Cunnilingus
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Cunnilingus is the lesbian version of fellatio except that, instead of sucking a man's penis, she performs hopefully-pleasurable acts upon a woman's vulva with her lips, tongue, and maybe even her teeth. OK, so it is quite different from fellatio.
Cunnilingus is not to be confused with the famous Civil War hero, Colonel Angus. Cunnilingus is also not a dinosaur, you're thinking of Cuntasaurus Rex; he's different.
Contents |
History
Cunnilingus is a mostly pointless activity, as it is a well known scientific fact that women can not orgasm. Thus it serves only to prolong the duration of intercourse and reduce the amount of time the female would otherwise spend barefoot in the kitchen. Also, by reversing the natural power-relationships between men and women that were ordained by God, cunnilingus encourages lesbianism, thus making women leave their husbands, kill their children and take up witchcraft.
Once cunnilingus has been introduced into a marriage, the only thing that can prevent destruction is a heavy hand and a .45. While pointless and stupid, it does provide a way for the illiterate to practice the art of ABC's.
Advancements in Technology
It is a well known fact that all women carry fish sandwiches in their vagoos for snax and nourishment. This accounts for a smell emanating from their squish mittens that has been likened to over 9000 Jews burning in a gas oven and being left to sit all day in the hot sun. (Note that male genitalia can also carry an odor of utmost filth when proper hygiene is disregarded.) However sometime last Thursday the men in snatch R&D decided that this need not be the case anymoar and developed a revolutionary new product that makes chowing down on gash just slightly more bearable than the idea of not sodomizing the next 8 year old boy who answers your free puppy bulletin on MySpace. Lo and behold, mighty Poontos: the fresh maker! Nevar again will whipped men and fugly dykes have to grimace in the face of the old man in the canoe! Much rejoicing was had on the part of the female community until most everyone realized that bitches are made for two things, buttsecks and pooping out babies, so they should probably just quit there jibba jabba and make me some soup.
Being truly gifted genius Poontos chief developer Fred Phelps won the Nobel Prize in physics in 2003 by making women a little less inferior. If only a little bit.
| —MONGO, admitting to his obvious furfaggotry |
Technique
Thrashing the tongue about in mimicry of the shape of letters is said to enhance the pleasure given while excavating moist female crotch caverns, although no scientific data is available to back this up.
Another good reason to become familiar with this black art is the fact that it increases your chances of getting laid at least 100 times... although since you're on the internets, your chances are already not good, and 100x zero does have an answer, unlike dividing by Zero. Some theories state that the majority of fine literature was actually put into rough drafts while in the passionate throes of spit shining the bearded clam, i.e. Shakespeare, Nietzsche, J.D. Salinger, Emily Dickinson and the Bible.
Gallery
 An Octopus blows ducks one last time before they both die of radiation sickness. |
 Cunnilingus as drawn by a two year old. |
 An experienced alien shows us how to properly perform cunnilingus. |
 Ancient Romans from Pompeii invented carpet cleaning. |
 Ye Oldé Cunnus. |
 Mmmm...bacon. |
 Cunnus licking apparatus (US patent), Made in Americunt. |
 Nice lip action |
See Also
External Links
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