Lincoln Continental
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Lincoln Continental was the President of the USA at least 100 years ago. Best known for getting shot in the head while at the theater, a dream situation for most heterosexuals. See the video for the truth (zomg) Lincoln Continental has been known to accompany a sunroof Cadillac.
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[edit] Early Life
- Lincoln was born in a cabin made entirely of Lincoln Logs. Given that your average Lincoln Log is about two inches long (see: synthetikmisery's penis), that's a lot of Lincoln Logs!
- When he was 10, he cut down a cherry tree. When confronted about it, he blamed the dinosaurs. Since his mother didn't read the Bible, she thought Abe was telling the truth, and Lincoln forever became Honest Abe.
- When he turned 13, he joined LJ and would post in debate. His posts were mostly fiction, and after a series of famous debates with a guy named Douglas, he was banned.
[edit] The Lincoln Presidency
- Lincoln was elected President, and immediately watched South Carolina leave the United States.
- Lincoln was black, which pissed off the rest of the South, who also left the Union.
- Lincoln was an hero of the Civil War. Or an villain of the War of Northern Aggression, if you like.
- Lincoln then required invite codes to be let back in the Union and freed the slaves, ushering in the modern welfare state.
- Lincoln was finally shot in the head and killed. As he was a zombie at the time, this was the only way to destroy him.
[edit] Sex
- An Abe Lincoln is when having sex with a woman or 16 year old girl you punch her in the face, knocking her out. Then you release your semen on her chin, and shave your pubes. Next, you align your pubes so that it looks like she has a beard like Lincoln. You then shoot her in the head. Try it sometime to pwn your girlfriend. It has been said Michael Jackson used a similar technique.
(from List of Sex Moves)
[edit] Nigger Loving
- Lincoln Was a Nigger Lover
- He freed all of the Slaves, even though they were making tons of moneys.
- He likes collard Greens and other assorted "Nigra foods"
- He was unemployed before he became president.
- He was quoted as saying, "Niggers? They're ok, lulz."
- Before he was shot he could fit a Turkey up his ass.
- Unknown to many, Lincoln Cheated on his wife with a nigger named Lakita, unknown to Lincoln, Lakita was a man.
- And finally, he was shot. Being Shot is the most clear sign of being a Nigger/Nigger Lover. This is actually why Cheney shot his hunting buddy in the face.
[edit] Nigger Hating
Lincoln Continental has come under scrutiny recently for certain racist remarks, which may reflect a personally prejudiced worldview. One commonly cited example comes from the Fourth Lincoln-Douglas debate, concerning equality between the races.
I will say then that I am not, nor ever have been in favor of bringing about in anyway the social and political equality of the white and black races - that I am not nor ever have been in favor of making voters or jurors of negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people; and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the white and black races which I believe will forever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. Unless the blacks decide to one up the Mexicans and steal jobs. But I don't think that would work, because then we'd have all these inbred rednecks wanting to build a fence to keep the blacks out. We'd only need to make the fence 5 feet tall, because we all know niggers would be too lazy to climb over it. Soon enough they'd all be loitering out in front of the fence and setting up liquor stores and selling drugs and hookers. We could tax it and call it Fencesterdam. I could then take the tax money and start up my own adult film studio, Presidential Porno, starring me and my Lincoln Log. A big man with a big log has some big needs, and a woman's touch can't tend them all... if you know what I mean. But with all that money I'd have to be careful who my accountant is, because if their last name is Cohen, Spiegel or Stein I'd probably get jewed. Which would be appropriate, seeing as how they would, in fact, be Jews.
Jews.
Jeeeeews.
Jeeeeeeeeews.
Unfortunately, said debate took place in inner city Detroit. After finishing his lengthy response, there was a long moment of stunned silence, shortly before nearby African-American youths began to deride Lincoln as a "racist cracker" and then proceeded to kick his tall ass.
