Redneck
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
A redneck is a stupid, shit-packing faggot who dislikes the company of anyone who is from "the city", and likes to rape their red-headed step-children, and ghey men. Whenever they are subjected to the company of a normal human being, or a nigger, they freak out, and beat their wives. 100% of their society is illiterate, and most likely to become whores who like to cook meth in their trailers, and lick a dogs ballsac. The common characteristics: being culturally, and technologically at least 10 years behind the rest of the country, an extremely simplistic worldview, and tendencies to obesity and retardation. Also, the television sets in a redneck household are turned on for an average of 20 hours daily. Be smart and don't associate with them.
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Introduction to Rednecks
Rednecks are exactly like regular, common, everyday people, except different. Rednecks have different ways of doing things than the rest of the world. For instance, the rest of the world is suffering from the takeover in the music industry by rap and emo. Rednecks have been writing their own music in the exact same way they did for at least 100 years, calling it Country Music.
"Round here, we done played BOTH kindsa music! Country AND western!" --a typical redneck
Also, some rednecks live in trailer parks in the suburbs and eventually grow up to be wiggers.
Redneck Sports
Rednecks watch sports that to them are the only sports, but never actually play any sport or do anything but talk about sports they watched. Their sports of choice include NASCAR and football. Rednecks play American football, which is similar to European rugby, except it is played by gorillas and retarded white people. Sports are an important social glue for rednecks, a fact confirmed by the fact that the current American football champion has 82 friends on MySpace.
Redneck Slang
"Hey feller, you ever done did getted that thar thingy that you said you was gonna get from the catalog?"
Loosely translated, this means "Did you receive the item which you ordered from the catalog?" A catalog is a form of old media. It was similar to eBay, but printed on paper and sent to everybody's house through the mail, another form of old media. Also, a catalog did not have the possibility of a bidding war where the price of an item escalated to over nine thousand times its actual value and could be bought by nobody.
Common Redneck Sayings and Translation
- Macn da laf durn We are going left in our automotive vehicle.
- Relo my boomstick Please place more of your ammunition into my handheld firearm.
- Gettin my cusin done wile watchin the datona 5 hundrurd Honeymoon.
- I goin to skol to do da numba lernin I am on my way to a learning institution to be educated in mathmatics.
- I gradadated da kendrgarden Highest Learning Diploma/PHD.
- Ma i cumd home wit da dinr Roadkill.
Redneck Mating
Main article: Redneck Mating.
Since many rednecks come from small country towns in the US, there is not many people around. Due to this, there is not a large amount of eligible people to mate with. Many rednecks avoid these problems by marrying their sibling or their cousin. Funfun. This results in more retarded children, who grow up to be rednecks and do likewise. This population expansion in the redneck communities results in the Republicans winning the election. See also: Cowboy Buttsecks.
How do I know if I'm a redneck?
Don't worry, the fact that you are able to access the Internet means that you are most likely not a redneck. You are also safe if you've never had to defend your girlfriend's honor by bringing a bucket of paint up the water tower (I'll clear your name, sis, I swears I will!). Also, in order to be a redneck, you must first be white and must possess several of the following items:
- A truck (Bare frame, one door and a busted windshield is acceptable) with a gun rack and dog box in the truck bed.
- 4 foot tall CB whip antenna on your truck, during and after hunting season.
- Miscellaneous car parts, in your overgrown yard or house.
- At least one car on cinder blocks.
- A tractor, even though you don't live on a farm.
- A beagle dog or collection of dogs underneath your trailer.
- A collection of Elvis 45's.
- A Lynyrd Skynyrd shirt.
- A hatred of blacks, jews, orientals and towelheads because they keep putting the white man down.
- A VCR with an extensive Disney VHS collection and 5 copies of Roadhouse.
- At least 4 flannel shirts and 2 full sets of camo for weekly usage, then a "nice" pair for McDonalds.
- A can of vienna sausages.
- A "The South Shall Rise Again" bumper sticker on the above mentioned truck.
- False teeth.
- A turkey fryer.
- Six toes, due to rampant inbreeding.
- If you understand what the hell Larry the cable guy is actually saying.
- If you associate the word fag with Jeff Gordon.
- If you're reading this page with your dick in a cow, a horse or a member of your family.
- You've "boned" your sister (This applies to all southerners).
- You have a nice new car while your house looks like pure shit.
- TV has only two channels, On and Off (LOL!).
- You become angry when you hear the joke series "You just might be a redneck if..." because you know it's true.
- You own at least one Git-R-Done t-shirt, bonus points if you cut the sleeves off.
The Fascination with Hunting
One would say that rednecks hunt in hunting clubs that are out in the middle of butt-fucking nowhere. This is the excuse for the typical redneck male to sneak out of the trailer to engage in group sex with other men at the clubhouse and out in the wild with the animals, much like another group of people. Most rednecks hunt for the sheer shock value of this now retarded past-time. Some however must hunt for their food because the government has deemed them unsafe from the public roadways, and the local Winn-Dixie just closed the meat department due to diseases.
See Also
