Gaia Online
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Gaia Online is a necessary evil of the internet. It consumes angsty teens, lifeless nerds and weeaboos like a black man consumes chicken and kool-aid or an oven consumes the jews. This holds in some of the evils of the interwebs, but sometimes the seams on of our internet septic tank become leaky, and some of it spills out (See Second Life). It has always been a straight man's worst enemy, and a huge contributor to the cancer that is killing the internet. However, just like everywhere else on the Internet, Furries lurk here, squirming and crawling in their favorite dark orifices much like cockroaches, mold, or smegma.
From time to time a gaiafag will escape the cage and try to integrate into a less cancerous section of the internet, such as 4chan or ED (Full article: Katy). In this case, tolerance is your worst enemy: if you let one Gaiafag in, you let them all in. For every Gaiafag you see, there are 100 more lurking in the shadows. Genocide is the only solution. You will never find a group of people who aren't trolls. They will pretend they are people until you let them in and the next thing you know, there are "spys sappin yur sentry's".
Contents |
What the Fux Gaia?
For all of you newcomers to Gaia, Gaia can pretty much be summarized in these collective and lulzy bullets:
- Full of KAWAII PEOPLE.
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Could be bigger than Rosie O'Donnell's cavernous uncharted twat.Disregard that, it's actually like exploring a universe of shit that looks like the same thing over again. - The word "anon" is strictly forbidden. Gaiafags run in fear at the sight of anon. Some of these gaiafags even piss themselves when in the presence of anon.
- Typical mating ground for 16-year-old girls, furries, old Chuck Norris jokes, and pedophiles.
- They think that Camp Rock is the greatest thing since the creation of their equally shitty website
- Saying "I play Gaia" near anyone who frequents ED should have the same effect as a nigger trying to join the KKK.
- Also full of emo and trendster kids who think it's funny to be like us.
- Also where Boxxy spawned
Gaia Forums
Most of the forums are filled with Animefags who love the stupid shows on adult swim. Trolls have been lurking on these forums for at least 100 years. To keep the Gaiasheep in line, Gaia has about 119 active administrators, which means, trolls can and do get away with rape and murder on a regular basis. If a real anon were to show up on the forums, it may have the same result as dividing by zero.
In a flurry or recent events, the mods decided to be fucking awesome and ban most regs. This might stop all the emos, wapanese, 4Chan wannabes and Narutards from running rampant, but this is mot likely untrue. It is thought that all of the regulars were Perma-banned. However, this affirmation is false. Most of the banned regs simply created new accounts, despite getting banned over and over again. This has caused some people (such as the user originally known as "Zombie") to have over 9,000 accounts.
Great Things About Gaia!
Announcements:
Jewish announcements about shit nobody cares about. Mostly for gay sponsorships, and cash store updates. It is estimated that 99.9% of the Announcements are made for the purpose of getting Gaia moar Jew gold.
Welcome to Gaia:
Full of underage girls trying to sell their n00ds for 500 Gaia Gold without actually becoming a proper member and being swallowed up by the Chatterbox.
Friends Chat:
A place where people go to make a "boyfriend/girlfriend/cyber buddy". 90% of this forum is gay, and the other 10% consists of piles of failed GDers who got kicked out of the GD(General Discussion). Everyone likes to hang out here and make fun of newfags.
Site Feedback:
This is a forum for 16 year old girls to whine about anything Gaia does. They changed the layout only to receive 2 pages of bitching. 2 moar pages of bitching from not changing it again though! It is also noted that with these complaints, Gaiafags will proudly claim for 5 paragraphs of how they are a "'03 user", and because of it Gaia should do what they say. Gaia just ignores anything that goes on in here because they don't need the advice of 16 year old girls on how to properly run a business.
General Discussion (GD):
Porn trolls and lots of threads on sex for 12-15 year olds. People here are just spewing shit about something they don't know about. Normal users suck their giant e-penises for popularity. Boob signs are mostly provided by fat attention whores who are usually willing to masturbate on their webcam for you while eating pounds of KFC and Ben & Jerry's ice cream. GD has now adopted "Forced meme Tuesday" in addition to their already sad attempts at adopting the orphaned Caturday. They failed miserably, liek always (See: Britney Spears, Robert Munch, and George Bush).
Gaia Community Discussion:
Known as the GCD, most of Gaia's aspies mentally masturbate here. Known for its constant complaining, amazing level of butthurt and total faggotry, the GCD is a wart on the ass of teh internets. The emo cunts normally go back and forth, urinating in each others topics for no apparent reason (other than an attack of Asperger's). Threads are sold by Gaia for virtual acts of auto-fellatio and outright ego-felching by gaiafags seeking to curry favor with some angst-ridden dumbfuck. This is also where you'll find all of the threads and forums related to the latest corporate blowfests, excuse me, "Quests". Such as the Chocolate Skittles, and Kung Fu Panda forums. The potential for comedy is pretty strong here (See also: gay, failure, retarded).
Extended Discussion
The definition of tl;dr. After five years, they are still arguing whether you can catch teh ghey or not. They take themselves far too seriously, and believe that their puerile opinions are facts. Flame wars are steady because of this,and usually focus on such worn-out topics as abortion and religion. Classic topics include "Should cocaine be legalized?", "WHY are you so mean to furries?!!? T_T", "WHICH SART WARS CHARACTER IS UR FAVORITE WAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA", " I'm afraid of dying because I iz be a sinnur", and a lot of other boring flat-earther nonsense. All be warned - do not enter this forum unless you are not afraid of being attacked, and raped by Zionist, bleeding-heart liberal, communist, wiccan, furfags who think that you should be burned at the stake for reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.
Lifestyle Discussion:
This is where people go to discuss about being gay/furry/pagan/atheist. If you frequent this forum, you have to be in a "speshul" religion (think Pagan or Atheist), because if not, you are SO close-minded!
Life Issues:
This is where you go for advice on how what to do if you're retarded as shit and had unprotected sex at 15 or cut yourself. The "advice" you are given is by bratty teenagers who believe they are internet therapists and that flaming the original poster helps solve the issue.
Anime/Manga/Comics:
Where weeaboos and Narutards bitch about which anime character gives better rimjobs. Home to millions of basement dwellers, more angry comic book fans thinking what they say actually matters.
Avatar Talk:
An elitist forum with a royal family of users such as LittleRaverJoey, CandyCrack, Imperial Shockies, UnderworldTorrent. Also includes the ugly wapanese girl phenomenon.
Chatterbox:
Used by sick fucks and other useless twats to ask if their avatars are "t3h sexorz". Also used to advertise for guro and other sick shit. Completely mindless, everyone there is a 16 year old girl or 13 year old boy. The Chatterbox is also home of the Dirty Little Secrets thread. Trolling here ALWAYS leads to lulz as the mods try to keep up with deleting your posts to "protect their safe environment".
Gaming Discussion:
A place of senseless "vs. threads" and endless fanboyism. It is filled with topics like "Every game/anime character ever thought of and non-existing vs. Link" and "Which Video Game Girl Have You Masturbated Most To". The users tend to be either insufferable know-it-alls or noobs who post with "Ya I liked Legend of Zelda. Zelda, he was an elf!!1!"
Fashion & Style:
A place full of shitty sluts that know nothing about fashion outside of gaia avatars' shitty clothing. Fat whores, wannabe models, and wannabe Prommies are part of a gay "Fashion Addicts Lunch". Notable gays include LJthegreat, M0DEL, a french faggot who claims to be a girl. He whines about wanting to kill himself because no one thinks he can pass as a girl.
Barton Town:
A role playing board with no use now that Gaia is a spam fest. Threads like: "Battle of Blood" appear here. Normally Romance and slave bullshit.
Gaia International:
Where people from other countries go to fail. Pro-tip: Arab users are obviously not allowed because as we all know every Arab is a terrorist.
Questions and Assistance:
Site Feedback
- Where elitists go to bitch about how Gaia was so much better in the old days when you got database errors on every other page.
- The "Petitions" subforum is full of Narutards whining to try to get Gaia to break copyright laws. Also 99.99% of the complaints in the site feedback mention NeoPets.
- This is what the Petitions subforum has come to. "This petition is for those of us who still have little kids still living inside of our mature bodies" ( See also: sick fucks and wtf ?! ).
Gaia Cash Shop
The Gaia Cash shop is a shitty attempt at marketing money off more gaiafags. It's built using effortless attempts at Yahoo javascript libraries, so you know the admins spent less than 9000 hours on it, and don't give a fuck like rob.
Guilds
Guilds are private forums that you can only post in if you're a member. If you're sick of dumbfucks running in and telling you to join their epic, totally original "all the animes together" RP, you can find a guild where not everyone is an angsty escapist 14-year-old boy masquerading as an 18-year-old lesbian with a leather fetish and fapping to their own text.
Towns
For many retards and ugly people, RL is too hard, so they stick to fake OL communities and worlds. The ugliest of the ugly sign up at Gaia Online and live in fake towns.
It's bad enough that members are cybering themselves up in the game chats OBBY. Gaia towns are a bad ripoff of RO or Maple Story, only you CAN'T fight monsters/Zeroex0, and the best damned thing is cleaning the town up.
Houses
The biggest boom for the giant cyberland are the houses that users can go inside. They can be decorated with fancy stuff. Generally you can find all the underage cyber sexx0rz inside.
The most popular fag base for a while was that of Peabulls (1,000 b 1), which every wannabe /b/tard would frequent in order to become well known.
Once the home of Peabulls lost its touch, all the noobs decided to migrate, but not so far that they would have to worry about losing the credibility of being an "oldbie" of a house that didn't belong to them. Now they reside inside Twobits' (1,000 b 1) home, where they continue to act like everything they say and do is "super amazing" when really they are loser fags with no lives.
Nowadays, most gaiafags reside in 1,000 b 5, mainly consisting of noobs, furfags, and the like. These areas can be "lag bombed" by spamming text for the lulz.
Gaia Drama
Gaia Limited Items
Among the many Monthly Collectibles that gaiafags spend real money on, there are a few that are un-obtainable unless you've spent a good 4 to 5 years and a couple thousand dollars on the site (If you have, please go jump off of the nearest bridge). Despite the fact that they've been told numerous times that they won't be re-released, gaiafags continue to complain in the Site Feedback about how great it would be to get a re-release.
Examples include:
- The Angelic Halo
- Panda Hat
- The Devil Tail
- Grombie Skin (See Zombie)
LAWL THEY`RE AFRAID OF ANONYMOUS!
Recently the developers made it so you can't say the word Pedobear. Their reason is that they're "afraid that predators will infest the site trying to get little children to come to their house", but really the reason is that they're afraid of Anonymous. Looks like they'll be buying curtains, phoneline trackers, advanced security systems, and A FUCKING DOG!
Fun Fun Update: Gaia has caved to the masses like the schoolgirls they are and have released the orphans from the Christmas event to the Gaiafags. Users can now openly show their pedo pride. Bonus lulz: A previously unreleased orphan is actually Chris Hansen disguised as Pedobear. Run, Pedobear! IT'S A TRAP!
Stolen Memes and The Second Longcat Crusade
Last Thursday,the queer fucktwats at Gaia Online stole many of Anonymous's cherished memes and turned them into items.
The items include:
- An ORLY Hat, which seems to be from 2006
- A YARLY Hat, which includes Blockatiel
- A TLDR Hat
- Longcat, which includes Tacgnol
- Monorail Cat, Ceiling Cat (that, however, does work for Gaiafags) & Cheese Burger Cat
- A Hat labeled as "Epic Fail Hat" with the description of: "This hat is a fail hat, It is made of fail and barf." If you look closely you can also see clearly "1/0" OH NOES!!11!!
- A Guy Fawkes Mask (as part of Epic Fail Hat)
- Meme-ridden avatar with a freaking Epic Fail guy mask.
The Conversation
The conversation happened between 8:50 to 9:15 PM on 3/26/2008 and was an important step forward in proving that the modfaggotry doesn't give two shits about the lulz, or what anon can do to them!
(8:51:16 PM) narutokip: rob starkey? (8:51:59 PM) rob: Who's this? (8:52:12 PM) narutokip: I asked first. (8:52:23 PM) rob: No time for games. (8:52:39 PM) narutokip: Serious business. (8:52:45 PM) rob: Seeya. (8:52:46 PM) rob left the room. (8:53:11 PM) narutokip: Not so fast, rob. (8:53:15 PM) narutokip: I'd like to chat. (8:53:18 PM) narutokip: If you're all right with that. (8:53:47 PM) rob: You can chat all you want but I won't be participating unless you tell me who are. (8:54:01 PM) narutokip: Well, actually, I don't know how I got here. (8:54:12 PM) narutokip: But I'm nobody important (8:54:25 PM) rob: Then what do you want? (8:54:44 PM) narutokip: Longcat. Did it ever occur to you the chans might not be thrilled you made an item out of a beloved meme? (8:56:17 PM) narutokip: look, I don't even know who you are (8:56:32 PM) rob: Everyone will have their own view and opinion, you're welcome to yours. (8:56:42 PM) narutokip: but Anonymous certainly isn't happy that you've commercialized what is essentially their creation (8:56:48 PM) rob: If you don't know who I am, then why are you talking to me? (8:56:51 PM) narutokip: i would suggest you stop selling it for real money. (8:56:59 PM) narutokip: i'm assuming you hold SOME position at gaia (8:57:09 PM) narutokip: So i thought I would pass along what I've heard. (8:57:20 PM) rob: OR what? You're going to explode my yellow van? (8:57:43 PM) narutokip: Something along those lines, probably, yeah. (8:58:07 PM) narutokip: I would like to ask though, what is the purpose of stealing memes such as Epic Fail Guy and Longcat? (8:58:16 PM) rob: Great, thanks. I'm logging your IP and passing this conversation to our legal team. (8:58:21 PM) narutokip: fantastic. (8:58:34 PM) rob: have a great day. (8:58:49 PM) narutokip: A) I haven't made any threats B) I am not PART of anonymous C) I would simply like to talk to you, if you're okay with that (8:59:08 PM) narutokip: If I were going to make threats to you, I would be behind seven proxies (8:59:34 PM) rob: This isn't the venue doe this type of conversation. (8:59:43 PM) narutokip: what? (8:59:47 PM) narutokip: typo? (8:59:57 PM) rob: Nor am I even close to the right person for you to speak to about such things. (9:00:14 PM) rob: Do like everyone else and voice your concerns via our site. (9:00:43 PM) narutokip: Well wait, you have access to the legal team, so obviously you're pretty important within the company (9:01:09 PM) rob: It's an email address. (9:01:21 PM) narutokip: And not everyone knows it. (9:01:29 PM) narutokip: So again, I stand by my earlier assesment (9:01:34 PM) rob: everyone who works at gaia does. (9:01:35 PM) narutokip: you're probably pretty important (9:01:48 PM) narutokip: Uh-huh. (9:01:56 PM) narutokip: Whatever the case, I have a very simple question for you. (9:02:08 PM) narutokip: WHY take these memes and make money off of them? (9:02:40 PM) narutokip: I would not consider myself an Anonymous, but even with Monorail Cat... I like LOLcats, they represent the independent (NOT CORPORATE) spirit of the internet (9:02:46 PM) narutokip: why take them and make money off of them? (9:03:04 PM) narutokip: gaia gold, i could understand, but REAL money? (9:05:32 PM) narutokip: Thank you for ignoring me. (9:05:38 PM) narutokip: It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. (9:06:12 PM) rob: I dunno what you're looking for. (9:06:26 PM) rob: I've already explained to you that I'm not the right person to answer your question. (9:06:30 PM) narutokip: I'd just like an explanation. Or an apology, rather. (9:06:34 PM) narutokip: Rob Starkey? (9:06:49 PM) narutokip: As I understand it, you're pretty serious business. (9:07:11 PM) narutokip: So I would like some explanation, or maybe you could send this to the legal team, for an explanation about the bastardization of beloved memes. (9:07:44 PM) rob: You'd like me (gaia) to apologize for making some art based off a joke? (9:08:03 PM) narutokip: Not that, really, as much as the fact you're making money off of it. (9:08:08 PM) narutokip: REAL money. (9:08:12 PM) narutokip: Like, actually selling the item. (9:09:09 PM) rob: We're selling a Gaia Item, based off a joke. (9:09:23 PM) rob: And not even the item directly. (9:09:34 PM) rob: So, again, I'm not the person you need to talk to. (9:09:45 PM) rob: Post your concerns in the forum like everyone else. (9:09:46 PM) narutokip: No, I think you are, Mr. Starkey. (9:11:07 PM) rob: So I guess we're at an impasse. Good day. (9:12:08 PM) narutokip: We'll be seeing you. (9:12:35 PM) rob: Give my best to anonymous. (9:13:16 PM) narutokip: Seeing as your feeble attempts to dodge an explanation are all in this log, I guess I will be.
What Happened Afterword
Eventually, after speaking to another sysadmin, the #op room was flooded with bots. For some reason.
Eventually Anonymous decided to try and invade an unused, enemy IRC server, resulting in many glines. Despite being a stupid idea to actually try and set up a raiding base there, the conversations logged are generally characterized as win.
Retrieved from "http://www.partyvan.info/index.php/Gaia/robspeaks"
Anon Speaks
In a fashion quite similar to the Subeta raids, Anonymous raged and raided.
| —Anonymous, A.K.A. W. Shakespeare |
Others also posted their religious interpretations of the meme-theft, most ending with a "Remember Remember The Fifth of November" type speech .
While others claim that the true anons will rise up and retrieve their sacred Longcat from Gaia. An incident has happened where someone got into Gaia's shitty profiles code and sent out a worm that stole over 9000 accounts from Gaiafags, causing Gaia to take down the profile system several times this week. What will be the outcome when all is said and done? Who knows. But it will have lulz.
Update: The *chans have evidently forfeited their crusade, presumably with the realization that they themselves are mostly Gaiafags. Bitches cry and life goes on for some. FUCK THIS- ON WITH THE CRUSADE!
Media:[1]
Rickroll Has Been Added To Gaia
OMG ACTIVE ITEMS!
It was stated last thursday on gaia that they had released what appears to be an active item by the name of Faunzy's Flute. It has been noted to have the ability to Rip any jukebox like items in a gaiafags inventory a new butthole.
Gaia Prom
This just in: Gaia has decided (disregard that, Prom has been around since 2003), since most of it's loser users are too busy being cancerous growths to get a life, to make a Gaia Prom! Nothing moar needs to be said.
It was worse than you could imagine. Gaia took the opportunity to further promote AIDS by enlisting the winner of something called " Project Runway " to "design" items for this sphincter of an event. And of course the Cash Shop was flooded with the pillow-biter's garbage on a weekly basis. It was sickening. Gaia made a killing off of the proceeds. Attention whores and 16 year old girls were pandemic.
The faggot in question, one Christian Siriano,was then added as an NPC and It took up residence in the " Barton Boutique" shop. Pictures showing the happy couple are unavailable, fortunately.
Apparently, the big pay-off for this so-called event was the privilege of playing a crappy flash version of the completely fucktarded DDR game, and having your picture taken with a virtual rendition of Siriano Itself!
And the gaiafags LOVED it!
Aquarium
Breaking news--The Gaia Admins have released another new feature called "My Aquarium", allowing gaiafags the simple pleasure of watching poorly drawn fish swim back and forth in a pixelated fishtank.
The release of this feature was coupled with a new shop called Phin Phang(more like Phin Phag, amirite?), which caused a mass uproar because the dedicated shop's items are only purchasable with Gaia Cash. This lead to the creation of over 9000 threads in the Site Feedback forum where butthurt attention whores were free to voice their opinions toward the overpriced aquarium accessories.
Raiding
To piss off alot of the people who use gaia, just follow these steps, your bound to get some great reactions:
- Find some porn, try and find some related to hitler if you can
- Put it on Photobucket.
- Use the embedd code and start a new topic in any of the Gaia forums, under something innocent, like 'Hi everyone', or, 'im new' And spam the porn over and over and over
An elite group of Special Forces was formed, and took it upon themselves to conduct raids against Gaiafags. They are secretive, and thus have no name outside of their group. They quickly overtake a Gaiafags RP thread, changing the subject, creating chaos and unsettling the ranks of the Gaiafags. They then claim the thread, in the names of many people. This upsets the Gaiafags greatly, and they go and piss and moan to the mods. The dumbfucks aren't efficient enough, and the soldiers finish their job, leaving once the posters have been upset to a point that they no longer post. Thusly the battle is declared a victory, and the raiders move on to a new ebattlefield, pissing off dozens of cock-sucking, furry-loving, Gaiafags. Eventually the moderators catch up, and usually the next day these braved soldiers are permabanned, declared KIA. They are reincarnated, and continue their work.
Politics
Gaia recently added two new items to the cash shop to make this year's election even more lulzy. The two items are a plush elephant and a plush donkey that each come with two frightening masks. Gaia also apparently believes Palin is a psycho killer bitch, just look, they show her with a corpse.[2] There is also at least one political ad on Gaia now (something about Randy Kuhl, but srsly, who cares)
Get 5,000 gold a day
- Use Firefox
- Download Reload Every
- Open Gaia in a new tab
- Right click and set "Reload Every" to 10 seconds
- Leave tab open forever
- Collect Gold
- No ????? necessary
- No "PROFIT!!!" needed either
See Also
- AWOLnow
- Bloodraptor
- Clementine
- FAILCHAN
- General Discussion
- Legend of Aurea
- Myminicity
- Nurse Sezwick
- Prommie
- Sith Lord Ali
- Subeta
- The Cancer That Is Killing /b/
External Links
- Gaiafags try to discuss ED. Of course, it just consists of them arguing over whether they are punks or emos for 8 fucking pages and mentions nothing about ED. Lulz.
- Where whiny Gaiafags talk about their Feelings and Where you should Troll
- Gaiafag complains about ED, treatment of Snapesnogger. Most Gaiafags defend ED though.
- Gaia Online
- Gaia Battle
- The Wiki
- GaiaDrama.net
- The photobucket from an /i/nsurgent who raids Gaia and doesn't afraid of anything
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Gaia Online is part of a series on Gaia Online. |
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Gaia Online is part of a series on the cancer that is killing /b/. |
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Gaia Online is part of a series on MMORPGs. |
