Almost raped

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Lifetime: Television for the almost raped.

Rap star Tori Amos: patron saint of the almost raped, sure can bust a rhyme.

For the conversations when simply being not raped isn't good enough, there is "almost raped."

See any feminist- or lesbian-oriented community:

"I was almost raped during my freshman year of college!"

"A friend of mine was almost raped so I know what you're going through, moon-sister."

The phenomenon of being "almost raped" is one of the countless by-products of the young, bored, collegiate version of liberal guilt, which has also given us e-Psychiatrists, the distressingly long-lived bi-curious trend, and, of course, Daddy's Money Lesbians.

The following is a typical example of a woman's courageous "almost raped" story:

I was almost raped in a bar last year. I had a couple drinks, then a guy came up to me and we started talking. Later, he asked "Do you want to have sex?" and I said "yes". We went back to his place, got naked, I sucked him off, and just as he was about to place his penis in my vagina, I screamed "OMIGOD YOU SICK FUCK!" and called the cops. He's currently serving a 10 year prison sentence.

Not to be confused with "almost rapped."

If you are almost raped, you can go post in Don't Date Him, Girl like all the other women who regret going on a date with some jackass.

It's not ræp if it's teh lulz. Example: Dissected-chan

1 What Counts as Almost Raped
2 People who have been Almost Raped
3 Listening to a Story of Almost Raped: How to Tell
4 Consequences of Being Almost Raped
5 Consequences for the Almost Rapist
6 Agreeing to being raped
7 External Links
8 See Also

[edit] What Counts as Almost Raped

Surveillance footage of an almost raped victim wearing the key evidence shortly before being plugged up like a bowling ball

Nonconsensual sex with a corpse.
A man accidentally bumping into you.
A man asking you for your phone number.
A man asking for the time.
You dislike someone you dated for a period of time.
Being looked at in a lascivious manner.
Nearly being looked at in a lascivious manner.
The presence of a male human which makes you uncomfortable.
A male within 50 feet of you.
Donkey punch
If the raper doesn't call "Surprise!"
Everything on this list
Quietly sitting in a corner by yourself
Goatse

[edit] People who have been Almost Raped

Biting Beaver

by: Every man in existence

[Brian Blair]

by: The Professional Wrassler known as the Iron Shiek

[edit] Listening to a Story of Almost Raped: How to Tell

A victim of almost rape will tell a story, usually involving alcohol, of a date in which the man gets somewhat frisky, leading to a bedroom encounter in which the victim undresses, and suddenly becomes rather terrified of the erect penis inside or outside of the attacker's pants.

One thing leads to another, and she says no, sometimes repeatedly, and the attacker listens to her and gives up. The victim, in telling the story, will frequently break down and cry at this point, or act out some other form of attention whoring.

OMG TRIGGERS

The victim of almost rape will frequently discuss how "traumatic" the experience was, and may develop triggers, which will cause the listeners to roll their eyes and lol. Additionally, the victim of almost rape almost invariably leaves on anonymous comments on his or her blog, enabling further attention from strangers.

[edit] Consequences of Being Almost Raped

Unwarranted self-importance

[edit] Consequences for the Almost Rapist

A skyrocket in Man points!!!

[edit] Agreeing to being raped

Phone 4 Sex plz

A new case in the UK (As seen to the right) has shown that it is now possible to be raped with consent, so now people who were almost raped can be the filthy whores they really want to be and still get to act butthurt and cry about their experience on Don't Date Him, Girl.

Unfortunately for Nice guys everywhere, the only time that this is applicable is when you use a bargaining chip to get her to spread her legs, for instance:

Taking her out for dinner
Buying her roses
Writing poetry
Offering her back the phone you just stole off of her
???????
PROFIT!

If you haven't offered her any of the above or similar, then she has to stop you short of plowing into her axe wound. Just to make sure that you haven't offered her any sort of incentive to partake in intercourse with you, you might want to do it without her permission.