube.
Stop eating
Stop participating in the Olive Garden tradition.
Stop eating
Quit IRL.
Stop eating.
Do a fucking pushup.
Stop eating.
Post noodz on BBWChan.
Stop eating.
Don't bash Barbie looking girls because you can't get a boyfriend.
Stop eating.
Go on Dr. Phil.
Leave America.
Stop eating.
Throw away all your clothes, and buy clothes in your ideal size. Go naked until the shame gives you an eating disorder and you finally drop ~~200 kilos~~ 100 Pounds, Britfag.
Stop eating.
Stop living in denial.Calling beeing a fat ass something something cool-sounding like "czigge" won't make your

BMI turn negative.

Join nonuglyfats or rejectedchubbys PROTIP: You do not have to be nonugly to be accepted by Nonuglyfats.
Stop eating.
Get rejected by pro-ana/pro-mia LiveJournal groups.
Stop eating.
Sue McDonald's.
Stop eating.
Take a lot of diet pills.
Stop eating.
Get liposuction.
Stop eating.
Get a doc to chop your stomach out
Stop eating.
Admit that the lard-assed models hired by Dove are just part of a ploy to make you buy more soap.
Stop eating.
Have celery instead of a sheet cake when you want a snack.
Stop eating.
Troll by posting pics of yourself on forums.
Stop eating.
Become an hero. (Death by lard-filled heart doesn't count.)
Stop eating.
You may find this enjoyable. Let's face it, you're never gonna get laid anyway.
Stop eating.
Don't be called Erika Samantha
Don't wear thongs that contain staples.
Stop eating.
Don't wear thongs at all.
Srsly: Stop eating.
No seriously Stop EATING
STOP BEING FAT.

Epithets

A helpful guide.

Fatty

Calling anyone a fatty is a great way to troll them on instant messengers that allow you to send voice clips. Just make sure they know you think they're a disgusting overweight mess and you have won half the battle.

Examples

[[1]] [[2]] [[3]] [[4]]

Whale

A Whale is a derogatory term for a fat girl or woman. See also Fat whore. Whales are generally considered good at giving blowjobs. They have to, or else they would never get any cock. They also swallow since they are always hungry. Sex with whales is usually known as whale hunting. A common sub-variety of whale is the Welfare whale.

Euphemisms

I'm stunned by her beauty.

Fat women will never refer to themselves as "fat". They will use other, gentler words to describe their disgusting obesity. If you see a fatty use any of the following words to describe his or herself, please correct them:

Heavy

Fat girls will often describe other fat girls as heavy (or heavyset). Example:

Normal person: "Hey, I'm looking for this stupid fat bitch, was she here?"

Fatty: "Excuse me, but did you see a heavy woman here?"

Note: Do not confuse with "top heavy", which means huge boobs (see Scarlet)

Chubby

A chubby girl is a fat girl who thinks she is proportionate. In reality, a chubby girl is not proportionate.

The problem with the adjective "chubby" that sets it apart from the other euphemisms is that fat girls who describe themselves as "chubby" are in total denial of their fatness. The following exchange is not uncommon with a fat girl:

Normal person: "Wow, you're fat."

Fatty: "No I'm not, I'm chubby."

Note: Truly proportionate girls are top heavy (see above) and callipygous.

Curvy

Fat women like to justify their lard filled asses by saying that they are curvy or voluptuous as opposed to fat. This is a brazen fucking lie. Fat feminazi whores believe that they are equal in hawtness to Bettie Page or Sophia Loren, because of their tit sizes. This is not true, as curvy women are actually attractive. Any fatass who does this is only lying to herself and deserves to burn in a fire. It just confuses people to the point where women are offended by men who call them "curvy" because of the fat fucks using the term to describe themselves, when men are actually giving them a compliment.

A similar incident happened on the hit TV show I Love New York, but no one really gave a shit, because she is an ugly Negress who looks like a goddamn plastic muppet. The results of said offensive comment were somewhat lulzy.

Healthy

A word that is being ruined by fat woman much as "curvy" was. Something so obvious shouldn't have to be spelled out, but here goes: a five foot tall woman who weighs 100 pounds is "healthy". A five foot tall woman who weighs 200 pounds is a beluga.

BBW

Not to be confused with a BMW - although these also consume too much fuel, are a danger to the environment and ~~anybody who owns one is a fucktard.~~ It's better than your shitty American car, dumbass.

I see the big, I see the woman, I don't see the beautiful . . .

Some people actually find BBW's erotic.

Old-timey BBW *retch* Erotica

BBW stands for "Big Beautiful Woman", but really it just means "fat". Other more appropriate translations for this acronym are "Bulbous Beastly Whore", "Bloated Beached Whale", or "Big Bulging Waistline".

Fat women think they can get away with calling themselves "beautiful" if they qualify it with "big". This is not true. It can also mean "Big Black Woman/Whale/Whore".

BBWs are also eatbeasts, who happen to have seven chins coated in pickle juice.

This is also the term preferred by so-called FAs, or fat admirers. The act of trying to locate these Moby Dick's is known as Hoggin.

SSBBW

"Super Sized Big Beautiful Women". What extremely fat women call themselves. Like "Stuck-in-the-bathtub" fat.

Rubenesque

Often found in personal ads or used by fatties attempting to "take pride" in their fatness. Peter Paul Rubens was a 16/17th century painter. Many of his paintings show women with fat rolls, exaggerated ass cleavage and cellulite ripples.

Bear

This is what fat hairy men like to be called, if they are gay and most likely closet fur-fags. The whole Bear scene reeks of rotten ass. While at one point hailed as an alternative to gay body fascism, it's now just another money-making label for homo. Being fat doesn't give immunity to AIDS, but it does ward off non-BBW's. Hence, gay.

Big-boned

This euphemism is used by both sexes as a means of mitigating the fact that they are enormous hambeasts. This is meant to make the fact that they are such colossal lardasses seem like a natural phenomenon, and completely beyond their control, by insinuating that they have very large bones. It is most often used in defense of ones monolithic proportions, but unfortunately for those that use this euphemism nobody buys this bullshit, mostly because it is bullshit. (PROTIP: Offer to pay for an all you can eat buffet for them if they can prove they are big-boned by going to a doctor for an X-ray.)

Real beauty

A self contradictory euphemism that in theory can be used by any ugly but entitled-feeling woman to describe herself. It is mainly used, however, by overweight women who have convinced themselves that the media is to blame for other people's disgust with their rippling blubber. Such women will often evoke the squat and chimplike America Ferrera as a typical real beauty.

A hefty dose of "real beauty".

Other

What they want you to think

Eggplant-shaped
Full-figured
Thick
Mammoth

Chubby Chaser

Every chubby chaser's dream.

A chubby chaser is someone who loves "chubby" girls only. This can be for one of a few reasons (or all of the above); He is either fat and ugly himself and needs to take advantage of bitches with low self-esteem, or he needs a woman who cannot run fast enough to get away from him.

Many Chubby Chasers choose to live in blissful denial that there is anything '"perverse" or indeed "unnatural" about the desire to copulate with giant wobbling grease-coated fatsacks. In fact, some have even been known to be seen in public with their hyperfleshed darlings. However, in 2004, sexpert Yosuf Sindinchilchrun of the University of Newcastle UK carried out extensive studies and identified Chubby Chasing as "worse than being ghey, since even gheys don't feel the need to bring fat people home to meet their suicidally ashamed parents."

Health Problems Associated with Obesity

Fat People are often depressed.

Obesity is a huge health hazard. Out of all the obesity-related diseases, the top one is Eyeburn, which comes from looking at fat people naked. Since people can't control their weight (thanks to jobs that make them sit down all day), obese people must shut their eyes real tight when they are naked and near a mirror or they will become ill.

This can also generate lulz, like this one.

Occasionally, being fat can cause mental health problems, such as insanity. This is the only possible explanation for why this video even exists. It can also present other brain-related problems, such as loss of coordination, as in the tragic case of the Grape Lady.

The final disease suffered by fatties is the dreaded Diabeetus, which prevents them from eating the sugary junkfood for which they live.

"Sure they're easy to catch...But who want's to fiddle with a fatty?"

Fatness Here and Abroad

Sad but true

Are you yourself a fat person? Do you know somebody that is a fat person?

Well, if you're American, you're hardly alone.

Despite their other characteristics, people in Europe are very typically much more trim than those in the U.S.

Theories abound for why this might be:

Greater prevalence of rednecks
Greater incidence of anorexia abroad
Anyone dumb enough to vote for George Bush and watch Foxnews probably isn't too wise on weight-management
Lifestyles which are comparably much more sedentary as based on incidence of Internet usage and TV viewing
Fewer people abroad taking diet tips from Yahoo or TOW
American role models usually coming from Family Guy, The Simpsons, or NAMBLA
The presence of Texas

Secret Fatty

Note: A fat girl angle shot will only be successful if taken by the Hubble Telescope.

Sometimes abbreviated as "SIF" for "Secret Internet Fatty." A secret fatty is a person who takes photos with the camera angled from above to hide their girth from the camera. Secret fatties are heavily afflicted by the internet disease. For more information on techniques used by secret fatties, see article on fat girl angle shot. to view an example, look at missalyssum

Fat Sports

Typical fatty antics.

Your mom was evidently big enough to fill up four fat bitches.

There have been many fat sports but only a few of them are amusing.

1. COMPETITIVE EATING
2. EATING BABIES.
3. EATING Dissected-chan
4. MOAR DOUBLE-CHIN CONTEST: for the benefit of Chin-chan
5. FUGLIEST FAT-ANGLE SHOT COMPETITION
6. DEEPEST FAT VAGOO CONTEST
7. LONGEST STRETCH MARKS LEAGUE

and then...

8. THE TRUFFLE SHUFFLE!!! (see above animated gif image)

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS OVER...

All fat sports require very little exercise and a lot of humiliation. See how kind we are? You ungrateful shit.

Reactions to this article

Will do.

As with most of the content on Encyclopædia Dramatica, this page has caused quite a few angry reactions and lulzy rants from butthurt readers. And since the offended party in this case is comprised of fatasses, it makes everything just a little bit lulzier. For examples of the aforementioned whining, see this article's talk page.

The Whale Exhibit