Fat
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| FAT ALERT: CAUTION: FATASS AHEAD |
| Did you know that... Fatties have ruined Disneyland for the rest of us? |
A word that describes about 95% of all LJ; one who cannot fit into MRIs.
"Fucking fat fatty fuck" isn't tautological in a flame war.
[edit] Fat Characteristics
A fat or fatty is usually angry, bitter, sarcastic, cynical and oftentimes not funny at all. They like to eat, talk shit about people online and are incredibly small-minded, petty individuals. They can be referred to as whales, hippos or cows. Also some fat people are so flabby that they cannot wash the stinking sweat and grime from under these flabby prisons, and sooner or later they will start to rot away...after they eatten food that should have gone to a third world fail, like africa or india. Sometimes they find said food hidden under their fat folds after several days. This is considered a treat of extra food.
Anyone who has gone through puberty, or who has any kind of shape at all (from curvy to eggplant), is fat. This can lead to a great deal of confusion, especially since many true fatties also suffer from internet disease. There is only one known cure: Breatharianism.
According to the show Crossballs, "fat people fart more often and it smells worse."
[edit] Fat Writing
While reading the good_sex, one could stumble upon an entry such as this one (see talk page for Cuntpaste job of the friends only entry). While the other does not wish to imply it, the reader can infer that the author is a serious fatty.
[edit] Fat Mentality
Fat people possess fat mentality, which subscribes to the following assumptions:
- I am not fat, I am BBW (see "Euphemisms").
- It is not my fault I am fat.
- Because I am fat, I can be a bitch.
- If I'm a bitch and people don't like me, it's because I am fat, and they are racists.
- Real women have curves.
- You must change the airplane seats to fit my enourmous fat ass
Some say that the fat mentality is the main reason fat people are unattractive. This is a lie. Fat people are unattractive because they are a bloated mockery of the human form.
[edit] Obesity and Oral Sex
It should be noted that fat chicks give great head. This is because they are accustomed to putting large amounts of food in their mouths at all times. Also, due to Natural Selection, Fat chicks lack a gag reflex, because they need that extra space for all of the food. Additionally, it should be obvious that any fat chick with a working gag reflex has a built-in solution to her problem of being fat! Fat chicks who do not give great head are probably fat dykes. Research is inconclusive regarding fat men and cunnilingus. For information on fat men and fellatio, please see gay.
Fat girls give the best head because they're always hungry!
[edit] Fat Insults
Some of my favourite insults for fat people, don't worry if you are not to familiar with them you should use them as often as possible. Fat shits, People who are not skinny and probably should not model at anytime Fat fucks, Trashcan, Globesity (when a person is so fat that they have their own gravitational pull, much like a planet), beached whale, bingo wings, turkey neck, triple chin, back tits (because fat people have tits on their chest and back), cankles (when someone is so fat that you can no longer see their ankle bones, their calf and ankle are one hence cankle), alterd beast, grotesque creature, warms ( same as cankles but relating to their wrists and forearms), and many many more!! Now that you know how to insult a fat bastard let me enlighten you as to what they are and the ever growing problem of globesity!
[edit] What are Fat people and the dangers surrounding them?
Fat people will always be around, as well as round!! Fat people are not normal people with an eating disorder, as they would have us believe. They are simply just very greedy and very lazy people! They eat far too much junk food and never exercise. In fact, when a fat person reaches a certain level of obesity, they become allergic to healthy food, which they use as an excuse for not being able to lose weight. They know they could still exercise and that they shouldn't have let themselves get that fat, but then the whole "laziness factor" comes into play. Being fat, overweight, or obese is NOT a medically-diagnosed illness (Fuck what doctors say. Ph.Ds aren't real doctors anyway,) so that excuse really holds no ground. Fat people have an average life expectancy of around 10 years. The average cost of feeding a fat person is £2000 per week. When a fat person is on a fat island, it costs the taxpayers £500,000 per fat person a year to look after them. This means that if they live the full 10 years, it will have cost us a total of £5 million to look after them. That's even more than refugees cost us!
Never eat with a fat person, as it can be very dangerous. The reason being for that, is that when a fat person eats, their brain releases chemicals similar to that of a normal person when they are engaged in sexual activity. As they eat more, they begin to reach a foodgasm. Once a fat person has mastered this art, they can go onto what is known as the fat person's "special move", the feeding frenzy. When they are in this state, they have no real control of themselves and the fat takes over. They can eat up to 10 times their normal capacity in this state as their second and third gullets open up to allow them to digest food faster. It has been known for a fat person in a fat feeding frenzy to the eat the arm of the person nearest to them, mistaking it for a chicken wing! There has even been reported cases of fat people getting so excited over Christmas dinner that they have eaten their whole family, only to awake oblivious to what they have done!
When a fat person enters the feeding frenzy state, they are in a trance-like state (Never try to disturb a fat person in this state as you risk being eaten alive,). After they have finished eating, they go into a comatose state and can sleep for days at a time, and upon waking they remember nothing. This is scientific fact which makes it impossible for them to be prosecuted for murder or manslaughter, as they were unaware of what was happening and recall nothing. This can be as traumatic for the fat person as it is for their relatives, so it is always best to say that their family died in a car crash and hold a funeral for them. (Or, if you're a real asshole, just tell the fat person what happened, just for the lulz. If you're lucky, the fat person will become an hero, but good luck with a bullet penetrating that much fat.)
If a fat person in your household enters this comatose state, you must make sure that you take them out into the woods on a flat bed truck (They obviously won't fit inside the truck,) and leave them there until they wake. When they are in this state, they release enormous amounts of methane from their backsides, and in an enclosed area such as a house the levels of methane released have been proven to be deadly. After they wake, they will also wish to excrete almost immediately. this may sound all well and good but fat people have been know to have bowel movements that weigh in excess of over 9000. This amount of crap will block your whole neighborhood's drains, stink the place out, and get you arrested because your neighbors can't take a shit. Due to the large amount of recent cases of drain blocking from fatscrement (Scientific term for a fat person's shit), a new law was passed holding the guardian of a fat person liable to the charges incurred whilst clearing up the mess.
Fat people, by law, have to have a guardian that looks after them at all times. If they do not have said guardian, they must live on fat islands, which are specially designed islands purely for fat people. There is a shortage of fat guardians due to recent eatings of them being published by the press. If you wish to help a fat person, please call 1-800-LOL-ATED. But remember, a fat person is for life, not just for Christmas!!
All is not lost when it comes to a fat person. They can be looked after in a safe manner and be very rewarding at the same time (Fat guardians are very well-paid due to the very dangerous nature of the job), but you must be properly trained and know how to handle one. For example, you can stop a fat person from entering a feeding frenzied state by knowing what to look for. When a fat person is eating, you must keep a close watch on them. For example, if their eyes begin to glaze over and they start drooling or snarling, they are starting to enter an aroused state. This is very similar to the sexually aroused state that your mom and I had last night during foreplay. In a way, eating is a fat person's "foreplay", if you will. If you see this, you must immediately remove any food from them and any in the immediate vicinityand definitely and stay well clear. When a fat person has their food taken away, they can be much like a baby and throw a tantrum; the obvious danger is being hit by an arm that weighs several hundred pounds. Many guardians have lost teeth, or had broken noses from this. The tantrums usually do not last longer than a few minutes, and after this the fat person will be back to normal and calm. Do not, however, resume the feeding process for a few hours, in order to let the chemicals that the body released clear up. Otherwise, you risk triggering the frenzied state off again!
[edit] What To Do If You Notice You're a Fatass
- Stop eating.
- Throw up.
- Stop eating.
- Quit IRL.
- Stop eating.
- Do a fucking pushup.
- Stop eating.
- Post noodz on BBWChan.
- Stop eating.
- Go on Dr. Phil.
- Stop eating.
- Throw away all your clothes, and buy clothes in your ideal size. Go naked until the shame gives you an eating disorder and you finally drop 200 kilos.
- Stop eating.
- Join nonuglyfats, rejectedchubbys, or
- Protip: You do not have to be nonugly to be accepted by Nonuglyfats.
- Stop eating.
- Get rejected by pro-ana/pro-mia Livejournal groups.
- Stop eating.
- Sue McDonald's.
- Stop eating.
- Take a lot of diet pills.
- Stop eating.
- Get liposuction.
- Stop eating.
[edit] Epithets
[edit] Fatty
Calling anyone a fatty is a great way to troll them on instant messengers that allow you to send voice clips. The process is done by screaming the words "FATTY" over your microphone very loudly. If fat people aren't around, this can be done to anyone, therefore increasing the confusion and no doubt IRL Banhammering of themselves due to their levels of self esteem being drastically low.
Recorded Voice Clips
[edit] Whale
A Whale is a derogatory term for a fat girl or woman. See also Fat whore. Whales are generally considered good at giving blowjobs. They have to, or else they would never get any cock. They also swallow since they are always hungry. Sex with whales is usually known as whale hunting. A common sub-variety of whale is the Welfare whale.
[edit] Fat Love
Fat people are incapable of loving other human beings, seeing as their hearts are so clogged with cholesterol that they have been rendered useless. This, however, won't stop a fattie from thinking they are in love with a skinny, but will eventually eat them. Most fat girls will eat over 9000 skinny men in their lifetime. Occasionally fatties will encounter someone they are unable to eat, because they are of equal weight. They will eventually marry this other lard ass and put most restaurants in the vicintiy of their household right out of business.
[edit] Euphemisms
Fat women will never refer to themselves as "fat". They will use other, gentler words to describe their disgusting obesity. If you see a fatty use any of the following words to describe his or herself, please correct them:
[edit] Heavy
Fat girls will often describe other fat girls as heavy (or heavyset). Example:
- Normal person: "Hey, I'm looking for this stupid fat bitch, was she here?"
- Fatty: "Excuse me, but did you see a heavy woman here?"
Note: Do not confuse with "top heavy", which means huge boobs (see Scarlet)
[edit] Chubby
A chubby girl is a fat girl who thinks she is proportionate. In reality, a chubby girl is not proportionate.
The problem with the adjective "chubby" that sets it apart from the other euphemisms is that fat girls who describe themselves as "chubby" are in total denial of their fatness. The following exchange is not uncommon with a fat girl:
- Normal person: "Wow, you're fat."
- Fatty: "No I'm not, I'm chubby."
Note: Truly proportionate girls are top heavy (see above) and callipygous.
[edit] BBW
BBW stands for "big beautiful woman", but really it just means "fat", or "Big Beastly Woman". Fat women think they can get away with calling themselves "beautiful" if they qualify it with "big". This is not true. It can also mean "Big Black Woman/Whale/Whore".
BBWs are also eatbeasts, who happen to have sevem chins coated in pickle juice.
This is also the term preferred by so-called FAs, or fat admirers.
[edit] SSBBW
"Super Sized Big Beautiful Women". What extremely fat women call themselves. Like "Stuck-in-the-bathtub" fat.
[edit] Rubenesque
Often found in personal ads or used by fatties attempting to "take pride" in their fatness. Paul Reubens was a 16/17th century painter. Many of his paintings show women with fat rolls, exaggerated ass cleavage and cellulite scars.
[edit] Bear
This is what fat hairy men like to be called, if they are fags. The whole Bear scene, like most things gay, reeks of fail. Whilst at one point hailed as an alternative to gay body facism, it's now just another money making label for homos. Being fat doesn't mean immunity to AIDS.
[edit] Other
- Curvy
- Eggplant-shaped
- Big-boned
- Full-figured
- Thick
[edit] Chubby Chaser
A chubby chaser is someone who loves "chubby" girls only. This can be for one of three reasons:
- He is fat himself.
- He is ugly.
- He needs a woman who cannot run fast enough.
Many Chubby Chasers choose to live in blissful denial that there is anything '"perverse" or indeed "unnatural" about the desire to copulate with giant wobbling grease-coated fatsacks. In fact, some have even been known to be seen in public with their hyperfleshed darlings. However in 2004 sexpert Yosuf Sindinchilchrun of the University of Newcastle UK carried out extensive studies and identified Chubby Chasing as "worse than being ghey, since even gheys don't feel the need to bring fat people home to meet their suicidally ashamed parents."
Or, he just generally prefers bigger chicks, and has balls of steel.
See also FA
[edit] Fat Men and Euphemisms
It is interesting to note that while women will often look for euphemisms to describe their fatness, men are usually much more in touch with reality, and will refer to themselves as "fat" or as "lardasses". This is partially due to the fact that women are fucktards.
[edit] Health Problems Associated with Obesity
Obesity is a huge health hazard. Out of all the obesity-related diseases, the top one is Eyeburn, which comes from looking at fat people naked. Since people can't control their weight (thanks to jobs that make them sit down all day), obese people must shut their eyes real tight when they are naked near a mirror or they will go blind as well. Unlike goatse that only causes temporary blindness, a person who sees someone who is fugly enough will go blind permanently.
This can also generate lulz, like this one.
Occasionally, being fat can cause mental health problems, such as insanity. This is the only possible explanation for why this video even exists. It can also present other brain-related problems, such as loss of coordination, as in the tragic case of the Grape Lady. Fat men such as Alistair Treliving prove the theory that being fat can make you an asshole.
Fatness is a proven cause of erectile dysfunction in normal males. In a double blind test conducted by a neutral third party, nine out of ten (9/10) males who viewed this page were found to be unable to become erect in the penis for a week and unable to shoot their load for as long as a month afterwards as their minds were flooded by images of boner-smashing fat women shoving Big Macs into their monstrous, festering coochies obliterated any images of healthy azn women gently fingering themselves much in the same way memories of IED's vaporizing friends makes it impossible for veterans to reintigrate into society. The other 1/10 were Chubby Chasers who were ravaged by priapisms, or everlasting boners, for which the only cure is a penectomy.
The final disease suffered by fatties is the dreaded Diabeetus, which prevents them from eating the sugary junkfood they live for.
[edit] Secret Fatty
Sometimes abbreviated as "SIF" for "Secret Internet Fatty." A secret fatty is a person who takes photos with the camera angled from above to hide their girth from the camera. Secret fatties are heavily afflicted by the internet disease. For more information on techniques used by secret fatties, see article on fat girl angle shot.
[edit] YouTube Fatass
[edit] Dancing Belly
When a fat chick seeking the fat girl pride by bellydancing dwarfs even the other belly dancers, the "Dancing Belly" becomes a mockery of itself and its owner. The funniest part of this video is probably in the beginning where they do a dance that can only possibly be interpreted as the gathering of the munchies.
This type of bellydancing was created by terrorists as a variant of real bellydancing in order to encourage American women to become or remain massively obese.
[edit] Fatkid + Getting Shot = Lulz
[edit] Fat guy thinks his dancing is sexy...
[edit] Fat Sports
There have been many fat sports but only a few of them are amusing.
1. EATING YOUR MOM (because it looks is HUNGER.)
2. EATING MOAR babies.
3. EATING Dissected-chan
4. MOAR DOUBLE-CHIN CONTEST: for the benefit of Chin-chan
5. FUGLIEST FAT-ANGLE SHOT COMPETITION
6. DEEPEST FAT VAGOO CONTEST
7. LONGEST STRETCH MARKS LEAGUE
All fat sports require a little amount of exercise and a lot of humilation. See how kind we are? You ungreatful shit.
[edit] Palace of Wonders
 Myspace whale eating metal. |
 You know you like it. |
 A common whale. Notice the glazed look in her eye of a whale looking for some meat in her mouth. |
 Because fatties cannot reach their private areas, they must resort to alternative methods of masturbation. |
 The beard isn't fooling anyone. See also: neckbeard. |
 Go ahead, she's waiting... |
 BBW: only one of the adjectives fits. |
 Not a goddess, quite the fatty. |
 More to love, more to hate - an example of blindness-inducing image, featuring areems. |
 Actual quote from the livejournal of AlanaJonze: "flu + bleeding + chemo = unhappy pirate syndrome for which i am the postergirl." |
 When their gravitational pull attracts them, it's impossible to get them apart. |
 Being obese has its advantages. |
 Fatties often mistake sex for food. |
 Or try to mix sex and food. |
 Fat blocks sex gland receptors. |
 Boy? Girl? Doesn't matter, they're ordering fries with that. |
 The only type of person fat people seem to hook up with. |
 Fatty with camel toe. |
 "I'm melllttiiiing... I'm meeelllttiiiing..." |
 Luke Skywalker's mother? |
 Sexy time for the "big-boned." |
 If you're quiet, you can hear it singing. |
 Letting it all hang out. |
 Fat in all the right places. |
 This zombie is fat. |
 Fat people plz step away from the camera. |
 No picz plz, gtfo. |
|
 Typical Asian paretning. |
 Another Myspace fattie. |
 John Travolta is also fat. |
 Yet another fat emo. |
 Fucking fatties in #ed. |
 Typical fatty. |
 GOOD LORD O MIGHTY! |
 Fat bitch is fat. |
 Even fat people do cosplay. Dear god. |
 A fatty trying to sell stickers |
 A helpful guide. |
[edit] Related Articles
- For a list of fat people, please see appropriate section in MRI
- Fat people who cannot stop eating may have surgery to prevent them from doing so.
- Mischa_Fucked_A_Fatty
- Thesugarmonster
- Murftim 76
- Mrduckbear
- Oprah Winfrey
- Hoggin
- GoddessMillenia
- Blackfrost
- Food pyramid
- Kalidor
- Allspark
- Parry Aftab
- Zack
- Christianhillbilly
- girlvinyl
- AlanaJonze
- Orson Welles
- Kewian the Welfare Whale
- Fat porn (at 7898chan) is only a click away [4]
- 43
- ShilohInuyasha
- Merrill Howard Kalin
- Tori Sue Heck
- Amanda Baggs
- see Kelly Osbourne on the Ozzy Osbourne page
- Joy nash
- Redmachined
- Haldir Whore
- Vidal
- Krispy Kreme
- girlvinyl
- Kynn
- Hogging
- Fat gives you cancer
[edit] A reply to this article
I like to replay to the page about fat people. I am a fat women I have been all my life. Yes we do refer to ourselves with other word. That is not to make us feel better because we know we are fat. It is to make other people feel like they are being nice to us. If you do not like fat people then do not write about them. I am 29 year old women who is married with a young son. I was looking on the internet and so that fat people statement. I was not impressed by the person lack of feeling. I do not care if someone calls me fat. I am indeed fat. I am also an archaeologist. I feel that if you have to make fun of people probably because you have bad feeling told your own self image. I have many faults if you might tell my spelling is the worst. My grammer is laking, but my common sense is right on.
As to painters who painted image of fat women. Well in the past the fater you were the richer you were so in turn they were painting picture of the rich. Anyone with half a brain would know that it is the first thing they teach in history classes in the third grade. (Correction: This fact is usually never taught until 12th grade English class, which this user obviously never reached)anyway, at least i'm not a nigger
As to the statement about being on the net. Well I am on the net looking for cheap clothes for my son, for he is also a grotesquely fat fuck. I think it's lulz when people make fun of fat people because I take myself way to seriously. Most likely the person who wrote this article is a good dude and I am a nasty peehole who takes part in faggotry. In closing, DISREGARD ME I SUCK COCKS.
thank you very much
fatbitch29
[edit] Horrific Page
IT'S OVER 9000!1!!1111!!!
This is the most disgusting and horrific page I've ever read online. I cannot believe someone would do something like this. This is wikipedia online encyclopedia. The 1st Amendment gives you the right to freedom of speech, which is why I won't request for this page to be erased. But I ask you this, "where are your scientific facts to prove all these preverse sexual things that you claim Fat women and men do?" You truly are a SICK PERVERT and obviously have some mental issuses. All of your statements are FALSE and people must know that. Obesity is NOT the only eating disorder out there.
This statement is an example of what a fatty thinks of our article.
But the worst looking one. Also dangerous to sleep in the vicinity. Yawn.
"There was once upon a time in history that fat people were admired and considered a beauty, which explains the art work that you have posted here online. Today, with the aid of the media and the entertainment industry, we look at fat people as disgusting. where is it written that everyone has to be proportionately thin? You watch TV and see all these decked out, and probably in your perspective, beautiful thin people, but do you see what they look like when the make-up, wigs, hair extentions, etc. are removed? Also, weight has become such a problem in most developing countries that women and men are either starving themselves to be thin, purging every meal, or turning to gastric by-pass surgery to lose weight. It's horrible, and people like you, with your sick sense of ideology, are only helping to make it all worse!
IT ARE FACT : After the previous statements the fatty in question gasped for breath. This was due to the weight of the internet drama. The issue was made worse from the constant fistfuls of food into the mouth, and occasionally the nostril when the mouth was occupied by dick.
IT ARE ALSO FACT that I can't utilize proper grammar and am mad because my prom date costed me 3.95 not including the batteries. I am very fat.
IT ARE ALSO FACT FACT THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR THE Drama Llama
IT ARE ALSO FACT FACT FACT Bring a big harpoon for this whale because she weights OVER NINE THOUSAND pounds.
[edit] Yet another reply to this article
Keep in mind that the name of this website is "Encyclopedia Dramatica."
[edit] Again another reply to this article
Although the images in this made me want to vomit, I just can't simply comprehend how someone lets themselves grow to that of a hippo. Dude, put the fork down...then call Jenny Craig! And to the wikipedia comment above, it's just internet...get over it.
[edit] ylpeR----->Yor doin it RONG!
it sucks because people used to make fun of me for being skinny, then all of a sudden I got fat and now people make fun of me for that. Now I fear lifting weights or people will call me gay. but I'd rather be skinny because I can't control how I look like a fucking idiot when I run.
[edit] Too fat=far worse then too skinny
The fat mentality is that it's okay to weigh over 9000 pounds and that it's the skinny population's fault that being a gargantuan lardass is perceived as bad. Let's just say that yeah, it's a horrible thing that we're forcing you to take extreme measures to drop the gallons of blubber that you brought upon yourself, but could we be subconsciously doing you a favor prehaps? Would you rather spend the rest of your miserable ten or so years of life being wedged in small chairs that aren't meant to cater to your fat ass, sucking down concentrated fat by the truckload until your arteries harden, before you're forklifted out of your house through the removed front wall onto three stretchers and riding an ambulance on its axles to a hospital where they can't give you that dire quadruple bypass because there's too much goddamned lard to dig through? Here's your incentive, fatasses. Drop the fork and get on the treadmill. Stop kidding yourself into thinking it's OUR fault that you're a repulsive sack of fat. It's your fault that you decided it proper to waste your entire 20 years of life dedicating yourself to wrecking your body and our eyesight.
[edit] Would You LIEK Some "Reply" With That?
Diet pills, or an hero, plx.
SRSLY? EXERCISE YOUR CELLULITES. LIKE THIS FATARDS:
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