|
Witchcraft Is My Home
by Cairril Adaire, Founder, Pagan Educational Network, Inc.
This
article describes Cairril Adaire's personal journey to Paganism. Her
story and her beliefs are not necessarily representative of all Pagans.
It is included here merely to relate how one woman came to her
spiritual home.
I have always taken my spirituality
seriously. Born into a Catholic family, I studied the New Testament for
guidance in understanding life. After a young cousin died when I was
fourteen, I developed a devotion to the Virgin Mary while working
through my grief.
As I grew older I found myself struggling to fit the mold the Church
offered. As an intelligent, passionate, belligerent young woman, I
found myself pressured to be meek, passive, and suffering -- none of
which fit my personality. I studied Marian literature to learn what it
meant to be a good woman in the Church. One pamphlet said Mary had
appeared in a vision to children and told them that women should not
wear short sleeves. Rather than feeling angry or skeptical, I
despaired. I knew I could not fit into this mold.
When I was eighteen I spiraled into a serious depression,
frequently contemplating suicide. One night I went outside, turned to
God in utter despair and pleaded with him to help. "I will never need
you more than I need you now," I cried. I wanted a sign, some inner
sense that I was not alone. But as I looked up at the starry sky I saw
only empty space. My despair turned to iron-cold numbness. I resigned
myself to waiting for the madness to go away on its own.
This event was the most obvious step in a process away from
theism and organized religion. It was now possible to question my
faith. As I embarked on my college career I met people of all religions
-- and no religion at all. I continued to question my beliefs,
eventually settling on atheism. People's belief in a Supreme Being
seemed based on their desire for justice and meaning rather than any
sort of evidence. That is the essence of faith, my father had told me
long before. But I didn't want to wait until I was dead for justice. I
wanted justice now. I was no longer interested in forcing myself into
someone else's mold of what a good person was. I had my own beliefs, my
own values, and my own politics. I wanted to be a kingdom unto myself.
As I matured, my angry, self-righteous atheism mellowed into
merely an empty atheism. I had always been a spiritual person. But I
knew of no faith which would allow me to retain my autonomy while
offering a framework for spiritual development. One night I went to
talk with an acquaintance about my dilemma. Jim was brilliant,
well-read, and open to spirituality in all its forms. When I
self-consciously described my situation, he recommended reading
"Drawing Down the Moon" by Margot Adler. This book was a study of
neo-Paganism in the United States. Written by a reporter and
intellectual, he suggested it would appeal to my rational side while
describing independent, ecstatic spirituality.
I was immediately fascinated by the book. Neo-Paganism (usually called
"Paganism" by practitioners) is a collection of diverse religions which
are nature-centered and rooted in personal experience. While some Pagan
religions provide training structures, the movement as a whole has no
hierarchy, no holy book, no one, right, true authority. Pagan religions
encourage the individual to develop her own relationship with Divinity,
however she views it. And, most intriguing to me, you could be an
atheist Pagan!
While several of the faiths were appealing, I was clearly
drawn to Witchcraft. Witchcraft (also known as Wicca) is a
federally-recognized religion distinguished from other Pagan faiths by
its heavy use of ritual, its emphasis on magic and healing, and its
particular worship of the Gods. Its central tenet is "If it harm none,
do what you will." Like most other Americans, I had grown up believing
Witches were evil. But I learned that Witchcraft is a peaceful,
life-affirming faith which emphasizes personal responsibility and
service to the community. Witches practice magic to heal the self, the
community, and the Earth. We celebrate all aspects of human experience,
whether spiritual, intellectual, emotional, psychological, or sexual.
Rather than viewing life as something to transcend, Witches relish
being alive and draw strength from the everyday blessings we
experience: braiding our daughter's hair, baking bread, or sharing a
hug with someone we love.
Theo/alogy is left to the individual. In my case, I found
Divinity in Nature and the life force itself. I had always been
fascinated by physics. Now my intellectual awe of the universe was
augmented by a spiritual understanding. My Divinity is not an eternal,
transcendent entity, only a holistic process of ebb and flow. I call
this life force "the Goddess," as do many of my fellow and sister
Pagans. Some Pagans work only with her, often under the name Diana or
Astarte. Other Pagans, particularly Witches, honor a divine pair such
as Isis and Osiris. Others work with a whole pantheon of gods, such as
the Norse pantheon. And still others call on gods and goddesses from
many cultures in addition to tree spirits, elves, and fairies. Mystical
experiences from all over the world are honored within Paganism. We
draw on the faith of our ancestors and the beliefs and practices of
surviving indigenous peoples, but update them for our use today.
My understanding of divinity opened doors to a rich, exciting
world which challenges me intellectually and spiritually. It does not
demand I believe a certain creed or force me into a role I don't desire
or fit. As a Pagan -- as a Witch -- I can be powerful, passionate,
intelligent, fun-loving, compassionate, loving, and dynamic. My
spirituality supports my personality, values, and politics. It
challenges me to develop continually into a more whole, healthy human
being. It offers a community of like-minded individuals. It answers my
questions about the meaning of existence, the importance of justice,
and the value of change. I have no regrets about leaving my given faith
behind. In Pagan Witchcraft, I have found my home.
|
