It has recently reached my ears that there is a controversy over St. Patrick's Day. That certain people (coughSpencercough) don't approve of the U.S. co-opting other country's holidays. That they don't like fun. Or Guinness.

And while I believe controversy is essential to a democratic society, I also believe these people are un-American, and, frankly, dangerous.

He goes too far , you think. It's just an excuse to get all boozed up and yell "Irish I were drunk! when in fact you already are." And you would be right. But that's America, folks. First you lose the excuse to booze, next it's our civil rights. I understand the worry over co-option and corruption of a great Irish holiday, but I also think that worry is unfounded. They call this place a melting pot, but that's not quite right. I've even heard it called a mixed salad — a bunch of different vegetables, mixed up, but still retaining their individual identities — but that's not quite right, either. I'd like to put forward a new model: the St.-Paddy's-Day-Is-Great model.

Let me explain. This is a system in which men and woman are not vegetables, and are certainly not soup. By this model, each culture — every man, woman, or child, who comes to America — brings his own traditions, his own customs, and especially his own holidays, and everyone else not only respects but enjoys those traditions / customs / holidays. Thus, as a Jew, I can have a great Christmas and as a Hungarian / German / Russian, I can throw down obscene amounts of Indian food during Diwali.

And especially, beyond all else, I can enjoy my St. Paddy's Day.

Let's think about this from a reasonable perspective. Sure, America is infamous for cultural imperialism. It's a well-acknowledged fact that the United States co-opts other cultures, and even sometimes perverts them. But I think it's worth getting beyond the cultural exclusivity inherent in such arguments. St. Patrick's Day is not so much about a certain tradition or even the man himself — though I respect him for getting rid of Ireland's snakes, because they scare the bejesus out of me — as it is a celebration of Irish culture. You may argue that celebrating Irish culture isn't fair, because other cultures should get to have parties, too, and there I would agree with you. But that's not a good enough reason to nix the day when Guinness flows like water, and water flows like…algae. (In Chicago, anyways.)

If you're still not convinced, here's a top-ten list to win you over.



Top Ten Reason To Keep St. Patrick's Day:



10. Because green is a nice color. It brings out your eyes, sweetheart.

9. Guinness is delicious.

8. Cultural awareness. There are a lot of Irish people in Boston; get to know them.

7. Ridiculous, vaguely offensive tee shirts. How many times per year will your girlfriend let you wear them?

6. Parades are fun. And it's not like the Sox win every year.

5. Cultural awareness, part two. Why shouldn't we share a holiday that's fun, even if it originated in Ireland?

4. Guinness is delicious.

3. Snakes are scary. Yay St. Patrick!

2. Come on; why wouldn't you want an excuse to party?

1. The St.-Patrick's-Day-Is-Great model. It's a brilliant plan, with an inspiringly simple name.



You don't have to be Irish to enjoy an Irish holiday. We're creating a new culture here, where everyone keeps his identity, sans melting pot — and no one has to avoid the slimy tomatoes. Goodbye, salad metaphor. So let's share a cultural moment. Put on your shamrock hat, cook up some cabbage and potatoes, and let's enjoy a country that can celebrate a man they know next to nothing about. Here's to you, Mr. Saint Patrick.

And here's to you, Mr. Jake Segal '09 (jsegal@fas).





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