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Lily Tomlin speaks

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Just as I'm about to start my interview with a radiant Lily (who looks much younger in person than she does on-screen), a woman walks in. "Oh, say hi to Vivian!" says Lily. "She's a writer and my good, good friend. And Vivian is gay, and she lives right here in San Francisco!" The two women have clearly been best friends for a long time -- and from the laughter, they seem to be having a ball this particular day at the Ritz to promote the upcoming film "A Prairie Home Companion," which co-stars Meryl Streep.

The bit you and Meryl Streep did at the Oscars was one of the biggest highlights of the show. It really worked, but it could have gone terribly wrong. Were you two aware of that and were you nervous?

Very nervous, but see, when you step out, you have to go into another zone or else you could really fail and really bomb. Jane [Wagner, her partner] was upstairs writing and there I was faxing the stuff to Meryl the day of the Oscars. So we just went out there and thank god it worked. The worst thing we wanted to happen would be to let Bob [Altman] down.

But also see, we were there earlier in the day and you know what? We had to sell them on the idea to do the thing the way we did it.

Really?

Oh, yeah! Because they had written a bunch of other stuff for us to say. I think there was one line where they'd say "And now the most nominated actress with 12 nominations, Meryl Streep" and then the line for me was something like where I was supposed to correct them and blurt out, "THIRTEEN!" [Laughs.] And oh, my God, it was just one of those things that could have been really awkward you know what I mean? And also, it didn't really have anything at all to do with Altman. So we were trying to do something that would be good for Altman, and something that wouldn't make him squirm. We mostly wanted it to be special, but we also didn't want to be humiliated.

What happened when you got backstage? Were you relieved and were you two happy with how it went?

Well, enough people backstage said it was good, but let me tell you, they weren't dropping like flies and fainting in awe or anything like that, so we still didn't really know. We just had a sense of relief that we didn't bomb. It wasn't until the next day that I really knew how well it went. I got so many emails and phone calls. And Vivian, you weren't there, were you? No, you were back here in San Francisco. I called Jane and she said it was wonderful. And then there was a big picture of us in the L.A. Times the next day, so I was really happy about it all.

You know what else was really added to it? Midway through the bit, the camera zoomed in on Jennifer Aniston and she was laughing so hard, and it was like the first time we'd seen her laugh for over a year. Because everyone watching was laughing already anyway, and then we saw her and it was like, "Oh, my God, look -- Jennifer Aniston is actually laughing!

[Laughs] That's so funny! She was laughing? God, I can't wait to see it! Believe it or not I still haven't even seen the damn thing.

So Meryl plays your sister in "Prairie Home Companion." Would you want to have her as a sister in real life?

Well if she was my sister, maybe I'd get more jobs! [Laughs] But, God, who wouldn't want to have Meryl Streep as a sister? She's funny, I mean really funny, she's irreverent and open. You think she's going to be intense, but she's nothing like that at all.

Rosie O'Donnell being the new host on "The View" is getting so much media attention, and it's going to be so interesting to see what she brings to the show. What do you think of the whole thing?

I want to know why I didn't get that job! [Laughs] To have a gay woman on "The View" is exciting and you know, Rosie's great; she's so outspoken, so I think it's wonderful. And with Star doing that whole weight-loss thing and with Rosie still being big? That also could be really good for the show.

Yeah, I really like that Rosie keeps bringing that up about Star. And now there are rumors this week that Star may be leaving the show to pursue "other options."

Oh, my God, really?

Yes, but they are rumors. Would you have done the show?

If they thought I'd be a good fourth for the show, sure I'd have done it. Well, I've been a guest on "The View" many times, but never a guest host, dammit! But now that Star may be leaving, geez -- get me on the show and it will be "The Gay View." [Laughs]

Totally! Another big thing in the news last month was the 25th anniversary DVD of "9 to 5" and the big party they threw to celebrate it. Everyone loved seeing you, Jane and Dolly together again and singing the theme song at the party. We did a casting call on PlanetOut for which actresses would play your guys' roles if they did a remake. Everyone was into it, but a lot of people said "Screw the remake -- make a sequel with the original cast." Would you guys be up for doing that?

We would all love to do that. In fact, at the press party you mentioned, aside from the plastic surgery questions they kept asking me, Dolly and Jane [laughs], the second most popular question was about a "9 to 5" sequel. So now that Jane's back in the business, it seems like it is a possibility. But you see, Jada Pinkett Smith has some rights to the movie from Fox, so I'm not sure how --

Wait, what? Jada Pinkett has rights to "9 to 5"?

Yes -- she has some rights to it and I think she may want to make an African American version of "9 to 5."

Well, that's interesting, but I don't understand -- how come Jada Pinkett-Smith has some rights to "9 to 5"?

I don't know, but I think it was just that with Jane [who produced the film] being married to Ted [Turner] all those years, she just said things just . . . lapsed. But Dolly's developing a musical version of "9 to 5" for Broadway, and yeah, we've definitely talked about doing a sequel of some kind. But we probably would have to have another tier of actresses, younger actresses to be incorporated, because they probably wouldn't let us carry a movie any more.

That's ridiculous -- people would definitely go to see the movie because you three were in it.

Well, one idea we thought of was something called "24/7," because everybody works so hard these days. And we thought that one of us would probably have a kid who was very ambitious, who probably doesn't have any sort of a life because she is so absolutely committed to being a corporate leader. So who knows what will happen.

OK. Moving on to you and Jane Wagner. Everyone knows you've been together 35 years and that you support same-sex marriage in a big way, but that you already consider yourselves married. But just for the hell of it, if you guys said, "Oh, come on -- let's get married and throw ourselves a huge wedding," what would it be like? Who would you have sing; which celebs would you invite? Are there any particular love songs you and Jane would want played?

We don't have that many friends. Who would we invite, Viv?

Vivian: Dolly, Jane, Meryl Streep and me!

Well, of course you, Viv!

Who would you want to sing?

Vivian: Lily would sing!

Lily: [Laughs] Yeah, I'd sing! I sang in "Prairie Home Companion," after all. Yeah, we'd invite Meryl and we could both sing! Actually, I'd probably have my brother sing.

And what would be the one romantic song for you and Jane?

"We've Only Just Begun." [Laughs] It's a song that Jane and I have always found . . . comedically sweet. I think I'd probably want to sing [Lily starts singing] "You bought me violets for my furs . . . " That's Billie Holiday.

Speaking of Jane, we never hear about any details of your guys' relationship other than the writing collaboration. I'm curious: What's the most romantic thing Jane has ever done for you and vice-versa?

Hmmmm, well, you see, I think some of the everyday things are the things that stand out the most. Just knowing that every time Jane is reading something, she pulls it out because she wants me to see it. I've been away from her now for three or four weeks 'cos I had to go to England, and then Minnesota, but we still talk three or four times a day on the phone and she just talks my head off for an hour, because she says, "Well I just haven't talked to you for so long and there's just so much to talk about."

But I'm always so touched by the fact that she'll pull something out of a magazine or a newspaper about, say, health or something that she thinks I'll find interesting.

Vivian: You know, another really darling thing they do is Lily calls Jane before every flight, she calls her the minute she lands, and she calls in the car to wherever we go and they have a long chat. It's just so sweet.

Lily: Or she does this other thing. She loves to collage things, so she'll make these collages about our life or a collage about something that happened that day with the animals, so those are sweet. And I'll open a drawer and accidentally see this collage she's working on for me and I can't tell you how wonderful that is. Now also, there are big things too, obviously, like we've bought each other paintings and all that kind of stuff! [Laughs]

There is suddenly a lot of talk about gay retirement communities -- what do you think about that?

Oooh, I think it's great It's totally great. We work with a group of these women down in, what is it, Vivian, is it Carefree Florida?

Vivian: Yes, it's Carefree.

Lily: And they named their development "Carefree," and it's all trailers, and they even have a film festival with a "Lily Award"! I send them tapes each year for the festival of me in character. Like I made this one of Ernestine where she's like the events announcer with the "ding ding ding!" And the best part is that the person who runs it will send us information about all the different women who live there, right? So Ernestine will incorporate the names of the actual women and all that personal stuff into the bit on the tape and they just love that! [Laughs] We did one with Mrs. Beesley --Viv, what did we have Mrs. Beesley do on that one damn tape? But I love the idea of gay housing; I just think it's fantastic.

Well, what's interesting about it is that it's something that all gay and lesbian people are going to have to face as they get older, so the opportunities for what can be done are endless.

Exactly, and you know that the community is going to make it work in huge, huge terms. Elder gay housing is so big already, and they're developing already, so it's just going to be big, big big.

Yeah, and they're making a movie about it, too. Apparently David Duchovny read an article about two gay men who had some sort of problem being together in a retirement home or something like that in the N.Y. Times and was so moved by the story that he was interested in making a film about it. But that was a couple of years ago.

A feature film? Oh, Vivian! Why didn't we think of that! Who's in it?

I'm not sure at all if it's even happening, but it seems like there could be a few interesting film concepts on that subject. You should totally look into it.

Vivian, let's talk about all this!