Baby
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
![How to pwn Columbine style [1], using babies.](/web/20071221221002/http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Image:Statueguy.jpg)
Babies are noobs at life. Found attractive by pedophiles and sub-saharan Africans and women. Babies are completely dependent on their guardians until they are old enough to learn how to cook ramen noodles and/or frozen pizza. The defining characteristic of a baby is the tendency to exaggerate its problems. The primary goal of all babies is to kill their parents. It is part of evolutionary biology for the new and improved generation to replace the weary old and boring one. It has been this way for since the beginning of time. In return, most parents try to find subtle ways to kill their babies. In India, the usual means is to take the fussing baby for a motorcycle ride through the teeming city streets. Babies are fucking stupid, and are so retarded that they will put anything in their mouths that you put near them. This includes boobs, cocks, shit, guns, drugs, and much moar. Babies are so retarded that the only thing more retarded is a baby retard.
Babies are the primitive degenerate form of humans. They come from vaginas and are generally considered useless to society while alive, but dead babies show significant promise to developing countries as a source of food and lulz.
The United States has been slow to catch on to the potential of dead babies to its economy. Signs of progress are in the wind; in 2003 Planned Parenthood opened its first Bar + Grill.
Babies are formed from mainly selfish bitches who want to trap a man for good, but sometimes it is pure accident on the part of both. Most of them look exactly alike, except for the extremely ugly ones that look like jack-o-lanterns. However, estrogen and Babies-r-Us have conspired to fill women's heads with thoughts of maternity, and their boobs with sexy-killing milk.
In order to get their baby to stop whining and complaining, many parents find placing an infant in front of the television will:
- Make it stop crying
- Make it look better
- Get the noisy fucker out of their hair (child protective services)
Babies are well known for sitting around and doing nothing except pooping and expecting you to fix it. They are the ultimate example of sloth. Babies can't eat by themselves because they have really short arms, and when they do eat it's processed food that stinks. They like to wave their arms around and try to look cute, but don't let that fool you, these babies are vicious critters who will cry for no reason so you can pick them up and they can throw up on your shirt.
The Church of Euthanasia opposes babies on ideological grounds. Response from babies is not expected to be forthcoming, because babies are useless bags of shit.
Pwning a Jew baby gives a 1d20 to immortality throw with a -5 to save. Pwning a black baby gives an automatic +5 to crime prevention.
Contents |
[edit] Naming Babies
Excerpt from Go Buy a Baby Name Book
- "..."Bhushan" means ornament! That's an actually name! What if the family was celebrating Christmas and they were decorating a tree. When the mom says, "Get Bhushan," does that mean get ornaments or that loser emo kid cutting himself in the corner!??!" -- Coloring with Nelson
Teenage mothers tend to name their children pretentious or just plain gay names such as Destiny or The Stillness In The Water Of Contempt Knocks At Your Door As You Walk Down The Winding Hallway Of Life. These kids tend to, rightfully, kill their parents when they are older.
If your surname is Johnson, you have a keen sense of humour and you have a boy, by all means call him Robert. Other suggestions for lulz names can be found here: [2]
[edit] People who hate babies
[edit] People who love babies
[edit] Babies on Livejournal
[edit] Fun things to mix with babies
- Fire
- Gasoline and oily rags
- Cats
- Staple Guns
- Ur Mom
- Niggas
- Coat hangers
- Plastic Bags
- Pillows
- Depleted Uranium Buttplugs
[edit] See Also
Categories: People | Sex | Epithets
