Worry Over Worry

Q: I worry about everything. Sometimes I can’t sleep because I worry so much. Even when everything is going well, I worry that something bad will happen! I fear that if I don’t worry about things, something will go wrong. I find it difficult to relax. What can I do?

A: You’re faced with a very real problem. You’re concerned that the worrying is bad for you and yet you’re scared that if you don’t worry, something really terrible will happen, and that’s a real bind.
Perhaps you’ve learned that it is important to be constantly on your guard. It could be that you lived in a very unpredictable environment where you were safe only if you were alert and careful about what you did and said. As soon as you relaxed your guard, something bad would happen. In this way you would soon learn that worry keeps you safe. Now, it seems, worry has taken over, and although unecessary, it’s hard to change old ways. I suggest you try the following:

• List the benefits that worrying holds for you. Counterbalance it with a list of what that worry is costing you. Is it in your best interests to hold on to this pattern of thinking?
• Recall those times in which you don’t find yourself worrying—watching TV, engrossed in a book, exercising or gardening. Is it possible that you can exercise some control over your worry by involving yourself in certain activities? Check it out.
• Set aside a “worry time.” Every time you’re tempted to worry, say to yourself: I’ll save that for my “worry time.” When “worry time” arrives, do all your worrying at once. When you’re finished say, I won’t worry again till this time tomorrow.
• Gather evidence as to the effectiveness of your worrying. Does it ever really help? When? Can you make things better by worrying about them?
• When tempted to worry about something, let your imagination suggest a “new ending” for the old worry. Imagine something turning out really well instead of disastrously, for example. You need to train your mind in new paths.
• Practise relaxation and meditation. Everyone worries at some time or another. It’s a common experience. By focusing on a loving and caring God, you can let your worries know that there is Someone who has it all under control.

 

Extract from Signs of the Times, March 2004.

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March 2004

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