I'm not sure if it's depression or what, but I haven't cared for much lately. I'm sick of complaining about work. I'm sick about complaining about people. And I'm terribly sick of complaining about complaining. Lately all I've cared to think about is disappearing. Entirely. Although, I'd settle for moving somewhere far. A friend wants to move to San Francisco once she gets out of college, and we talked about sharing a place. I may take her up on it.
I just feel like I need to get out.
I've also been reading a lot. Mainly brainy stuff by Steven Pinker and Richard Dawkins. Although my next books are: "Boneshaker", "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?", and "Neuromancer". I also bought "The Dark Elf Trilogy" for my cousin... but it's an autographed version and I wanted to read it again, so I decided to keep it.
Hmm what else... I've been on a few dates with a young lady and I can't tell if she's uninterested, or just not used to dating. It doesn't help that I'm incredibly self-doubting... Maybe it's because we don't have too much in common. Although my biggest fear is that I've become far too apathetic towards everyone, that I can no longer feel emotional towards anyone. I hope that isn't the case.
Anyway, I have some ideas for photo shoots and I plan on making some sets in my backyard. Two walls and a floor, made in a way that can be torn down easily and transported. Ambitious plan, but I think it'll be fun and hopefully get me out of this creative rut.
All for now!
Tony: Hey, boss! C'mere! Sun-Up is the worst horse on the track!
Dr. Hackenbush: I notice he wins all the time.
Tony: Aw, just because he comes in first.
I just feel like I need to get out.
I've also been reading a lot. Mainly brainy stuff by Steven Pinker and Richard Dawkins. Although my next books are: "Boneshaker", "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?", and "Neuromancer". I also bought "The Dark Elf Trilogy" for my cousin... but it's an autographed version and I wanted to read it again, so I decided to keep it.
Hmm what else... I've been on a few dates with a young lady and I can't tell if she's uninterested, or just not used to dating. It doesn't help that I'm incredibly self-doubting... Maybe it's because we don't have too much in common. Although my biggest fear is that I've become far too apathetic towards everyone, that I can no longer feel emotional towards anyone. I hope that isn't the case.
Anyway, I have some ideas for photo shoots and I plan on making some sets in my backyard. Two walls and a floor, made in a way that can be torn down easily and transported. Ambitious plan, but I think it'll be fun and hopefully get me out of this creative rut.
All for now!
Tony: Hey, boss! C'mere! Sun-Up is the worst horse on the track!
Dr. Hackenbush: I notice he wins all the time.
Tony: Aw, just because he comes in first.
Well it's been rather interesting (maybe just dull) since my last post.
I've started to loath my job again. I have no respect for my supervisor nor my boss. Their two-faced comments, shrill policies and lack of comprehending how we, the people doing the work, might feel about things.
Such as:
Talking about other employees, in our own department, in a way that undermines the term "team". "Team" is a laughable term/concept, not just in life as a whole, but especially for our department. It is interesting to see how divided we all are, not only with work responsibilities, but also in our friendships. It is truly fascinating how cliques can pop up within a department. While I won't say I'm above it all, in fact I've joined a clique of my own (one that is very much opposed to the way things are being run), I do my best to stay an neutral as possible. Unfortunately, I'm not very subtle about it. In fact, I mainly go about it by being very short with people and not showing much emotion. Half the time I feel utterly depressed and in complete contempt of where I'm at. I show a minimal of interest in what my supervisor has to say, simply because I hate being asked: "What's wrong?". Plenty. But I am a very private person who doesn't even tell best-friends about certain things. Let a lone a co-worker. There's more to be said, but I think you get the gist.
Now for the policies. This one blends in a little with their lack of comprehension of how we might feel towards things, so I'll simply talk about them both. Lately it seems that the slower our work pace has become, the more time upper (and middle and lower) management has to ponder ways to make things more... well I'm not quite sure. Being told, at least once a day, of a new way of doing something that you've been doing for two years... gets a little tiresome. Also the fact that these same rules are being changed constantly, with little time to even see if they work or not, to me, shows a lack of comprehending what's going on. Being forced to wear "safety" glasses at all times, even when there is no, even slight, potential for danger is something I've complained about enough (I think...). But now for a good one. They first swiveled a video camera towards the direction that we put together our orders. Now, they've gone and moved the camera entirely, so that they can get a more clear view of the work place. Did they tell us why? No. Should they have? It would be nice; there we go right there, undermining the "team". This of course leads to what all of management says they want nothing of: rumors. The rumor being, that people are stealing. Trust me, no one is stealing what we have.
In more important news, I bought a new book: "How the Mind Works" by Steven Pinker. Truly fascinating and very eye opening as to how and why I think the way I do. It might not seem important to know how it is exactly that we process a sentence, but it is interesting to learn. The fact that most people would think it benign, shows just how important it is to study it. The more we learn of what we take for granted, the more we might appreciate what our species has become.
Well I am very tired and about to go on a week long vacation, so I shall end it here.
I've started to loath my job again. I have no respect for my supervisor nor my boss. Their two-faced comments, shrill policies and lack of comprehending how we, the people doing the work, might feel about things.
Such as:
Talking about other employees, in our own department, in a way that undermines the term "team". "Team" is a laughable term/concept, not just in life as a whole, but especially for our department. It is interesting to see how divided we all are, not only with work responsibilities, but also in our friendships. It is truly fascinating how cliques can pop up within a department. While I won't say I'm above it all, in fact I've joined a clique of my own (one that is very much opposed to the way things are being run), I do my best to stay an neutral as possible. Unfortunately, I'm not very subtle about it. In fact, I mainly go about it by being very short with people and not showing much emotion. Half the time I feel utterly depressed and in complete contempt of where I'm at. I show a minimal of interest in what my supervisor has to say, simply because I hate being asked: "What's wrong?". Plenty. But I am a very private person who doesn't even tell best-friends about certain things. Let a lone a co-worker. There's more to be said, but I think you get the gist.
Now for the policies. This one blends in a little with their lack of comprehension of how we might feel towards things, so I'll simply talk about them both. Lately it seems that the slower our work pace has become, the more time upper (and middle and lower) management has to ponder ways to make things more... well I'm not quite sure. Being told, at least once a day, of a new way of doing something that you've been doing for two years... gets a little tiresome. Also the fact that these same rules are being changed constantly, with little time to even see if they work or not, to me, shows a lack of comprehending what's going on. Being forced to wear "safety" glasses at all times, even when there is no, even slight, potential for danger is something I've complained about enough (I think...). But now for a good one. They first swiveled a video camera towards the direction that we put together our orders. Now, they've gone and moved the camera entirely, so that they can get a more clear view of the work place. Did they tell us why? No. Should they have? It would be nice; there we go right there, undermining the "team". This of course leads to what all of management says they want nothing of: rumors. The rumor being, that people are stealing. Trust me, no one is stealing what we have.
In more important news, I bought a new book: "How the Mind Works" by Steven Pinker. Truly fascinating and very eye opening as to how and why I think the way I do. It might not seem important to know how it is exactly that we process a sentence, but it is interesting to learn. The fact that most people would think it benign, shows just how important it is to study it. The more we learn of what we take for granted, the more we might appreciate what our species has become.
Well I am very tired and about to go on a week long vacation, so I shall end it here.
Fuck, You.
So tonight was interesting, to say the least.
Went with Peas to see Combichrist at Das Bunker, saw them a few nights ago with her at The Wiltern. Great group.
Anyway, as to be expected (though, still not wanted) drunk people started being stupid (or maybe just stupid people being... stupid), by jumping around into people and pushing everyone in one direction. Which is all fine and dandy, until you start annoying me or the person I'm there with.
So anyway, some douche starting being an ass to the people behind us, which in turn ruins our (I guess mine specifically, not sure how Heather felt) fun. So now he's on my radar and the more the people behind us complain and all that, the more aggravated I get. So somehow he gets to the front and everyone is fine...
And then there's this asshole (to quote Penn Jillette):
There's a ruckus at the front and to the right of us and a group of people are getting pushed back to get out of this loser's way. Well after about three instances of that, the culprit stumbles into my view and begins his douchebagery in front of me. Bad idea. Without hesitation, as soon as he got close enough I grabbed for his neck to pull him around and push him toward the back of the crowd. Well, as it were, he was drunk, causing him to stumble, then turn around and try to reach for me. It was rather amusing with his: what-are-you-doing drunken look on his face. At this point I've given my camera to Heather, and have yelled at the dude "Get the FUCK outta here!" and giving a rather umpire-like hand gesture.
So he then tries to reach for me, which I easily avoid and try my luck at pushing him to the left of the crowd... his he promptly falls down.
So, now he's on the floor still with his: what-are-you-doing look upon his face. He then reaches up, expecting me to help him to his feet. Which I promptly reply with a middle-finger to his face and a helping of "FUCK YOU! Get the FUCK outta here!". After that some people helped him to his feet, which he proceeded to reach for me again; deflecting, but he was able to get a hold of my hoodie [note: don't have a hoodie on when in a physical altercation; prime choke real estate]. Now a group of people are pulling him away and I'm prying his fingers off my hoodie.
That was essentially it, now though, people began applauding me. Not clapping mind you, but simple: "You won dude", "Awesome, seriously, that guy was being an asshole", "Way to go man! *hand up for high five*". Which is nice, I guess... but I didn't do it for the compliments or offerings of high fives.
I did it because I don't like people wasting my time and/or ruining a concert I paid good money for to see. I especially don't want someone to ruin the time of the person accompanying me. There were some other incidents earlier that prompted Heather to grab my arm, I presumed it to mean she needed help (some loser was trying to rub up on her... typical). This sort of thing shot me straight into my protective mode. In which I don't give a shit about what I'm there for; now it's all about making sure no one messes with my friend (sounds cheesy I know, but it's true... probably another post for another day).
I think that's the end of the story... if I'm missing anything, maybe Peas can fill it in.
Oh, and I took some pictures. Who knows if they came out.
Right now, I feel like:
So tonight was interesting, to say the least.
Went with Peas to see Combichrist at Das Bunker, saw them a few nights ago with her at The Wiltern. Great group.
Anyway, as to be expected (though, still not wanted) drunk people started being stupid (or maybe just stupid people being... stupid), by jumping around into people and pushing everyone in one direction. Which is all fine and dandy, until you start annoying me or the person I'm there with.
So anyway, some douche starting being an ass to the people behind us, which in turn ruins our (I guess mine specifically, not sure how Heather felt) fun. So now he's on my radar and the more the people behind us complain and all that, the more aggravated I get. So somehow he gets to the front and everyone is fine...
And then there's this asshole (to quote Penn Jillette):
There's a ruckus at the front and to the right of us and a group of people are getting pushed back to get out of this loser's way. Well after about three instances of that, the culprit stumbles into my view and begins his douchebagery in front of me. Bad idea. Without hesitation, as soon as he got close enough I grabbed for his neck to pull him around and push him toward the back of the crowd. Well, as it were, he was drunk, causing him to stumble, then turn around and try to reach for me. It was rather amusing with his: what-are-you-doing drunken look on his face. At this point I've given my camera to Heather, and have yelled at the dude "Get the FUCK outta here!" and giving a rather umpire-like hand gesture.
So he then tries to reach for me, which I easily avoid and try my luck at pushing him to the left of the crowd... his he promptly falls down.
So, now he's on the floor still with his: what-are-you-doing look upon his face. He then reaches up, expecting me to help him to his feet. Which I promptly reply with a middle-finger to his face and a helping of "FUCK YOU! Get the FUCK outta here!". After that some people helped him to his feet, which he proceeded to reach for me again; deflecting, but he was able to get a hold of my hoodie [note: don't have a hoodie on when in a physical altercation; prime choke real estate]. Now a group of people are pulling him away and I'm prying his fingers off my hoodie.
That was essentially it, now though, people began applauding me. Not clapping mind you, but simple: "You won dude", "Awesome, seriously, that guy was being an asshole", "Way to go man! *hand up for high five*". Which is nice, I guess... but I didn't do it for the compliments or offerings of high fives.
I did it because I don't like people wasting my time and/or ruining a concert I paid good money for to see. I especially don't want someone to ruin the time of the person accompanying me. There were some other incidents earlier that prompted Heather to grab my arm, I presumed it to mean she needed help (some loser was trying to rub up on her... typical). This sort of thing shot me straight into my protective mode. In which I don't give a shit about what I'm there for; now it's all about making sure no one messes with my friend (sounds cheesy I know, but it's true... probably another post for another day).
I think that's the end of the story... if I'm missing anything, maybe Peas can fill it in.
Oh, and I took some pictures. Who knows if they came out.
Right now, I feel like:
Went to the beach today! Not something I don't do... ever. That aside, I had a great time. To be specific, I went to the Corona del Mar State Beach. There were tide pools and uh... stuff... water? Not sure what else beachs are supposed to have; sand I suppose.
Here are a few shots from today:
I might go again tomorrow (later today I guess, time wise) to get some better shots of things I think I didn't capture as well.
Edit: Why the fuck aren't these images shrinking with the option to expand them? I don't want to attach them again because they're already in my attachments and I don't want dupes...
Here are a few shots from today:
I might go again tomorrow (later today I guess, time wise) to get some better shots of things I think I didn't capture as well.
Edit: Why the fuck aren't these images shrinking with the option to expand them? I don't want to attach them again because they're already in my attachments and I don't want dupes...
I feel so so stupid about that night. I don't know what the hell compelled me to do it, but I wish I hadn't.
Live and learn I suppose... I'd just like to know when ill be learning.
And today just keeps getting better and better.
Live and learn I suppose... I'd just like to know when ill be learning.
And today just keeps getting better and better.
Lets see lets see... whats new.
Started using Reason again. Sometimes I hate being capable of more than one creative outlet. I fell like the others will diminish. On the other hand, it's nice to have another way to be creative when unable to do the other thing.
Went to my first Club Suicide... pretty fun. My neck is killing me though. Thats what I get for being a dance machine [re: idiot]. Kinda empty, but maybe that is a good thing. Oh and the go-go dancers... gorgeous. Whoda thought watching someone hoola-hoop could be so...
Starting to be able to talk to my ex about personal issues. It's nice to have an older woman who'll listen to my young boy relationship issues. She usually just calls me an idiot, but that's what I like about her
And I guess I should say, lack-of relationship issues and more of, trying-to-get-one-in-the-first-place issues.
OH! The only important things are these:
Wedding photo shoot (nervous!)
KMFDM (Glasshouse)
Skinny Puppy (Glasshouse)
Saving up for a D700
Disneyworld!
All for now I guess.
Started using Reason again. Sometimes I hate being capable of more than one creative outlet. I fell like the others will diminish. On the other hand, it's nice to have another way to be creative when unable to do the other thing.
Went to my first Club Suicide... pretty fun. My neck is killing me though. Thats what I get for being a dance machine [re: idiot]. Kinda empty, but maybe that is a good thing. Oh and the go-go dancers... gorgeous. Whoda thought watching someone hoola-hoop could be so...
Starting to be able to talk to my ex about personal issues. It's nice to have an older woman who'll listen to my young boy relationship issues. She usually just calls me an idiot, but that's what I like about her
And I guess I should say, lack-of relationship issues and more of, trying-to-get-one-in-the-first-place issues.OH! The only important things are these:
Wedding photo shoot (nervous!)
KMFDM (Glasshouse)
Skinny Puppy (Glasshouse)
Saving up for a D700
Disneyworld!
All for now I guess.
Nobel Prize, please.
I figured out what makes us Human: Stuff.
Stuff, things, clutter, tchotchkes, gewgaws, knickknacks, baubles, trinkets, toys and whatever else fits in this category.
We all (hopefully) know many animals make and use tools. Many animals build houses or at the very least small shelters.
We also all know (probably more than our own lives) that all animals mate. Some have, er, strange ways of doing it (heh heh I said 'doing it'). Like Salmon for example. Or Sharks.
The one things animals don't do, is build, stuff. Sure we throw balls and boxes and other things like that in zoo exhibits for Tigers and Gorillas. But have we ever seen a Tiger turn something into a ball and bat it around? Have we ever seen a Gorilla get a branch and play sword fights? I don't think so.
So I am presenting this here to you, the first time ever, the reason we Humans are Human.
We, Humans, make: Stuff.
Thank you, and I shall be awaiting your call about my Nobel Prize soon.
In other news:
I figured out what makes us Human: Stuff.
Stuff, things, clutter, tchotchkes, gewgaws, knickknacks, baubles, trinkets, toys and whatever else fits in this category.
We all (hopefully) know many animals make and use tools. Many animals build houses or at the very least small shelters.
We also all know (probably more than our own lives) that all animals mate. Some have, er, strange ways of doing it (heh heh I said 'doing it'). Like Salmon for example. Or Sharks.
The one things animals don't do, is build, stuff. Sure we throw balls and boxes and other things like that in zoo exhibits for Tigers and Gorillas. But have we ever seen a Tiger turn something into a ball and bat it around? Have we ever seen a Gorilla get a branch and play sword fights? I don't think so.
So I am presenting this here to you, the first time ever, the reason we Humans are Human.
We, Humans, make: Stuff.
Thank you, and I shall be awaiting your call about my Nobel Prize soon.
In other news:
Ahhh... so much of the same going on. Work work work...
I've started learning more about the business aspects of photography. To me knowing the ins and outs of a business is much more daunting than knowing the ins and outs of the camera and technique.
Other than that I stepped out of my comfort zone recently by joining (and participating in!) a photo walk. Scott Kelby's World Wide Photo Walk to be exact. I had a fun time... didn't really talk to anyone though, but that's not as surprising as me doing something like this. I am entering the contest, all I really want to win is the D700! Aw man...
Still single... but I guess everyone complains about that at some point. Oh! I did almost get ran off into traffic on the freeway today. That was fun. Nothing like having a heart attack at a young age.
Anyway enough blabbing for now! I'll leave you all in suspense for next time!
I've started learning more about the business aspects of photography. To me knowing the ins and outs of a business is much more daunting than knowing the ins and outs of the camera and technique.
Other than that I stepped out of my comfort zone recently by joining (and participating in!) a photo walk. Scott Kelby's World Wide Photo Walk to be exact. I had a fun time... didn't really talk to anyone though, but that's not as surprising as me doing something like this. I am entering the contest, all I really want to win is the D700! Aw man...
Still single... but I guess everyone complains about that at some point. Oh! I did almost get ran off into traffic on the freeway today. That was fun. Nothing like having a heart attack at a young age.
Anyway enough blabbing for now! I'll leave you all in suspense for next time!
Just renewed my account!
It's so much fun being a part of the Photography group I just couldn't stay away! Oh and the girls are purdy too
I showed some new-ish photos off at work to a few people and they loved them. Made me feel really good about all this. I just wish it was a lot easier to start a business... maybe it is, but it just seems really daunting to me. I've also only been doing this for barely a year so... I've got a lot more to learn about everything before I feel I should start a business.
Anyway if you happen along my Pics section, my Flickr or the Photography group; please let me know what you think!
It's so much fun being a part of the Photography group I just couldn't stay away! Oh and the girls are purdy too
I showed some new-ish photos off at work to a few people and they loved them. Made me feel really good about all this. I just wish it was a lot easier to start a business... maybe it is, but it just seems really daunting to me. I've also only been doing this for barely a year so... I've got a lot more to learn about everything before I feel I should start a business.
Anyway if you happen along my Pics section, my Flickr or the Photography group; please let me know what you think!
MAY 2010
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MARCH 2010
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