Text size:

As economy continues to falter and jobs become scarce, more couples are stuck in commuter marriages

Shortage of job openings is forcing some couples to live under 2 roofs

By Kristen Kridel | Tribune reporter

March 5, 2009

Kristen DeBlock and her husband, Mark, leave their North Aurora home Monday as he heads to the airport for his job in Arizona. (Tribune photo by Scott Strazzante / March 2, 2009)

Jon Dodson planned to join his wife and four sons in their new home in southwestern Michigan as soon as he could find a job there. But seven months later, he spends his weeknights in a Chicago apartment while, any day now, Meagan Dodson expects to give birth to their first daughter.

The employment prospects for her husband, a computer technician in Evanston, fizzled after companies that might have hired him started laying off people, Meagan Dodson said. So for now he is hanging onto what he has and making the 200-mile round trip to St. Joseph, Mich., on weekends.

"The lifestyle is really different," she said of their long-distance marriage. "The biggest challenge is the kids want him around. ... They don't understand why he doesn't come home every night."

As the economy continues to stumble and new jobs become harder to find, it's likely that more couples will find themselves stuck in commuter marriages, or at least considering the possibility as a financial lifeline, experts say.

Reginald Richardson, vice president of the Family Institute at Northwestern University, said he has seen the number of married couples who are struggling to maintain two households increase by about 30 percent during the last few years. The reasons vary, he said, but now include limited job openings.

"People are much more open to sending their résumés out of state," said Richardson, a marriage counselor. "In this sort of job market, people are going to take care of their families. This may be what they're forced to do."

Precise figures on how many couples are commuting during the recession are difficult to find. The U.S. Census Bureau hasn't released 2008 statistics on the number of married Americans living apart, and previous reports on the subject predate the current downturn. But academic and counseling experts say the next round of data could well show an upward trend in long-distance marriages.

"It wouldn't surprise me," said Eva Ponder, a licensed clinical social worker at Cornerstone Counseling Center of Chicago, who said it may take a little more time for the stresses and problems associated with long-distance marriages to surface.

Caroline Tiger, author of "The Long-Distance Relationship Guide," said she used to hear mainly from unmarried college students and adults in their early 20s, but in recent months inquiries have come chiefly from married couples.

"One spouse had to move for a job because they couldn't pass it up, and people are taking anything," she said. "Now it seems like the demographics of long-distance couples are shifting to more established couples."

Among this group are Mark and Kristen DeBlock, who thought they would be back under the same roof two months ago. Now they would consider themselves lucky if both are living in their North Aurora home when their first baby is born in five months.

"We weren't expecting it to be this long," Kristen DeBlock said.

Mark DeBlock, a surgical sales specialist, accepted a job with heavy travel requirements, thinking it would act as a springboard to a better position in the Chicago area in nine to 12 months.

If the company were still expanding its sales force—the way it had for years—such a position almost certainly would have opened up, he said. But this year the medical device company reduced positions, leaving DeBlock, who is based in Phoenix, stuck. He and his wife see each other every weekend.

Brian and Autumn Schwartze joined the ranks of commuter spouses when the 2009 season was canceled for the Chicago Rush arena football team. Schwartze's services as assistant head coach and defensive coordinator were no longer needed.

Owing more on his South Elgin home than he could probably get for it in this market, the father of three thought he might have to give up football to support his family, Autumn Schwartze said.

Luckily, he was offered a director of football operations position, but with a catch. The job was at Iowa State University in Ames.

That left Autumn Schwartze alone to care for their children and search for potential renters for the better part of the last two months. The couple has seen each other rarely since he took the Iowa State job.

A tenant is expected to move in by mid-March, but she still isn't sure whether she will be reunited with her husband anytime soon.

One possibility might be to stay with her parents, who live about 1 1/2 hours from the university to try to save money, she said. As her move-out date rapidly approached, Autumn Schwartze hadn't even started packing.

"I don't know how," she said. "I don't know if all our stuff is going to be going into storage, if some of it is going to stay with me, or are we going to have a place where we know we are going to live?"

But at least the Schwartzes are certain a dramatic adjustment in their living arrangements is on the way.

Kassie Patton and David Porreca aren't so fortunate. There is no indication their long-distance relationship will get closer even after they get married this summer, Patton said.

She is principal at Elm Middle School in Elmwood Park and lives in Oak Park. Her fiance has taught journalism for 14 years at the University of Illinois Laboratory High School in Urbana.

The current hiring freeze would make it nearly impossible for him to transfer to the University of Illinois at Chicago. So for the time being, the commute continues. The couple see each other about every weekend.

"The plan would be that he would move here, but there's no telling when that will happen," she said. "Oak Park will be his home base, but he'll have a satellite in central Illinois."

kkridel@tribune.com