Counter-Strike
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Counter-Strike is a Massively Multiplayer Online First Person Shooter mod for the hit online electronic computing internets machine game "Half-life" made many years ago.
It is aimed at brainless 13 year old boys and lifeless nerds who think it's cool, not knowing it's a secret recruiting tool for the special forces. Though of course no one can actually get into them, and real tools who can't distinguish between gaming and IRL bad ideas join the army. (Please note, if you're playing this game, you are gay. There is no hope.)
Note: Requirements include being a fag and looking like Brian Peppers.
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Gameplay
In Counter-Strike, you have the option of rolling between two factions, picking either the Terrorist and Counter-Terrorist teams. The game map is a massive chat domain. On a side note, a player can choose a realm and start a PvP match. The objective of these mini-games is to annoy the players as much as possible while avoid getting shot. Several tactics to accomplish this include.
- Headshot (Be sure to piss yourself after accomplishing said Headshot))
- Killing your teammates for the lulz.
- Calling people fags every two seconds.
- Assuming anyone that manages to kill you is using cheat codes ("hax").
- Playing for 16 hours a day, then ridiculing n00bs for not having the reflexes of a cyborg.
- Blatantly cheating by seeing through walls, auto-blow people's brains out, looking like a porn star model or anything remotely related to the game, then calling anyone who calls you on it a fag (see above).
- Making in-game "sprays" out of random images in your pr0n collection, preferably of a large penis or fag. Goatse also works well.
- Showing some actual skillz. This will so enrage the other players that it's likely you'll be kick/banned.
- Telling 8 year olds that F10 provides free head-sex.
- Get everyone to agree before the match that the losers must perform seppuku to restore their honor.
- AWP and watch the nerds rage.
- Use a flash-bang grenade to blind players just before they enter combat, making sure the other team is not blinded; using smoke grenades infront of awpers; HE-nading your teammates (a form of team-killing) if friendly fire is on. For quicker teamflashes, type in bind f "buy flashbang" in the command console before entering a game. This allows you to instantly buy flash grenades by simply pressing the f key instead of navigating the weapon menu. You can change the binding key as well as grenade type by altering this code.
- Constantly moving infront of or blocking the movement of other players, best done by blocking their retreat from getting owned by the opposition.
- Being sure that you do always take the bomb, but never EVER plant it.
Bonus points are awarded if you have access to a headset, since then you can annoy the fuck out of everyone with your prepubescent nasal whining. Also, you can simply hold down the talk button and play incredibly annoying music over the channel, or hold an electric razor to it. An even more effective way is to use the Half-Life Sound Selector, a program that allows you to play annoying sound/music files from your collection over the mic with a touch of a button, without the need for a stereo-equipped iPod or even a headset. For even moar damage, type setinfo name "" in the command console before entering a server. This changes your username to "unconnected", which prevents you from being shown in the other players' mute menus. The first person to find something else to do rather than playing Counter-Strike, wins.
A clan is a group of fags who get together to engage in annoying the crap out of every Counter-Strike player possible, and only those elite members are any good at generating lulz. A good example of such fucktards are the members of -POS-, a hidden clan that employs a deadly combination of faggotry and win.
You may experience special people that yell into the microphone during the game.
Teams
The game has three teams: Terrorists, Counter-Terrorists and Spectators. The Terrorists are the good guys, Counter-Terrorists are the bad guys, and spectators are sad losers who are not only wasting their lives on the most boring game in existence, but aren't even PLAYING the damn game.
Terrorist Characters:
- Goatse
- Cho Seung Hui
- Osama bin Laden
- Michael Moore
- Linus Torvalds
- The
entireNERDY population of Belgium (50%) - Kanye West
- John Kerry
- Jews
- Chris Hansen
- Sand People
- Pete Wentz
- Dylan Klebold
- Lindsay Lohan
- Polend
- Steven Kazmierczak
- Kevin "Rudkipz" Rudd
- Jesus
- Neo
- Sam Fisher
- Christianhillbilly
- George W Bush
- Your mom
- Bill O'Reilly
- All Christians
- Brian Peppers
- Samuel L. Jackson
- Mario
- Mudkip
- John Howard
Spectator Characters:
There's also a long list of secret characters that can be unlocked by collecting the Magic Rainbow Gems in a specific order (hint: Look under the mushrooms in the Twinkle Kingdom, level 3).
Sequels
Counter-Strike: Open Source
The same as regular Counter-Strike, but with the teams replaced with Microsoft and Nerds respectively. Linus Torvalds remains.
Oh, and the grenades do more than 6 damage.
Counter-Strike: Low-Ping Server Edition
Let's you join even more of those servers that are really fast because the 6 people on them are Basement-dwellers talking really loudly or really quietly about their fictional girl problems while idly flying around the map in spectator mode.
Weapons
There is only one weapon available in Counter-Strike - the AWM/P, also known as the "fag gun", or "n00b gun" (see "Objectives"). Not even the BFG9000 has generated as much lulz in FPS deathmatch history. This makes it the obvious weapon of choice when playing Counter-Strike. See below for moar details on it.
- Knife
- USP .45 Tactical
- Glock 18
- Desert Eagle
- SIG P228
- Beretta 96G Dual Elites
- Five-seveN
- Benelli M3
- M1014
- MP5N
- Steyr TMP
- P90
- MAC-10
- UMP45
- Galil
- FAMAS
- AK-47
- SG 552
- M4A1
- Steyr AUG
- Steyr Scout
- Arctic Warfare Magnum
- G3SG/1
- SG 550 Sniper
- M249 Para
The AWP
OH MY GOD YOU FUCKING FAGGOT STOP AWPING WE'LL BOOT YOU FAGGOT ASS FAG!!!!! I CAN'T HANDLE MY ANDROID-LIKE REFLEXES AND ABILITY TO HEADSHOT YOU FROM 300 FEET WITH A PISTOL BEING DEMOLISHED BY THE ONLY WEAPON THAT ANYONE ELSE IS ABLE TO GET ANY KILLS ON ME WITH!!!! I'M A FUCKING PERFECT VIRTUAL SOLDIER SO STOP HAVING ANY SORT OF ADVANTAGE OVER ME YOU FAGGY FAGGOT!!!!111111 (<--Moar CS fail)
The AWP is the most lulzy weapon in the game. Killing people with an AWP can make you a "AWP Whore", which is the source of faggotry. Accomplishing headshot with said AWP, will create a barrage of barrel rolls and said faggotry. If someone kills you while holding this weapon they are using hax, or cheatz.
The signs of an AWP user include:
- Once entering server, hearing the words "fucking hacker."
- Hearing a big ass shot from a gun.
- Having an un-natural nature towards Columbine.
- Seeing the headshot icon on the upper right corner of the screen.
- Faggot screaming in mic.
- User screaming "BOOM HEADSHOT," and "I OOOWWWWNN."
Common reactions include:
- "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!"
- "Fucking AWP Whores"
- "STUPID FUCKING FAGGOT STOP IT"
- "Please stop using that weapon, its so fuckin' overpowered, stop please." (5 Seconds later) "FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!"
- "YO NIGGA IS DAT A BAZOOKA?"
- "Why is the fucking AWP not RESETRICTED, like it should be."
The amount of butthurt this weapon can potentially cause is epic, so it should be sought at every opportunity, then abused. The real mystery is why Counter Strike is the only FPS game where anybody bitches when others use a 1-hit-kill weapon. Combat Arms has an awp of its own that's basically the same one as in Counter Strike, yet nobody complains when you use it. The reason: Everyone who plays Counter Strike is a whiny 13 year old boy with no social skills (and probably assburgers as well).
Nothing is safe from the AWP. In Counter-Strike: Condition Zero, you blow up a jet fighter with an AWP. The AWP is srs fucking bizness!
Tactics
EITHER:
- Stand motionless in one spot and shoot people as they spawn ("Camping")
OR:
- Strafe aimlessly around in circles
OR:
- Walk directly into the enemy base while holding down the fire button.
OR:
- you can kill all players on the server by dividing by zero, OH SHI--
OR:
- spray a porn spray and kill everyone looking at it (Besides you teammates)
Anything else will be considered cheating.
Competitive Counter-Strike
Competitive CS is a very admirable profession with several deep, profound layers to it. These layers are outlined below.
1. Always Blame the other players on your team- Arguably the most important part of being a true pro cs player, is the belief that you can do no wrong.
2. Raid Public Servers and Talk Shit- It doesn't matter how little experience the other players have, you MUST talk shit to random people on the internet. Several qualified experts have ruled that this egotistical behavior is a result of internet anonymity, while less-qualified but more likely correct experts have settled for the standard "they were molested by their parents" explanation.
3. The Other Team is always hacking- If your team loses at all, the obvious reason is that your opposition is hacking. Rage quit the server and find another scrim. Repeat this process until your clan dies.
Social Benefits
As mentioned earlier, Counter-Strike is a covert government recruiting tool. One day, in the not-too-distant future, hordes of heavily-armed whiny 7-year old CS players will be air-dropped onto enemy positions, their random bursts of gunfire and cries of "camping fag" distracting the enemy long enough for the entire area to be bombed down to the bedrock. If any CS troops manage to survive, they will be set on fire and launched at the enemy via catapult.
actually an illusion. Most CS players incorrectly believe that their favorite game is in some way less failurific than games like WoW. Anyone who believes this is just as delusional as the next furfag. realization that extended usage of any multiplayer game breeds IRL faggotry and fail is the first step in salvation. This is typically much more difficult for CS fags, as they truly believe that playing this waste of space is actually socially redeemable. In reality Dungeons and Dragons fantards are much moar likely to have a successful life than CS fags.
Warrock
Warrock a poor nigra's version of counterstrike. Only instead of just being a shooter, they made it an RPG, which makes it suck harder. See also the chat filter. Below are known filters of words/acronyms that are filtered:
WTF= WTH
NOOB= NOOBIE
FUCK= FARG
Play it for yourself and witness how this is even playable by 6 year olds.
Due to the constant updates every Wednesday, which don't do anything, and is a total fucking waste of time, a lot of faggots decided to move to Counter-Strike because they want to land better headshots.
Tactics
AIM AND HOLD THE FUCKING BUTTON DOWN.
See also:
- C "is that a bazooka?" note
- Steam
- AOL Speak
- Clan -PoS-
- AIDS
- myg0t
- Lamer
- Natural Selection (game)
- Shit Video Games
- Good description of every Counter-Strike player, ever.
- HLSS - For all your voice annoy needs.
- Holla Holla Get Dolla.
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Counter-Strike is part of a series on Gaming. |
