Emo
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Emo (pronounced "re·tard·ed") is a music fashion dumbass movement which requires followers to apply heavy eye-liner, wear overly tight jeans, enjoy large cock (not that they ever get any, unless they got a granddad), dye their hair black (don't forget to skip the shower) and grow a long fringe to help warp their vision of the world. This warped fringe vision causes the wearer to insult people who are fucking depressed IRL by making a fad of feigning their own dire depression. Emo music consists of insane amounts of moaning about how great it is to wear the above mentioned eye-liner / vision of the world warping fringe / black hair / tight jeans but how terrible it is that hawt emo girl X doesn't want to fuck you. Some emo songs deviate slightly, encouraging male listeners to "Ahhh, c'mon, FUCK A GUY!" Conclusive scientific evidence suggests that emos are more hated than black people, Jews, pig fuckers, Gays AND your mom combined. All emos, without exception, belong to the Emocrat Party. They all suffer from severe narcissism, leading them to believe that they alone know what pain is, and that no one understands them. They all believe that their affliction could not be worse, that their life in their quiet suburban house house with their own television and computer in their room is the worst in the world. Emo is a "self-fulfilling prophecy". The more you bitch about no one liking you, the more no one will like you. Emos have no ability to look at the world around them objectively, an ability probably hindered by their retarded hair. If they would, they'd realize that being middle class and white ain't so bad. Unfortunately, because emo's are actually the biggest pussies on the face of the universe, they increase in numbers faster than they decrease in numbers.
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Origins
Emos (Latin for I buy) wear tight clothing due to the fact that they have sensitive, feminine skin passed down from their brother-dads and have a knack for bitching about that new car their rich dads DIDN'T get for them. They hide and want to be alone because they are too shy to contact anyone, which is partly contributed from the Jewish trait of fearing criticism. Also, they feel that their flaws are immediately visible from just their presence (another trait passed down from the Jews, who are very superficial people).
Emo is in fact a subdivision of Goth witch itself is a subdivision of Punk.
If an emo is or has either of the following, he or she will become more inclined to ending it all in a suicidal fashion:
- They have been physically abused in the past.
- They are cruelly forced to take out the trash or do other hard physical labor.
- They have been made fun of over the internets
- They have been compared to a goth.
- They've had their MySpace poetry criticized.
- They say that no one understands them.
Git 'em young
In an interesting trend, young teenagers have begun adopting the emo mantra as their new Jesus, even though they will nevar rarely cut themselves. They enjoy the thrill of straightening their rat's nest of hair pile of black hay straggly mop that rests atop their head and wearing tons of makeup to cover their pimple-ridden pubescent faces. They take black-and-white pictures of themselves and define themselves as "misunderstood" on their MySpace, Facebook, LiveJournal, Friendster or Bebo pages. Their usernames usually consist of serious descriptions of how they truly feel inside and are usually encased in a variety of symbols e.g. xXDarknessSurroundsXx, ^^)MyAngelCries(^^, X+LoveLikeFire+X. Many think that turning emo will instantly turn them hot.
The common path to emo generally follows these steps:
- 1. They have a happy cheerful carebear MySpace profile up until they're 12.
- 2. One of their fat friends gets depressed and makes an emo MySpace.
- 3. 12 year old friend sees this and goes OMG TAHTS SU KEWL!!11 and copies them.
- 4. They straighten their disgusting
hairwig that they haven't washed in 3 months, put on a lot of makeup and take pictures. - 5. Post with comments like "NOONE UNDERSTANDZ ME!!11 M I DESTIND 2 NEVR FYND LUV???"
- 6. After getting a ton of attention saying "aww hunny dont wory im here 4 u :)", they start complaining about EVERYTHING.
- 7. Become an hero.
Current situation
The current incarnation of emo has basically replaced all other teenage culture (read gays and little/teenage girls who went crazy over the boybands) as the dominant one. The slightly faded "vintage" clothing and track suits are available at any mall and often displayed in tandem with the most mainstream wares. Because the accouterments and garb are very easy and cheap to obtain, it makes the style accessible to you. In earlier times emo was a generally male-dominated subculture with very few females observed at shows and events (mostly because all present looked like girls anyway). Now, however, due to the ease of obtainment of the requisite style items, many females have become involved in the subculture. Please see the above photo for an illustration of a typical specimen. There may be no easily discernible differences between the standard teenager and someone involved in the emo scene.
Often, participants are referred to as "emo kids," "emofags," just "fags," or any combination of these. Rednecks often refer to the participants simply as "wrist-cuttin' hippies". Normal people often say that "emo" is short for "gay trannys that listen to bad music". Everyone else calls them "failures at life".
Emo kids are a common plague on sites such as MySpace, Facebook, Bebo and YouTube as these sites offer the perfect digital mediums for them to display their tormented souls to the world.
Emo Poetry (click to expand)
This is My Suicide by Noodlekneader
I hate this
Almost as much as
I want to hate you
But I can't
I can't hate you
I don't know why
I should
I have reason
You said it yourself
"I sexed up Tal for you
Didn't I?
And Enta left you for
Me!"
Yes
You did
You fucked my mate
Even when you knew
How much I loved him
What's worse
It took you days to tell me
And even then
You were evasive
You waited for me to ask
If you'd screwed him
And you didn't even give me
A straight answer
Enta left me for you
Why?
I don't know
I guess he was what I
DID
But it's sure taking him
A long time
To see the
Real you
The one that's
Sleeping around
Betraying
Backstabbing
The one that
I see
The only way I know of
To really hurt you
Is to hurt myself
I'm the only person
I can inflict
Pain
On and not feel
Guilty
But this time
It won't say
I'm sorry
Because I'm not
This time
It will say
I'm dead
Because by the time
Anyone reads it
I will be
Emo Poem by Mojon
Don't ask me how I'm feeling
Because I'll just say "ok"
But really it say nothing
On just how I feel today
Don't ask me what I'm thinking
On what's going through my brain
If only you got a taste
You'd think I was insane
Don't ask me what I'm saying
Or why I talk at all
I'm just reminding myelf I can speak
As I walk through the empy hall
Don't ask me what I'm seeing
Because you could see it too
If you'd only open your eyes
But right now you havn't got a clue
Don't ask me what I'm doing
You wouldn't understand
I'm just waiting for 'The End'
Seeing all the chaos at hand
A sad song from my heart by Knifeshadow
At times I feel like I’m someone I’m not,
At times I feel as if the whole world is watching every breath I take, every movement I make,
At times I feel lost…not knowing what to do next in life,
At times I feel dead inside, no good feelings, no emotion at all,
At times I wish I were someone ells,
At times…I really try to see myself through other’s eyes, but all I see is a fake a lie, I’m not as happy and care free as some may think,
Behind the smile and happiness is a girl…
A girl who has pain and sorrow in my heart,
And will never let people truly see…the real girl behind the smile,
At times I find myself thinking…
“I can only tell people who I really am through my heart’s song,”
Emo Poem by Katie
My life sucks
so badly
and I want
to see crimson blood
drip from my wrists.
Only
Gerard Way
can understand my pain.
I cry
myself
to sleep
as the blood
falls to the floor.
EmoTube
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stfu stfu STFU
The True Meaning of Being Emo
Emo over the ages
Emo has had a long history in many forms, from the early Beatniks (named after the constant beatings they would receive) to today's contemporary emo kids:
ERA: | EMO KIDS WERE: | DRUG OF CHOICE: |
1920's | Flappers | Shit, Dead Animals, sweat, Pot |
1930's | Everyone | Hooch, Cough Medicine, Perks |
1940's | Nazis | Hitler, little boys, Pot |
1950's | Beatniks | Poetry, Bongo Drums, Pot |
1960's | Hippies | Pot, Acid, Pot |
1970's | Disco | Cocaine |
1980's | New Romantics | Ecstasy, anal sex |
1990's | Grunge | Heroin, Flannel, Starbucks Coffee |
2000's | Emo | Zoloft, Wellbutrin, NyQuil, Morrissey |
2010's | Everyone | Hentai, Tofu, Insects |
National Emo Kid Beatdown Day
Russia declares war!
Shortly before Russia invaded South Ossetia, legislation was drafted that would end the cancer that is killing Russia once and for all. Butthurt emos across Russia protested with angsty and heartfelt slogans like "Kill the state in yourself" (Moar liek "Kill yourself," amirite?) and "A totalitarian state encourages stupidity." Much to their chagrin, the emos' secret ties to the Nazis have been exposed by the Russian government.
MySpace emo kids
MySpace is the primary breeding ground of pure gay emo faggotry. It is not yet known why so many people devote so much time looking at pure shit. Studies have shown that Tom, the founder of MySpace has PEDO POWERS that cause all 16-year-old girls to sign up to his site. It is obvious that these sort of sites would appeal to emos, as it lets them bleat on about how miserable their pampered fucking suburban lives are and expect people to actually give a shit. Although nothing has yet been proven, preliminary results show that Tom emits a special type of gamma ray that makes gay emo fag girls horny. Another theory is that Tom is Adolf Hitler, and that using MySpace is similar to wearing the Jew identification badges Hitler used.
Recently, MySpace has lost its credibility with the emos, and they have since flocked over to EmoScene.com (plz troll). It is your duty to follow the emos to this new site and show them they are a sheep following a silly trend.
Common emo behavior
- Crying.
- Taking self portrait pictures.
- Having hair that is significantly longer in front and stupidly dyed by your mom.
- Cutting.
- Crying.
- Attending art school in hopes of being someone important.
- Wearing pants that are TOO fucking tight.
- Threatening to become an hero but usually never following through.
- Writing trite poetry about misery and gloom.
- Constantly on myspace.
- Crying.
- Bragging about how miserable and unfair their life is.
- Diagnosing themselves with Asperger's syndrome. And probably being right.
- Getting eating disorders and bragging about it.
- Posting at The Cave of Dragonflies.
- Ruining every user-contributor-based website ever.
- Piercing every part of their face
- Taking themselves more seriously than Wikipedia.
- Over exaggerating their "emotions".
- Insulting people who suffer from depression by trivializing and over exaggerating what they've "gone through".
- Stealing just about every Weaboo cliques, like anime and J-rock, and just about every shit clique from the 80's and 90's. Of course, they're doing absolutely all wrong.
- Did we mention crying?
Please refer to the Ofishul Emo Code for a complete list of rulez you must follow to be a true emo.
Gallery
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See also
- Operation Yewtube
- Guess the Gender
- Mixcds
- Emosexuality
- Hamlet
- Emogame
- National Emo Kid Beatdown Day
- WHEN I WAS
- Fbr trash
- Emo Cutter Girl
- The polar opposite of emo
- Emoscene.com
- Perfection dolls
- Cutting
- Scene
- Suicide Girls
- Emotion Eric
- Chavmo
- thats not funny my brother died that way
- BAWWWW
- TCK
Moar videos
- Every emo video, evar
- ILive4Hardcore, emo extraordinaire.
- ILive4Hardcore wanting to bring on the "haters". Of course, he's asking for it.
- emberXeye's video diary BAWWWWWING, part 1.
- emberXeye's video diary BAWWWWWING, part 2.
- Some dyke chick tells the truth about Emos
- Ian MacKaye pwns Emo
- Video: Goth parodies Emo
- A typical emo song.
- Guy pwns an egoistical emo in denial fag.
- J-emo kid defends an emo Youtube user, comment him and he'll remove them due to butthurt! BAWW!!
- What's this? Two 16 year old girls doing the emo song. A severe and disturbing case of hipster irony.
- I must be emo; an emo documentary
- Lol, emos
- An Emokiller
- High Priest of the Church of Noemo
- An Emo Hater's brilliant response to the "Guy pwns an egotistical emo in denial fag." video.
- YouTube emo troll gets pwned by geek dressed as a Blues Brother
External links
- Emo hair and hairstyles.
- Emo forums.
- Emo Hairstyles Photos.
- 'How to' book of suicide.
- How to go undercover/identify your target!
- The dangers of emo
- LOLB& in Soviet Russia. EAT COMMUNISM
- Facebook group of Emo kids BAWWWING at being B& in Soviet Russia.
Emo is part of a series on Music |
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