Doom
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
You are the mighty Grand Dragon of the Ku Klux Klan. You alone can stop the ravenous forces of hell. Are you a bad enough dude to fix the larger social problem created by the inferior demon races?
Doom is a series of video computer games based on the blockbuster film starring The Rock and Clint Howard. The movie was so amazingly good, that a successful game series was inevitable. It is also a training program for Special Forces to practice taking down schoolhouses and retirement homes. A couple of grunts have put their knowledge to the test (see Columbine). The movie was infact so good that the games that were inspired by the movie came out years before it.
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The whole story of Doom, in YouTube videos
COOKING WITH PLASMA
DOOM RICKROLLER
Development
The creator of Doom, John Romero, came up with the idea one day while jacking off to Tom Cruise. During one of the Double-Anal cum-shot scenes, Cruise yells out "DOOM" and because Romero has mental problems, he immediately thought of anal sex with zombies. The original idea for the game was raping children with chainsaws, but due to copyright issues, Romero then sold what was left of his soul to Satan who did all the work on the game for him, because as we know from Daikatana, Romero can't work for shit.
Game Story
You are John Stalvern, an employee of Microsoft. After being fired by Bill Gates for making a Microsoft program that actually works, you go on a killing spree; getting revenge on the crappy programmers, accountants, and finally Bill gates himself. The goal of the game is to prevent the AIDS-ridden Windows Vista from being released.
At the beginning of each level, you go around the office shooting your co-workers, lawyers, advertising specialists, and other demons at the hellish Windows complex. At the end of each level, you pull the self destruction switch (which all office buildings have) to receive a congratulatory handjob.
After descending into the ninth circle of hell, you battle with Bill Gates himself after interrupting him at a press conference for Windows 95. He shoots you with his shotgun and as you die, you manage to kill him at the last second... but not before the demonic Windows Vista is unleashed onto the world. Your last words are: "At least it's better than Linux."
Ports
After the PC version became a hit, they wanted more money, so they decided to port it to every system known to man. It was ported to SNES, Genesis, 32X, N64, AMIGA, PS4, GBC, Xbox 360, Mr. Coffee, Ipods, your watch, and countless others.
Criticism
Doom is considered a more important artistic achievement than the works of William Shakespeare. It's all about killing and death and despair, teaching followers to murder infidels in the utmost neutralization of The Great Satan. Also, typing 'Romerocock' in the last stage will take the gamer to the secret orgy level, where the cyberdemon can be seen using its rocket launcher as a dildo to pleasure several of the smaller monsters.
It has also received much criticism for its lack of relevance to the feature film and for the fact that Romero hired Mexicans to make the game.
Helpful Hints
- If you drink the green liquid, you get all trippy!
- The Cyberdemon has huge guts.
- The blue mask/face thing gives you mad life.
- You are the demons.
- After you kill the brown guys that shoot fire balls, you can notice that they have pussies.
- If you beat Doom, the only thing left to do is shoot up your school. Vice versa, if you shoot up your school then you get to play this game.
- The pistol is the most deadly weapon in the whole game, even more powerful than your fists. Use your pistol no matter what.
- If you wait a while, all the different angsty goths will start arguing about whose life sucks more and they will kill themselves to prove a point.
- Do not play this game.
- The BFG is the Biggest Fuckin'...uh, I mean, Biggest Force Gun.
- If you can find the Energizer Bunny mod, you can make the game even more gayer than Romero thought possible.
- To defeat the Cyberdemon, shoot at it until it dies.
- If you watch Natural Born Killers while listening to KMFDM and then play this game, you'll shoot up your school and/or become an hero just like Eric Harris!
- If you punch the cyberdemon enough, you will be able to rape all monsters to death and Enrique Suave will marry your left pinkey, as well as calling you his "Homeless-Hoe-Gangsta-Bean-Fo-Life-Biznotch" and then start the not-for-profit Fuckbomb entertainment Complex LLC (and all night trains are there of associated with Gangsta Bean) AND THEN TAKE OVER 9,000 BONG HITS FOR JESUS!!!
See also
- Chex Quest
- Korax
- The Doom Comic
- The Doom Fanfic
- Doom 3
- Half-Life
- Wolfenstein
- NEDM
- Duke Nukem 3D
- Marathon - Biggest doom ripoff ever.
- ZDaemon
External Links
An unofficial fansite for WADs and shit
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Doom is part of a series on Gaming. |
