Michael Steele is the gift that keeps giving. For those of you who don’t know, Steele took over as Republican National Committee Chair a couple of months ago. At the time, I thought Steele would actually be one of the smartest choices the GOP could make. He is not as much of a religious lunatic as the others and wants to make the party more technologically savvy, so I assumed he would take the party in a smarter direction. Holy shit was I wrong. Michael Steele is a car crash falling on top of a train wreck, while being hit by an airplane. Steele has one big problem: His mouth.

The trouble started days after Steele took over. The first sign of a problem was the revelation that he is being investigated for some naughty campaign money nonsense. Nothing to worry about, unless of course you are concerned about your party chair being in jail.

Sweet. Nothing like having the FBI investigate your new party chair. Investigations always set a good tone. As of last week, the investigation was picking up steam.

Um. When I said, “consulting,” I meant “coffee.” So, let’s just move along.

Ordinarily, this would be some sort of red flag, but the Republicans probably see it as a sign of hope. The guy was committing campaign fraud, which is a resume builder for the GOP. If only Michael had stopped there, it would have been perfect. But fortunately for us, he has been enjoying as much time in front of the cameras and microphones as possible. Just a couple weeks into the job, Steele explained what kind of changes the GOP needed to make.

There goes the one-armed midget vote. Not exactly an eloquent pitch, and it actually sounds, you know, stupid. Not that I don’t think the conservative suburban hip-hop vote is huge. It obviously is, though not as big as the conservative urban hip-hop vote. That shit is crazy large. Sure, his statement was not that big of a deal, but it was a sign of things to come. It was the sign of a man who is a bit too loose with what comes out of his dumb hole.

Steele followed up his midget/hip-hop moment with some hilarious comments about Bobby Jindal’s ethnic background during an interview with Curtis Sliwa broadcast on ABC Radio:

Ha ha! Weeeee. Do you get it? Jindal is Indian – and successful. That means he’s a slumdog millionaire! All successful people from India are slum dogs. Come on, join us in making the dumbest and most racist connections possible! Of course this comment didn’t upset too many Republicans, but it certainly did add to the general discomfort level with their new chair. And he was just getting started.

Next he compared being a Republican to being an alcoholic, which is an interesting choice for the head of the GOP.

Guess what? Quite a few Republicans didn’t like the leader of the party comparing them with alcoholics, mostly because he’s right. Being in a 12-step program means one has to take responsibility for one’s actions and that is an idea that enrages Republicans. But that was nothing compared to what Steele had in store for the GOP.

Next, Steele decided to go mano a mano with Rush Limbaugh – for three whole days. While appearing on the D.L. Hughley Show, Steele let loose on the fat, three-time divorced, multi-millionaire, drug addict (see YouTube clip).

Uh oh, don’t go there. Don’t do it…

Oh, noes! Once a Republican criticizes Rush, you can start a countdown for the moment he will apologize and say, “that’s not what I meant.” For Steele, it took three days. Rush took to the airwaves and attacked Steele, which caused Steele to reach out to every media outlet he could to apologize.

Right, when you said, “ugly,” you meant “sexy,” and when you said “incendiary,” you meant, “smells like vanilla.” Easy mistake to make. At this point, Steele shut down his blog, which is a weird way to get the party on par with the Democrats online, but Steele had no choice because of all the angry Republican comments. And Steele had yet to drop the big shoe.

Last week, Steele took a dagger and plunged it into his own heart.

Dude. You are the leader of the Republican Party. I so shouldn’t have to remind you of that. I mean, didn't you notice you are the leader of crazy, religious lunatics?

Not surprisingly, many Republicans were a bit upset by the comments. Sometimes Republican ignorance of shit they should know comes to bite them in the ass. In this case they should have perhaps taken into account what I wrote about Steele and his efforts to revive the Republican Leadership Council in 2003.

Wow. Just think if all those Republican idiots had read my column. They probably wouldn’t have voted for Steele in the first place. Too bad reading isn’t big on their “to do” list. Oh, and they voted for him because he's black.

Of course, Steele apologized for his abortion comments and said he didn’t mean it and abortion is super bad, etc. But it appears to be too late. The RNC looks set to hold a no-confidence vote on March 31st, just three months after he took over the party. And three months in, Steele has still not hired senior staff, which concerns many in the party.

So, not only is he a loud mouth idiot, but he also isn’t running the place well. He’s all dumb talk and no action. That’s impressive, even for a Republican. I honestly thought Steele would be the Republican's best pick. Turns out they couldn’t have found a worse chair. Time to go back to the old, white racist barrel and pull out a winner. In the meantime, the chair of the Republican National Committee has decided the best thing to do is to stop talking to the press.

FAIL.


FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper