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illustration by Garett Van Winkle

Regret

“Grabbing you on the steps of the New York Public Library...”

by Troy Jollimore

illustration by Garett Van Winkle

Published in the December 2008 issue.  » BUY ISSUE     

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I’d like to take back my not saying to you
those things that, out of politeness, or caution,
I kept to myself. And, if I may —
though this might perhaps stretch the rules —I’d like
to take back your not saying some of the things
that you never said, like “I love you” and “Won’t you
come home with me,” or telling me, which
you in fact never did, perhaps in the newly
refurbished café at the Vancouver Art
Gallery as fresh drops of the downpour from which
we’d sought shelter glinted in your hair like jewels,
or windshields of cars as seen from a plane
that has just taken off or is just coming in
for a landing, when the sun is at just the right angle,
that try as you might, you could not imagine
a life without me. The passionate spark
that would have flared up in your eye as you said this —
if you had said this —I dream of it often.
I won’t take those back, those dreams, though I would,
if I could, take back your not kissing me, openly,
extravagantly, not caring who saw,
or those looks of anonymous animal longing
you’d throw everyone else in the room. I’d like
to retract my retracting, just before I grabbed you,
my grabbing you on the steps of the New York
Public Library (our failure to visit
which I would also like to recall)
and shouting for all to hear, “You, you
and only you!” Yes, I’d like to take back
my not frightening the pigeons that day with my wild
protestations of uncontrolled love, my not scaring
them off into orbit, frantic and mad,
even as I now sit alone, frantic and mad,
racing to unread the book of our love
before you can finish unwriting it.

Troy Jollimore followed his debut poetry collection, Tom Thomson in Purgatory, with a chapbook, The Solipsist, in November 2008.

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Comments (4 comments)

Mary Albino : How can I tell Troy Jollimore what a totally necessary poem that is? First thought was: not one reader will not see themselves somewhere in those lines. It's an everyreader picece of work— which is no easy feat. Thanks also for making it available online: saved me writing it out in order to circulate widely.
Respectfully, gratefully,
Mary November 18, 2008 10:42 EST

Loulou Zok: Troy Jollimore has touched my heart with this poem. It has such lovely imagery. All in all it's an amazing read.
PS: I printed it and framed it and am going to give it as a gift to my husband this weekend. A gift from Troy Jollimore :-) I know it's maybe more of a sad poem since it's about regret & obviously I married my boyfriend, but I'm giving it as a present for its beauty. He'd appreciate such art.
Thanks. Sorry for the long comment. December 02, 2008 00:19 EST

nike dunk:


Dust off
your old sneakers



Do you own an
old pair of Nike’s or Adidas shoes?  Were you ever into playing sports like
basketball or skateboarding, or into Hip Hop music?  Were you born around 1970? 
If you answered yes to all of these questions, then you could already guess what
this is about.  Even if the answer was no to the last question, then you’re
still on page because most people these days understand the significance behind
Nike, Adidas, and the Sports and Music industry.  And if your not, then you will
now.




They say that it was the Nike Dunk that started it all off.  In 1985,
Nike brought out the Nike Dunk.  Originally these sneakers meant for the
college community of basketball players.  Instead, this style of sports shoes
started the sneaker sub-culture.   Although this style of sneaker was designed
to be used during high intensity basketball games, the spotlight quickly turned
to the fashion of wearing them, what they looked like, and which ones you
owned.  Twenty years later, Nike has brought the Nike Dunk back on the
courts with all its retro style and performance.
But why stop
with basketball shoes?  In 2000, Nike decided to jump into the skateboarding
scene with the new Nike Skateboarding product line. 



With Nike SB
has come the Nike Dunk SB.  For years, before skateboarding came out from
the underground scene, skateboarders utilized the rugged design of basketball
shoes.  Nike decided to capitalize on what Vans and DC shoes had been
monopolizing for years, and take what was already an amazing sneaker, and fit it
into the needs of skateboarders.  What the Nike Dunk SB brought in the
way of performance was extra-padded tongue and their patented Zoom Air insole.
In the way of style, this sneaker has already come out with six series, and
names for them like Grip, Forbes, and Vipers.



Another blast
from the past would be the Nike Air Force 1.  These sneakers first came
out in the early 80’s.  And like the hip hop culture, their popularity grew. 
However, this band did not reach their full fashion peek until 2002 when Nelly
released the song “Air Force Ones”. 



The other major
sports shoe brand is the Adicolor Shoes, an Adidas Original.  The design
became so popular because the plain white canvas was adaptable by painting,
drawing, and spraying on your own personal design, and even accessories were
sold to help you in your creativity.  In 2006 they pushed the envelope further
with a new color series using artists and designers from all over the world.




Another huge sneaker that was popular with the hip hop world was the
Adidas
Superstar.  A very raw and controversial Hip Hop group that helped skyrocket
the Adidas Superstar to stardom was Run-D.M.C. This cutting edge group was known
for wearing their Superstars out on stage, and even wrote a song dedicated to
them called “My Adidas”.  Whether its Nike or Adidas, clean out that closet,
dust off your old sneakers, and get into the game. 


December 29, 2008 09:17 EST

nike dunk:
share our story:

A insomnia frog
A Joyful party
Bear in eggs
Big alligator
Birds and bear
Carving and desert
Chickens and ducks
Clever crow
Crystal ball's dream
Hungry fox
Mom's birthday
Only one goal
Piglets temper
Small white and black pig
The camel is angry
The old dog
The poor and the rich
Broken dreams
The little princess
Dance bear
spring
The little princess
Three rats
A selfish giant


December 29, 2008 10:19 EST

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