Books make shorter work of long hours in hospital

February 23, 2009

DEAR ABBY: My father recently began treatment for cancer. He has radiation daily and chemo once a week. Mom and Dad spend many hours sitting in the hospital for these treatments.

Recent columns

• Five heart attacks fail to change man's habits

  February 22, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: My husband "William" and I have been married 32 years. I love him dearly, but his health is poor. William is only 55, has had five heart attacks and has three stents in his heart. His last visit to the ER included being hit with paddles because his heart had stopped. In spite of this, my husband continues to smoke, eat whatever he wants and so on. I feel as if I am just waiting for him to die.

• Single woman can't accept guardianship for three kids

  February 21, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: Six years ago, my best friend asked me to be godmother to her beautiful little daughter, "Sharona." At the time she made it clear that if I accepted, she and her husband would name me as Sharona's guardian in their will. I was deeply touched that they would trust me with such an important responsibility and was happy to accept.

• Marriages blessed in church not licensed at courthouse

  February 20, 2009

  DEAR READERS: Since I printed the letter from "Deceived in Arizona" (Nov. 30), I have learned that not only individuals, but also some churches feel so strongly about separating the legal aspect of marriage from the religious that they have voted to only "bless unions," and their clergy no longer sign marriage licenses. Among them are member churches of the United Church of Christ, the Unitarian-Universalists and the Quakers. Instead, the model they follow is the one used in Europe, in which couples go to a courthouse to register their marriage, and then to a church or synagogue for a religious ceremony. Read on:

• Couples choose to separate church and state in marriage

  February 19, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: I must respond to the letter from "Deceived in Arizona" (Nov. 30). I agree the couple shouldn't have misled their guests and should have let them know it wouldn't be a state-sanctioned wedding. But these days, many couples choose not to legally wed, and for others it is not a choice.

• Neighbor takes advantage of trusting elderly woman

  February 18, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: My elderly mother lives in a rural area. Luckily, she is surrounded by wonderful neighbors who enable her to continue living in her home without assistance. They shop for her, maintain her lawn, do handyman repairs, cook for her and regularly check on her well-being.

• Woman questions belief that there's no place like home

  February 17, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: Is it possible -- or normal -- for someone to lack the desire to travel? I am a 23-year-old female college graduate with a good job. I am involved in a serious relationship and still live with my parents because of financial constraints. I like to think my life is pretty normal.

• Man forced out of driver's seat is still trying to steer

  February 16, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: Because of a medical condition, my husband of 30 years can no longer drive a car -- so now he is driving ME nuts. Not only does he tell me how to drive ("You're too far to the right," or "Watch out for that car!" or " I'd go this way," etc.), but he feels it is his responsibility to remotely lock/unlock the car doors, remotely start the car -- anything having to do with the car but drive it. We end up "cancelling" each other out when I try to start the car or lock it.

• Man strives to put money only where his mouth is

  February 15, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: I consider myself to be a "free spirit." I bike and hike to get around, do not own a car and pretty much try to live "off the grid."

• Valentine wishes are meant to be shared far and wide

  February 14, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: I clearly remember my first Valentine's Day. I was in first grade. A few days before, my mom asked how many kids were in my class, and we went to a store and bought large packages of valentines -- one for every child in the class. The cards were all the same size and said, basically, the same thing.

• Teenage girl second-guesses engagement to impatient beau

  February 13, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: I am 16 but will be 17 in a few months. I have known my boyfriend, "Gabriel," for two years. He is my first boyfriend.

• Couple rules out divorce for sake of grown children

  February 12, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, my husband of 25 years, "Glen," discovered that I'd had an affair 10 years earlier. After he found out, he couldn't sleep or eat, had recurring nightmares about the affair and was suicidal. He says it is still the first thing that pops into his mind when he wakes up and the last thing he thinks about when he goes to sleep. Neither of us thinks he will ever be able to get over it.

• Man hesitates to combat rumor mill with the truth

  February 11, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: I have tried to have cordial relations with my neighbors, but do not have particularly close friendships with any of them.

• Photos posted online irk woman preferring privacy

  February 10, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: I am a private person by nature and avoid doing a lot of posting on the Internet because of it. My problem is a friend I'll call "Maria," who constantly posts pictures of our outings with friends on her Web site for everyone to see.

• Father's authority wanes as son's popularity grows

  February 9, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: My youngest son, "Trent," is 17. At a very early age it became apparent that he was a gifted athlete. Years of stellar performance in baseball and other sports have elevated him to a high social status -- and it has created a rift between us.

• Couple clashes over roles played by men and women

  February 8, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: I'm a fiercely independent and headstrong woman. I have recently begun dating my childhood sweetheart, "Jess," again after 20 years. Jess is traditional and would prefer I surrender my independence and allow him to take the "man's" role. We are trying to compromise, but now another issue has come up.

• Distaste for big wedding may mask deeper issues

  February 7, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: I am 21 and have been with a great guy, "Albert," who's 20, for more than a year. We're engaged to be married and live together in a condo we recently bought. We both work full time and support ourselves comfortably.

• Ties still bind wife to mom after five years of marriage

  February 6, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, I married a 40-year-old woman I'll call "Phyllis." We had dated for eight years. My problem is, after all this time Phyllis still has not moved into my home. She has never moved any of her personal belongings in either. And she runs home to her mother's house six days a week.

• Mom maintains friendships with daughter's old beaus

  February 5, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: From the time when I was a teen, whenever a romance of mine ended, my mother would continue having her own relationship with the ex, regardless of how I felt about it.

• Grandmother sees too much of bodybuilding teen's work

  February 4, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: My 19-year-old grandson, "Fletcher," an average boy with good looks, is becoming as exhibitionist. He flaunts his body on almost every occasion. When people are around, he goes into his room and emerges minutes later without his shirt, naked to the waist, with his pants dropping down almost showing places we do not wish to see. He struts around, going from room to room, all the while his pants slipping even lower. Fletcher then usually changes into shorts, which also slide down and reveal more than the public should be viewing.

• Long hair is a burden both husband, wife should bare

  February 3, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: I disagree with your advice to "Short and Trendy in West Texas" (Nov. 17), whose husband thinks she went against him by cutting her long hair short. I, too, like my wife's hair long, and I see nothing wrong with urging her to keep it that way. Personally, I hate shaving and have suggested to my wife that I might like to grow a beard. She said, "No way," so I keep shaving.

• Dad makes light of 'fat' comment to teenage girl

  February 2, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: My daughter's 15-year-old friend "Willa" no longer comes over to our house. When I asked my daughter why, she said my husband told Willa she was getting fat. Willa told her mother, and her mother told her not to visit us anymore.

• Siblings feel abandoned by their widowed mother

  February 1, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: Last year, my elderly father fell, suffering a head injury that caused his death. Dad had a chronic illness that kept him housebound during the last year of his life.

• Stepmom tries too hard to be 'one of the girls'

  January 31, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: My dad recently married someone much younger, so my sister and I have a new stepmom. "Tori" has no children of her own. She's nice, but she's trying too hard.

• Depressed son stonewalls parents desperate to help

  January 30, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: Our son, "Adam," is 24 and lives at home. He had some kind of mental breakdown at school -- no one will tell us what he had -- and he says he's too depressed to work or go back to school.

• Thongs praised and panned by men responding to poll

  January 29, 2009

  DEAR READERS: As promised, today you'll see what some male readers had to say about thongs, as well as the results of my reader poll. Fifty-five percent voted thongs up, 28 percent voted thongs down, and 17 percent gave mixed reviews. And 9 percent of the readers were male ...

• To thong, or not to thong: thousands enter debate

  January 28, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: I'm writing regarding the letter from "San Diego Sinner" (Nov. 21), whose mother says wearing thong underwear is sinful. Abby, that mother may not have known a better way to express her views. I believe she was trying to protect her daughters from males who might view the absence of a pantyline as a "signal" that they are sexually available.

• Teenager is running scared while shoplifting for mom

  January 27, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and in eighth grade. I love my mom very much, but lately I'm worried about the things she makes me do for her. She takes me to the mall and makes me steal clothes, jewelry and household items.

• Platonic soul mates mull a married life together

  January 26, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: I consider my best friend, "Randall," to be my platonic soul mate -- like a brother, only closer. Randall is gay. I am a straight female. We have no romantic interest, but a deep and meaningful love nonetheless.

• Mothers of young children need 'time out' to recharge

  January 15, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: I am a physician and mother of a toddler who understands "New Mom in Las Vegas" (Nov. 4), the woman who is concerned because she finds playing with her 8-month-old tedious. While postpartum depression should be ruled out, it is not uncommon for an adult woman to be bored by endless hours of playing with blocks and rattles.

• Young workers must learn how to 'dress for success'

  January 13, 2009

  DEAR ABBY: You're in a position to do young people a great service by educating a generation that has grown up in a casual-dress world that there's a line between how one dresses in one's personal life and how one dresses for work. Cross it, and it could negatively affect your career.

• Mother is wary of neighbor boy with loud potty mouth

  December 29, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, a couple built a home on the lot next to ours. From the time they moved in, we have been concerned about their 11-year-old son's anti-social behavior.

• Teacher's lessons inspire thanks from former student

  December 25, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: Please print this for teachers everywhere:

• Couple's boorish houseguest ruins chance of another stay

  December 15, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have built and begun using a second home. We have entertained some wonderful houseguests here.

• Young couple living together spends too much time apart

  December 14, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Brandy," and I have been living together for about six months. Whenever she has any free time, she's out with her sister or one of her friends.

• It's time for mother to put an end to boy's tantrums

  December 12, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: A little over a year ago, my sons -- ages 10 and 11 -- met a 10-year-old boy named "Adam" and have played with him often since. During this time, Adam's mother and I have cultivated a warm friendship that I don't want to lose.

• Teenager crosses the line pursuing cousin's husband

  December 10, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old, happily married girl, but I have a problem. My 15-year-old cousin "Rayleen" likes my husband. She calls his cell phone at all hours of the night, and last week she sent him a letter telling him that I was cheating on him (a lie!) and that when he decides to get a divorce from me, if he wants a "real woman" to give her a call.

• Birth family reunion ends happily for surprise sister

  December 9, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: I hope "Mother With a Secret" (Sept. 3) will speak to her children about the half-brother they don't know about.

• Wealthy friends' generosity troubles middle-class couple

  December 7, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: Our best friends, "Bill and Melinda," are financially well-off. My husband and I make just enough to get by. We have been friends for a long time, are extremely close and always have a good time together.

• Sister is sick to death of brother's gift of life

  December 6, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, my brother, "Frank," donated a kidney to me. Of course I'm grateful and have told him so many times.

• Sister objects when calls are broadcast on speaker phone

  December 5, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, my sister, "Pam," and her husband bought a new telephone with all the features, including speaker, where everyone in the room can hear and contribute to the conversation.

• A good sitter's services go to the highest bidder

  December 4, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: Regarding "Feels Like a Fool in Gainesville, Fla." (Aug. 11), who complained that her friend "stole" her baby sitter -- I have news for that woman. Baby sitters, even those under 18, aren't indentured servants who serve only one master. A baby sitter is a free agent who can work for anybody she wants. What is that baby sitter supposed to do -- keep her schedule open in the hope this woman is going to call her? What if she doesn't? The baby sitter loses income.

• Woman celebrates holidays quietly and happily alone

  December 1, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: Now that the year-end holidays are here, I find myself once again in the sometimes difficult position of having to explain to acquaintances and co-workers why I don't celebrate them.

• Couple's happiness grates on man who felt betrayed

  November 29, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: My first serious relationship lasted a year and ended more than eight years ago. "Stacy" was terrific, but we were very different, and our relationship came to an amicable end.

• Co-workers try to burst bubble of woman's happy marriage

  November 28, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 15 years to the sweetest man in the world. We love each other, we like each other, and I feel truly fortunate.

• Promising conversations turn to empty words in dating game

  November 27, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: I consider myself to be a nice, normal person. I know how to make interesting, intelligent conversation that can engage just about anyone. When I go out socially, I often meet people and we hit it off.

• Husband plans infidelity if wife is incapacitated

  November 26, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: I need some serious advice. I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis a year ago. My condition is stable. I have taken the necessary precautions such as dietary changes, exercise and prescription medications.

• Learning to turn down dates is a critical lesson for girls

  November 23, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: I would like to encourage all parents of daughters to teach their girls how to say "no" clearly and with grace.

• Wife reluctant to let go of dead husband's family

  November 22, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: When my wife, "Kiki," and I married three years ago, I had been divorced for 11 years, and she had been widowed for eight.

• Boy acting like a 'dummy' embarrasses his friend

  November 21, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: I don't want to make my friend "Ryan" mad, but he does something that makes me feel weird. When we go to the mall to hang out, he always wants to go to the big stores. You know those dummies on display wearing clothes? Well, Ryan likes to feel them up! He thinks it's cool to go up to a female dummy and feel her breasts.

• Standing during pledge is simply a sign of respect

  November 20, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: "Silent Supporter, Benson, N.C." (Aug. 26) cannot say the Pledge of Allegiance because of religious reasons. I support his or her right not to participate. However, I disagree with "Silent's" interpretation that standing is participating.

• Childhood friend has grown too adult for her roommate

  November 19, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: I moved to a small town a few years ago to take a job in a very public position. This is a place where everyone knows everyone else's business, so I try hard to maintain a good reputation.

• Bride angles for presents even after groom bails out

  November 18, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: My wife and I received an invitation from a family member to attend their daughter "Heidi's" wedding on Father's Day weekend. We canceled our existing plans in order to attend, and gave "Heidi and Dave" an appropriate gift. As the ceremony progressed, the minister asked, "Do you, Steve, take Heidi" ... at which point the guests began whispering to themselves, "STEVE?"

• Couple argues the long and short of wife's hair

  November 17, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: How do I make my husband understand that how I cut my hair has nothing to do with him? I am 30 years old, and I have a full-time job and three kids who are involved in everything. Because I am always on the go, I need a hairdo that is easy to manage and cute, so I ended up getting my hair cut short. I love it. It makes me feel younger, cuter and trendy.

• Teen caught in a lie feels trapped by parents' distrust

  November 16, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: I have a huge problem. I am a 16-year-old girl, and last week I lied to my best friend's parents so we could go to a movie. Her parents found out and told my parents, who got very angry and have me grounded for a minimum of a month -- depending on my "attitude."

• Bride-to-be second-guesses couple's 30-year age gap

  November 15, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: I am 24 years old and engaged to a man who is 54. I love him with all my heart, but I haven't told my father yet.

• Shameless 'friend' lobbies for loan that wasn't offered

  November 14, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: My friend "Tracy" has been hinting that she needs to borrow money. I don't loan money to people unless it's an emergency, and frankly, I know if I lend her any, she won't pay me back.

• Woman giving men fake phone number is no lady

  November 13, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: I am a licensed psychologist and the director of a small counseling center at a liberal arts college. Part of my duties include answering emergency calls from students who are in crisis.

• Knowing a few simple tricks eases a letter-writer's chore

  November 12, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: I read about your booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions" a few years ago, and I want to let you know how much it helped me recently in writing to my aunt.

• Sisters grow from bitter rivals into best friends

  November 11, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: "Hurt in Sacramento" (Aug. 27) wrote that her sister told her that the only reason she existed was because her dad had been trying for a boy after having three girls. Tell her to trust me -- this is a rite of passage.

• Mom's descent into alzheimer's consumes her daughter's life

  November 10, 2008

  DEAR ABBY: My beautiful, loving mother is now in the middle stages of Alzheimer's disease. This cruel disease has robbed her of her memories as well as the ability to reason and function.