Sweden
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| This article is entirely factual. Fact Cat knows this because of his learnings. |
Sweden is a cold wasteland somewhere in Europe, God hates it for its evil incestuous ways and laws against preaching hatred against fags. In Freddy Phelph's words "THANK GOD FOR ALL DEAD SWEDES!!!"
Note: this article was written by either a finn, Fred Phelps, or a faggot.
Note 2: Sweden is the only country where girls don't look like your mother. No. All of their women look like fucking raisins when they turned 30. Really nasty bitches, trust me. And ugly as hell. This is due to the fact that they eat masses of contraceptives, and fucks them up real good. The average swedish girl starts taking that shit on a regular basis when she turned 15-16. Swedes are born whores.
Note 3: everyone who speaks ill of sweden will be pounded vikings.
(Note on note 3: Note 3 was written by a butthurt swede, and as you can see swedes do not know about proper grammar at all. This is because that all swedes that are born are actually abortions, and they do not have properly functioning brains, which makes it impossible for them to hold a thought or doing anything at all without looking like mongoloid people.)
Tl;dr: ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER: DO YOU SPEAK IT!?
Contents |
[edit] History
Swedes are stuck-up and their strict immigration policies don't allow many brown-skinned people in and thus they only have 78 7-11 stores in the entire country, although this is to protect the viking race from extinction. They also have no Taco Bell so they invented Swedish meatballs which are really fattening. "Och om jag ändå vore bög..." is for fuck sake not the national anthem of Sweden. The national anthem arrives from the early Viking era and goes "Jag städes vill lämna mitt älskade land, Dig trohet till min kuk vill jag svära" (Translation: I want to leave my gay ass shithole of a country, and i will sacrifice my own cock in belief.)
Some famous people from sweden include Schindler, Björn Borg In Sweden everyone is welcome except for George Bush, fags/emos(in fact it is full of them) and in swedish "blattar".
Edit: The above information is now out of date, according to the The Jokal's lulz news article, 'The Word Foreigner Banned In Sweden'
Sweden, Denmark and Norway share a language called Scandinavian, originally spoken by ancient Atlantians before they switched to a language that sounds less gay. When spoken by an alcoholic, Scandinavian is known as Finnish.
Sweden had lots of retards until Norway said they wanted them back, so now Sweden gathered everyone in one city; Köping. All retards now live in another part of Köping.
Sweden's only exports are Vikings, ABBA, disgusting food, Volvos, an ugly language, hot girls, IKEA furniture, Elfwood, shitty death metal bands, lame 70s pr0n and the Erlang programming language. In other words, exclusively toys, destruction, fags and death. Don't forget, Sweden also absolutely hates capitalism even though they win at it all the time. Most of the inhabitants are fucking commies as well.
Swedes think nazis are unfunny. This is because of troll's remorse from when they helped Hitler kill Jews. Nazis don't think swedes are funny. This is because swedes aren't funny.
[edit] Pwning Swedes
The Internets are infested with Swedes. Research clearly shows that there are more Swedes on the Internets than in Sweden. In fact, you've likely met one, even though you probably thought he was either Azn or homosexual. If you noticed him at all. Most Swedes can be shooed away simply by displaying emotion in their presence. And if you ever meet a swede IRL, what is not likely, the only thing you have to do is to show that you like your own country. The extremely self-hating swede will then run away in a massive display of teh butthurt. Lulz ensure.
[edit] Swedish People
[edit] Men
All swedish men are closet fags. And they are very feminine, because they want to attract other men for hot man-sex. And usually they brag about that they have viking ancestors, but the vikings would turn in thier graves if they would see what incredible faggotry thier sons do nowadays. And they have patheticly small cocks, no, really. It's actually proven by scientists that they have an average lenght of just 15 centimeters. Like, WTF? Thats the average lenght for ADULT swedes. Not for thirteen year old boys. The rest of the world shat bricks upon hearing that. Yea, have your pride about being a small-cocked faggot.
And another fun fact about swedes in general is that they get drunk really easily. Hell, they get drunk on LIGHT BEER. Not only thier crummy women, but also thier men. What the hell do they have in common with vikings, do you ask? Well, nothing at all. Except for the gay parties when the winter starts. But thats already all about it.
[edit] Women
First off, thier women are almost all mentally deranged sluts. They dress up like hookers, acting like such also, but when someone gazes at them they'll call the police for "sexual harassment", and they WILL put you in jail where you will get some sweet love from the other faggots who are there. And, their women may look fresh, but after they turned like 25-30 they start to look like grandmothers.
The only exception is for the rednecks. They are probably the only swedish girls that AREN'T whores. But as thier numbers are decreasing due to the fact that thier men's small dicks have fallen of so they can't produce offspring anymore, so those girls are considered myths.
And maybe, the most crucial part of womenhood, being in the kitchen, does seemingly not apply to swedish women. They are really some of the most worthless creatures to spread the AIDS on our planet. WOMEN. WHO. CAN'T. COOK. This is prolly because of thier "equality for both sexes"- bullshit. They think that women should work and such shit, and not being in the kitchen. So men are the womens bitches in this fucked-up country. Oh yes, viking pride my ass. DO NOT EVER touch one of thier sluts, because they are known to transmit all the STD's known to mankind. But as they are fucking with niggers, this serves them right.
[edit] Economy
The main base for Swedish economy is foreign trade. Basis of this foundation is the company IKEA (Ingvar Kamprad Eats Ass), founded by the nazi Ingvar Kamprad. Together with Illuminati and his nazi connections Kamprad have been able to expand his company from a tiny shack in the Swedish forest to a global corporation. In many parts of the world IKEA furniture is the only option, unless you want to live in a card box. This has made Ingvar Kamprad filthy rich, but even so, he still is more parsimonious than any average jew. Kamprad has built his fortune by letting children produce all his products in in third-world countries. That makes Kamprad a pedophile. Still today there are no confirmed IKEA stores in Israel.
The second largest source of income in Sweden are from tourism. Sweden is the number one popular place for vacation among Germans. During wintertime the people of Sweden wander the deep forests and collect Elk poop. The shit is then varnished and sold during the summer at ridiculous high prices to the German tourists. The Germans also buy shit loads of lousy white power-music, meatballs made by elk carcasses and bad 70's pr0n.
[edit] Sex
Sweden became famous in the 1960-1970's for thier bad pr0n. The social democratic government outlawed shaving of pubic hair. To encourage sex the government funded pr0n movie productions with state subsidies. This phenomena became known as "The Swedish Sin".
In 1985 the socialist prime minister Olof Palme was murdered by a conspiracy, involving a secret nazi police group called the Baseball Mob, the jewish captialist organisation SAF and the Vatican. After the collapse of Soviet Union, the social democratic party was infiltrated by neo-liberals and conservative cunts, waging war against all pr0n, loli's and teh Intarnet. This was the final death of "The Swedish Sin".
Today shaving of all pubic hair is forced by law. All thou majority of Swedish loli's and woman may look fresh, sexy and appealing there are strict laws prohibiting anyone from having sex with them. This has forced the majority of the male population to retard and devote to soccer hooliganism, nazi sectarianism and developing fag software like Skype.
[edit] Swedish National Television
Yes, it IS usual to see roman showers in non-sexual swedish television.
[edit] 4chan
Due to it's sexual content, 4chan is blocked in Sweden by The Great National Anti-Sex Firewall (TGNASF). TGNASF is operated by former justice minister Thomas Bodstrom. There is much evidence that points towards the fact that Thomas Bodstrom wants all the lolipr0n for himself. That bastard.
[edit] Pedophilia in Sweden
Pedophiles are widely accepted in Sweden. Fact is, they are loved by the swedes. On almost all swedish sites, there are pedos who are hooking it up with the jailbait there. It's AWWWRIGHT for them. (Legal age is 15 in this sick country.)
Sweden is one of the few countries where you won't get your ass lynched for being a child molesting sick fuck. If you have the bad luck of being one of the pedos that actually get convicted, stay calm. The longest time someone was in jail in Sweden was 10 years. And that guy really was hardcore. Most of the sick fucks get around 2-5 yrs.
And due to that, Sweden is known in Europe as the place to be for pedos. They flock in groups to get some delicious cake. And when the european pedophiles go back to their own countries? They get an IRL permaban. But in Sweden are these noble people safe. This is because of EVERYBODY in Sweden is a pedophile. Except for the lolis then.
It is no wonder that Sweden has got so much tourism, huh?
[edit] Royal family
Sweden is a royal kingdom, ruled by king Carl "Knugen" XVI Gustaf. The king is dyslectic and the source of many epic lulz in Sweden, thus making him the countries most popular character. The king is married to the daughter of a german nazi, all thou the royal court tries to cover up this fact.
The knig (Carl XVI Gustaf's own spelling) has three children. The crown princess is a fat ex-ana, the prince is a closet faggot. The youngest princess, Madeleine, could be considered fuckable. Thus a lot of conspiracy theories suggest her to be an illegitimate child.
[edit] Typical Swedish Dinner
- Sötlimpa (sugary bread)
- Surströmming (rotten fish, i shit you not)
And that is already all. Y'see, swedes are a very poor people.
[edit] Flamers in MY Sweden?
It's more likely than you think. Our prime example is the swede Davizor, who constantly reverts ANYTHING critical to swedes in this article. He is making it to a monstrousity of an article that is ass-licking the gay country of sweden. The pure anti-lulz. Check the history if you don't believe us.
[edit] External Links
- The Jokal, Sweden's News in 'Foolish' Lulz spoof news blog, that laughs long and hard at Swedish 'news'.
- There is no Swedish Conspiracy
