Imagine a day on which all members of Congress had their BlackBerries simultaneously switched off — and then had to go without lunch. Change we can believe in! Well, that’s idea behind “EMP Recognition Day,” an idea being cooked up by our friends at the Heritage Foundation.
That’s right, Heritage is proposing a special day to raise awareness about the threat from electromagnetic pulse attack. Electromagnetic pulse weapons — what our own Sharon Weinberger dubbed “the boogeyman bomb” — are the favorite doomsday scenario for national-security scaremongers. In theory, an EMP attack — triggered by the high-altitude detonation of a nuclear device — would short circuit electronics, resulting in a devastating electronic first strike. (During the Starfish Prime test in 1962, pictured here, the resulting electromagnetic pulse shorted out streetlights, set off burglar alarms and fried a telephone company’s microwave link.)
“If, just for one day, Congress simulated even a fraction of the impact such an attack would have, the scope of the danger would be clear,” argue Jena McNeill and James Carafano. “To do so, Congress should establish an EMP Recognition Day.” On EMP Recognition Day, they propose, Congress should:
- Close all cafeterias. Because, after the big EMP strike, Domino’s won’t deliver (um, unless it’s by bike, but whatever).
- Walk to work. “Traffic lights would no longer function, so all roads would be gridlocked,” they write. Gridlock? In D.C.? unheard of …
- Turn off Members’ Blackberries. Now this is an idea I can really endorse: McNeill and Carafano may be trying to point out that communications networks would be interrupted, but I can only imagine that this move would yield greater benefits to the nation.
- Shut off the lights. Hey, no groping the Congressional aides!
In seriousness, I think Congress do it. And then we can look at funding some real solutions: Create a contingency fund to revive the Pony Express (I’m sure there’s a contractor that would be willing to do this on a cost-plus basis). Cancel lunch for members of Congress (they are going to need to be svelte if we are going to get through this EMP attack). And start building EMP-hardened bunkers for the top members of the executive branch (oh wait, we already have that).
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