Ask Amy

March 12, 2009

Dear Amy: My wife, "Jenna," and I go out to eat occasionally with a couple who are friends of ours. We all enjoy a few drinks before we eat, but the definition of a "few" differs between Jenna and the rest of us.

Recent columns

• Husband threatens to evict wife

  March 11, 2009

  Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for six years, and the last couple of years have been very rocky.

• Newlywed ignored the clanging alarm bells

  March 10, 2009

  Dear Amy: A man came into my life via an Internet site and very quickly decided he loved me. He flew to visit me and asked me to marry him right away.

• Dad needs to confront surly daughter

  March 9, 2009

  Dear Amy: I am a 56-year-old divorced man. I live with a nice woman. She doesn't have any children, and I have a grown son and daughter.

• Don't let sis leave out your hubby

  March 8, 2009

  Dear Amy: My sister has two California homes, three miles apart, worth in total more than $3 million.

• Ask Amy

  March 7, 2009

  Dear Amy: I've been married to my husband for 16 years, and we have two beautiful children. He has always been a good provider and father.

• Couple have been through a lot

  March 6, 2009

  Dear Amy: I'm 22 years old and ready to settle down. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. We've been through a lot during our time together. I got pregnant, and then we lost the baby when I was seven months along. Ever since I lost the baby, everything seems different. I think the love my boyfriend had for me when I was pregnant just isn't there anymore.

• Grandson shouldn't make the rules

  March 5, 2009

  Dear Amy: Recently I enjoyed a visit from my grandson, who is in college. We had lunch together in a restaurant.

• Groom needs to grow up

  March 4, 2009

  Dear Amy: I am 25 years old and recently became engaged to the girl I love. My family loves her too.

• Lesbian couple should join the festivities

  March 3, 2009

  Dear Amy: I'm a 24-year-old well-educated woman with a good job and a wonderful family. I'm also lucky to have a loving, supportive girlfriend. She and I have been together for three years.

• Dealing with drama from a drunk ex

  March 2, 2009

  Dear Amy: For the last five years I have been with the man of my dreams. My husband and I have a 6-month-old son. My problem is my ex-boyfriend.

• Luck's about to run out for moocher

  March 1, 2009

  Dear Amy: I socialize with a group of about eight women in my neighborhood. We get together at each other's homes, and we always bring snacks and our beverage of choice.

• Busybody friend needs to cool it

  February 28, 2009

  Dear Amy: My friend "Heather" is dating a man she met at work. He comes across as a nice guy, but he's not. He lives with another woman, and yes, Heather knows this.

• Mom frets over ill-advised romance

  February 27, 2009

  Dear Amy: My daughter is an intelligent, attractive and outgoing college student. She has lots of friends, but the party scene at school does not fit her personality. She's a more down-to-earth type. She has dated but has never had a serious long-term boyfriend. She says most guys her age seem too immature.

• Daughter needs to step up with rent money

  February 26, 2009

  Dear Amy: I had a good job working for the city and owned a house. Due to extreme health problems, I had to leave my job. My health is stable now, but I went bankrupt.

• She's stuck in a rerun of anger over TV

  February 25, 2009

  Dear Amy: My husband and I donate a lot of things to homes for senior citizens.

• She gives stepmothers a bad name

  February 24, 2009

  Dear Amy: I've just married my third husband, and this is his second marriage. We each have a child. I have a son who is 10, and my husband has a 12-year-old daughter.

• Daughter frets over Mom's toxic marriage

  February 23, 2009

  Dear Amy: My mother has just gone back to her husband (my stepfather) for the third time. He is manipulative and puts his grown children (and even his ex-in-laws) before my mother. He has not been kind to my younger sister, who had to live with them when she was younger.

• Son carrying folks' financial burden

  February 22, 2009

  Dear Amy: An ex-boyfriend is going through a difficult rough patch. His family invested heavily in the construction of a new house. Unfortunately, their dreams came crumbling down with the economic downfall, and now they're struggling to avoid bankruptcy.

• In-laws' family photos need updating

  February 21, 2009

  Dear Amy: I got married last summer to a wonderful man and now have a great stepdaughter, who is 9 years old.

• At first blush, it feels like love

  February 20, 2009

  Dear Amy: Around seven months ago, I met "Brian." He's smart, funny and sweet. He respects me (although he occasionally jokes about the fact that I am a lot shorter than he is), and we have fun together.

• Husband's swearing feels abusive

  February 19, 2009

  Dear Amy: My husband swears at me. He has always done this, but lately I think it has gotten worse, and it is really getting to me. Whenever we disagree or argue, he uses disgusting language, directed at me.

• The etiquette of abstaining from sex

  February 18, 2009

  Dear Amy: My girlfriend and I had an argument about sexual etiquette. We are hoping that you could give your opinion and decide who did the right thing.

• Humor might deflect this Neanderthal

  February 17, 2009

  Dear Amy: My husband has been retired for a number of years, and I hold a full-time job. We share household chores and are comfortable with our arrangement. For example, he does the grocery shopping, I do the cooking and he'll do the dishes.

• Using ROTC to sample military life

  February 16, 2009

  Dear Amy: I am a 16-year-old male in high school. When I am old enough, I want to join the Marine Corps.

• When good manners curl up and dye

  February 15, 2009

  Dear Amy: I started coloring my hair again after a four-year hiatus. I've begun having my hair highlighted in a salon, and I'm appalled at the number of people who make comments such as, "Did you dye your hair?" or "I believe we met last summer but your hair was a different color."

• Fundraiser doesn't strike her as fun

  February 14, 2009

  Dear Amy: There was a time when no one in my neighborhood would consider sending their kids to the public schools—everyone moved or went to private schools.

• Is there a way to skip Valentine's Day?

  February 13, 2009

  Dear Amy: Well, Valentine's Day is approaching once again, and I find myself alone. Once again. I am a woman in my mid-30s, was briefly married many years ago and have had few relationships ever since. I feel as if I've tried absolutely everything to find a mate, and the results are, well, not great. Lots of dates, lots of duds.

• An uncomfortable 'friend' request

  February 12, 2009

  Dear Amy: My cousin, who unloaded a rant on me years ago, has never explained, apologized or even acknowledged that she did anything inappropriate.

• She has just cause to avoid her brother

  February 11, 2009

  Dear Amy: I am one of seven children, all of whom are over the age of 40.

• Grandma blatantly plays favorites

  February 10, 2009

  Dear Amy: My husband and I were married two years ago. He has a boy (14) and a girl (9) from his first marriage, and I have a boy (10) and a girl (13) from mine.

• Is engaged friend in danger?

  February 9, 2009

  Dear Amy: My friend is in love and wants to marry a man she met a couple of years ago. Last year he killed her 10-year-old pet in a deliberate and heinous act of violence. Weeks before this happened, she told me she strongly suspected that he was abusive.

• Ask Amy: Give 'hot' goods the cold shoulder

  February 8, 2009

  Dear Amy: I'm a high school freshman in a predicament.

• Divorced dad struggles with daughter

  February 7, 2009

  Dear Amy: My wife divorced me four years ago. At the time, I thought I knew why. We have a teen daughter—she was 11 at the time.

• Generous dad looks for limits

  February 6, 2009

  Dear Amy: I made a commitment to send my daughter on a Caribbean cruise for her 21st birthday.

• Daughter's wielding the power

  February 5, 2009

  Dear Amy: My husband's daughter and her friends followed us (in her father's car) to a college game this past weekend. He told his daughter they could stay an extra hour after the game, and then they needed to drive back home. On our drive home she phoned him to tell him that she was spending the night with a friend (she is 17). He told her "no" and said that she needed to come home. She didn't come home until the next morning.

• A nosy Nellie needs to chill out

  February 4, 2009

  Dear Amy: Is it possible for a single woman and a married man to be "just friends?"

• The undependable guests

  February 3, 2009

  Dear Amy: My husband and I have been friends with another married couple for several years. When we have parties, they frequently decline with reasonable and understandable excuses. However, the day before or the day of the party, they will then call me to say that their original plans fell through and they are free to come.

• Dad creates an emotional chasm

  February 2, 2009

  Dear Amy: I am 28 years old and had my first baby (a beautiful little girl) four months ago.

• Son's fiance's request for wedding funding isn't out of bounds

  February 1, 2009

  Dear Amy: My son and future daughter-in-law are both in the military and have recently become engaged. They plan to get married this summer.

• Friendship chokes over dining

  January 31, 2009

  Dear Amy: My best friend recently became a vegan. She no longer eats meat or any animal product, including cheese, milk, butter and eggs.

• Ask Amy: Speak up about dirty apartment

  January 30, 2009

  Dear Amy: I have been in a relationship with a fantastic guy for about six months.

• Confronting Dad a bad idea

  January 29, 2009

  Dear Amy: I'm a 23-year-old college senior and the first one in my family to attend a university. My brother is 9.

• She's in an academic tailspin

  January 28, 2009

  Dear Amy: I am a 15-year-old girl and have always done well in school, up until now, and if I don't get my grades up soon, I will fail the 10th grade. I think my grades have dropped because of a family issue.

• Old photos have become embarrassing

  January 26, 2009

  Dear Amy: I'm in my mid-20s, and I just finished my master's degree. I maintain contact with several colleagues and other professional contacts on a popular social networking Web site.

• Brother's fiance can be Jekyll/Hyde

  January 25, 2009

  Dear Amy: My brother recently got engaged to a woman who can be incredibly fun, kind, generous and gracious. However, at a moment's notice, she can become offended and become very passive-aggressive and refuse to admit that anything is wrong (much less tell us what offended her).

• Ask Amy: Friend has eating disorder

  January 24, 2009

  Dear Amy: I'm 20 years old and have a best friend whom I care for a great deal.

• Ask Amy: Boyfriend not trying to get a job

  January 23, 2009

  Dear Amy: I am 30, and my boyfriend is 32. We have been together for eight months. We are looking at this relationship as one that will lead to marriage.

• Ask Amy: A mother-in-law's manners

  January 22, 2009

  Dear Amy: I was recently married, and my mother-in-law has welcomed me into the family. Other than a regular plea that we provide her with grandchildren, she's not totally overbearing.

• Mom's actions, past upset daughter

  January 21, 2009

  Dear Amy: Over the last decade I have learned many disturbing stories about my mother. These have changed my opinion of her and driven a wedge between us.

• Ask Amy

  January 20, 2009

  Dear Amy: My grown son's girlfriend dresses in a very bizarre, clownish manner, layering mismatched, oversize rainbow-colored clothes over herself. Her attire is not just funky, but it is beyond the pale in terms of strangeness and embarrasses me in front of friends and family.

• The moody, adolescent ingrate

  January 19, 2009

  Dear Amy: One of our grandsons (age 111/2) visited us over the holidays, along with his three younger sisters.

• Tell pal's husband to back off

  January 18, 2009

  Dear Amy: We have become friendly with another couple through our grade-school daughters, who are close friends.

• Music brings sad reminder of lost brother

  January 17, 2009

  Dear Amy: Twenty years ago my big brother died as a young man after a grueling cancer battle. Talk about a promising life cut short. He held a PhD in physics, was a genius and a well-liked guy.

• Facing financial crisis with faith

  January 16, 2009

  Dear Amy: My husband is a walking financial disaster. He doesn't listen to me. He thinks he knows it all. We have lost our home to foreclosure and are really struggling. We have been married for 13 years and have three children. He has always been a stubborn person. He is not teachable and does not take anyone's advice.

• Her name has gone to old crush's dog; social differences end relationship

  January 15, 2009

  Dear Amy: I used be good friends with "Martin" in college. I was pretty much in love with him for almost two years, but we were never more than friends.

• Intent is key in informing on affair

  January 14, 2009

  Dear Amy: I discovered e-mails, pictures and phone records that indicate my husband is having a torrid affair (his third). The woman is a self-described conservative Christian, married and with two young children.

• Friends, volunteering help in tough times

  January 13, 2009

  Dear Amy: In the last couple of years I lost my best friend in an accident and my job (along with my health insurance and pension). Then I took in my elderly mother, whom I cared for until her death. I also lost my beloved little dog around the same time.

• Counseling a must, even if wife won't go

  January 12, 2009

  Dear Amy: My wife and I have been married for 23 years, and in the last year things have taken a turn for the worse. She spent the holidays away from me because I didn't want to visit the same people she did.

• 9 is old enough for good manners

  January 11, 2009

  Dear Amy: I do not want to sound like a stuffed shirt, but what manners should I expect from my 9-year-old nephew? My brother and I were raised in a strict family where manners were stressed. I have been told that it is easy for me to be critical when I do not have children, however, in my opinion that is a cop-out.

• Ex's e-mails causing worry

  January 10, 2009

  Dear Amy: Out of the blue, I've been contacted by an ex. I'd be happy never to speak to this person again; we had a brief relationship several years ago, which represents part of my past that I'd rather forget.

• Late bloomer seeks dating tips

  January 9, 2009

  Dear Amy: I am a 31-year-old single female with no children. I am approached by men wanting to go out on dates often, but I haven't wanted to date anyone until now.

• Sisters breaking off communication

  January 8, 2009

  Dear Amy: Over the past year, my 42-year-old sister has for some reason decided she does not need family anymore.

• He wasn't invited to niece's wedding

  January 7, 2009

  Dear Amy: I have been a househusband for the last 20 years. I have six sisters and no brothers. Recently, one of my sister's daughters was married, and I was intentionally not invited. Through the family grapevine, I learned that it was my niece's choice.

• Ex-boyfriend may not want 'closure'

  January 6, 2009

  Dear Amy: I'm happily married with four wonderful children. I have a great husband and a great career.

• Boyfriend gives her the cold shoulder

  January 5, 2009

  Dear Amy: My boyfriend of two years and I have been living together for four months. I uprooted my life and moved 2,000 miles to be with him.

• When friendship ends, let bride have the dress

  January 4, 2009

  Dear Amy: My best friend and I recently had an amicable split, realizing that we've grown apart and no longer have that close bond of friendship.

• Rabbi spreads the news about illnesses

  January 3, 2009

  Dear Amy: I belong to a synagogue that recently got a new rabbi. He has a policy that I find very disturbing. In the past, when a member of the congregation was ill or hospitalized, our former rabbi would share that information with senior clergy, and, if the person had requested help or visitors, with the chairman of the committee that arranged such things.

• Mother of the groom beside herself

  January 2, 2009

  Dear Amy: To keep the invitees to our son's wedding at a reasonable number, we chose not to invite cousins of the bride's and groom's parents.

• Cute boy overshadows quiet sister

  January 1, 2009

  Dear Amy: My two children recently performed at church with the youth choir. My 5-year-old son, who is very animated, was in the front row, so most of the congregation could see him. My 8-year-old daughter, who is quiet, was two rows away and also sang.

• Sour relative won't apologize

  December 31, 2008

  Dear Amy: A close relative has a miserable disposition with family but is the life of the party with everyone else. Everyone in the family has been repeatedly hurt by her behavior after bending over backward to make her happy. Nothing is ever good enough.

• Girlfriend has packed on some pounds

  December 30, 2008

  Dear Amy: My long-term girlfriend has gained some weight during the course of our relationship. She seemed happier and more confident when she weighed less.

• Daughter married to a jerk

  December 29, 2008

  Dear Amy: My 25-year-old daughter has two children and is married to a controlling, manipulative, verbally abusive man without an honest job.

• Best pal's gal should be off-limits

  December 28, 2008

  Dear Amy: Recently I've lost one of my greatest friends because I've been conversing with his girlfriend of six months, but he is confusing conversation with flirting. Within a day, our relationship has gone from friends to enemies.

• Some secrets should not be kept

  December 27, 2008

  Dear Amy: My best friend's dad has extreme anger problems.

• Smoking harms health, friendship

  December 26, 2008

  Dear Amy: We have become best friends with our neighbors, and we spend quite a bit of time together. Unfortunately, they're smokers. We're not.

• Young couple stops having sex

  December 25, 2008

  Dear Amy: My 18-year-old daughter has been dating her boyfriend for more than a year. They have been sexually active for more than half of that time.

• Readers offer more ways to replace traditional gifts with support for charities

  December 24, 2008

  Dear Readers: Recently I ran a letter from "Far-Away Family" that detailed the writer's effort to rework the traditional gift exchange. I suggested that the family could exchange holiday letters and family photos instead of more material gifts this year.

• Guest a hazard at holiday party

  December 23, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have a holiday party every year for about 60 people. Sometimes bottlenecks develop between rooms. If guests want to move from room to room, most people wait patiently or "slither" gracefully between the guests

• A question of grace for atheists

  December 22, 2008

  Dear Amy: I come from an atheist family. As I have grown up, I've come to draw my own conclusions about my beliefs. The majority of my family remains atheist because teachings of religion are "just not for them."

• Assume your gaydar is on the fritz

  December 21, 2008

• Couple don't like friend's cooking

  December 20, 2008

  Dear Amy: My husband and I are very friendly with a couple whom we enjoy very much. We vacation with them and spend time with them in social gatherings.

• Wife's brother's stay causes strain

  December 19, 2008

• Boyfriend's exes are too friendly

  December 18, 2008

• Ex isn't taking no for an answer

  December 17, 2008

  Dear Amy: I'm a 21-year-old female college student. I dated a guy my age for almost six months, but I ended the relationship last year. I didn't feel we were compatible. I do have some feelings for him, but I have told him that they aren't enough for me to want to get back together with him. We are still friends and hang out. A few days ago, he told me he is still in love with me.

• Passively aggressive couple in crisis

  December 16, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have been married for 27 years. My husband isn't successful professionally, so I support our family through a job an hour's commute away. Several years ago I found a bunch of porn videos in his home office, told him they were sexist and demeaning of women, and threw them away. I told him he had to stop or we were finished.

• Reach out to the less fortunate

  December 15, 2008

  Dear Readers: This is the time of year when many people choose to celebrate their own blessings by giving to others.

• Husband follows pals to strip club

  December 14, 2008

  Dear Amy: For several years, my husband has attended a "boys" golf weekend and other outings with a group of men in their 50s and 60s. Their activities are planned by other individuals. Until recently, I have always been supportive of my husband's opportunity to relax and spend time with his buddies.

• Couple consider taking a break

  December 13, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have been dating my boyfriend for almost three years. I am deeply in love with him and know that I could stay with him for years to come. I am concerned, however, because our relationship is the first serious relationship either of us has had.

• Wedding photo unappreciated

  December 12, 2008

  Dear Amy: My wife and I sponsored our son's wedding a few years ago. It was held overseas, and we paid for everything, including a photography session that resulted in some high-quality wedding photos. One was a portrait of our son and his bride.

• Your Valentine's say

  February 8, 2008

  Valentine's Day can bring out the best -- and regrettably, sometimes, the worst -- in people.

• After an affair, disclosure can lead to closure

  March 8, 2007

  Dear Amy: About 10 years ago, my wife had an affair.