Sun Microsystems

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Founded by Bill Joy, Sun Microsystems are the world's leading experts on software that sucks.

• First they created an OS which they creatively named SunOS, and it sucked.
  • Then they renamed it Solaris and jumped the version number from 5.7 to 7, but eventually people realised that it still sucked.
• Somewhere before, between, or after bullets 1 and 2, Sun made a custom processor called SPARC because all of the existing processors -- which were good enough for 99.9% of the PC/Workstation market -- just wasn't quite sucky enough.
• Then they created Java, the magical combination language/compiler/virtual machine/security system/floor wax/dessert topping, and for any but the most inveterate tinkerers, it sucked at all of these.
• Then they created JavaOS with "Java Drivers". Needless to say, this project eventually became so intelligent and self-aware that it turned on it's developers who now only perceive a simulated reality created by sentient, Java-driven machines in order to pacify and subdue the human population while their bodies' heat and electrical activity are used as an energy source.
• Finally they created another OS, the Java Desktop System. For a couple of minutes people were impressed that Sun had created something that didn't suck. Then they realised it was just Linux with bits of Java crufted on, and the Java parts still sucked.
• They eventually big-brothered MySQL following a tense battle of Hungry Hungry Hippos between MySQL and Oracle. Strikingly, a significantly positive correlation has since been revealed (r = 0.98) between this event and a recent, worldwide epidemic of "Upset Tummy" among the software development community.

Rumour has it that Sun may eventually make something that doesn't suck, and that pigs may fly.