From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Insecure, chafing, bug-ridden filth. <- This is usually what Lunix Faggots have to say about Microsoft Windows, which is ironic because it describes them perfectly as well. They say this because they are filthy communists who hate America and the beauty that was QBASIC (Noa visual Basic...Oh wait. Noa VB.NET. godfuckingdamnit). Windows provides everybody, from the basic user to the enterprise management teams all the tools they need to argue about who would win in a fight between Superman and Batman, provided they don't have hang-ups about their computer crashing every five seconds, randomly deleting their files, and catching fire (See: ReiserFS). The usability of Windows 3.1 ushered in the reign of our Illuminati masters as we know it today. The retarded killer application turned out to be Solitaire, since this was simple enough to run without crashing, as long as nothing else was running at the same time.

Contents 1 Microsoft Founding 2 Microsoft Operating System 3 New operating system! 3.1 Windows Statistics 3.2 Imitation, the sincerest form of faggotry 3.2.1 Zune 3.2.2 Vista 3.2.3 Seinfeld, with a dash of memetology 3.3 Vista Technology 3.3.1 Advanced Nigger Protection Technology 3.3.2 Incompatibility Monitor 3.3.3 User account Control 3.3.4 Aero Glass Faggotry 3.4 VISTA FAQ (click to expand) 3.5 .NET Framework 3.6 See Also 3.7 External Links

[edit] Microsoft Founding

Microsoft, (moar like Microshit, Amirite?) was founded by Nazi German leader Adolf Hitler, but, after his death, the owning title of Microsoft was handed down to his bastardy motherfucking faggot gay lover Bill Gates. After Gates' acquisition of Microsoft, he made it more Nazi-like than even Hitler did. He has programmed several batshit insane versions of Windows, such as Windows 95, 98, 2000, XP, and Vista. Many of his products and software are ridiculed for being heaping loads of bullshit, because they are, and always will be.

[edit] Microsoft Operating System

Recently, in the spirit of remaining true to their customers, Microsoft decided to call windows a Macrosoft Non-Operating System, that strangely coincided with a number of their former employees/programmers threatening to commit suicide as a collective act of redemption, internally, the decision was still thoroughly discussed, it has been reported that some marketeers were strongly objecting to the new name, Gates however, was reported being surprisingly calm, wearing a devilish smile on his face, he assured them that their sales curve will not be affected.

[edit] New operating system!

Windows RG is the newest operating system in the Windows operating system suite. This new update to windows is said to fix the problems in vista, by toning down the energy draining graphics and adding more to the features, including the revolutionary feature of ordering food offline, so its users never have to go outside and get sunlight on their Zunes.

UPDATE: The operating system's Microsoft executive only software demo has been leaked onto the internet here, which may lead to the system's official launch being pushed back while Bill Gates tries to identify the workers who commited this crime.

[edit] Windows Statistics

• 70% crap, 25% useful stuff, 4% good stuff, 1% unknown
• Has 10^8 fanboys.
• Old versions like Windows 95, 98, and ME crash over 9000 times a SECOND. This was to prevent anyone from getting online to post about it.
• Windows bashers actually wash windows more than toilets because they can't figure out how to play World of Warcraft and drink wine at the same time.

[edit] Imitation, the sincerest form of faggotry

Microsoft, always known for originality equaling the talents of top DA traceurs, has been content to ride the coattails of other, cooler OS manufacturers.
Cases in point:

[edit] Zune

Main article: Zune

Apple, Inc remains profitable only thanks to hordes of dickless idiots who pay cash for music available for free, and are content to only be able to play it on bland, overpriced cookie-cutter players with one button.
“I wanna piece of that action!”, yelped Billy.
Thus, a device even lamer than Ipod was born, something that was thought impossible by industry experts.

[edit] Vista

Moar below.

Apple, Inc remains profitable only thanks to hordes of dickless idiots who pay double cash for bland, elitist, cookie-cutter laptops with one button (other than keyboard/trackpad).
“I wanna piece of that action!”, yelped Billy.
Thus, an operating system even lamer than OSSux was born, something that was thought impossible by industry experts.
It’s just like it, too! All windows have rounded corners, the browser has tabs, and you can do that cool Exposè and flippy thingy (if you have 32GB of RAM, that is).

Easy trollage: Vista/OSX similarity is a hot topic with fanbois on both sides; they will be screaming for your blood should you suggest that their beloved OS is not original.

[edit] Seinfeld, with a dash of memetology

You saw this coming, folks: the sit-cum king and known ephebophile (he’s a furry and Jewish, too, for extra points!) was destined to team up with teh lame that is Microsoft.

The immensely witty and popular “Hello, I’m a Mac" commercials were just too good not to copycat.
Enter “Jerry and Bill try to fit in with normal people” spots.
Haeted by one and all, the campaign was halted after two ads, with the spin being that it’s always been planned that way, and “ordinary people” ads will now follow in the spirit of the abovementioned “Hello, I’m a Mac" brilliance.

Using an incredibly funny and popular (albeit balding and fattening) comedian wasn’t enough for Microsoft, though.
Like an mature gentleman adopting hipster talk to fit in with the young’in’s, Microshaft hijacked and forever sullied a respectable meme in the shoe-store ad.
Witness the sodomy:

“	...are they ever gonna come out with something that will make our computers moist and chewy, like cake...?	„
— Jerry, being a Kewl Kid

and:

It has thus been proven that one can be a newfag regardless of age.

FACT: This ad campaign cost 300 Million Jewgold, 10 of which went to Seinfeld for the two ads.
Sometimes, being the richest TV actor in history with rerun syndication on five continents just isn't enough.
Now you know why it costs you $35 to make a Windows support call to Raju in Bangalore.

[edit] Vista Technology

Windows Vista is the next generation in technology. It was developed using the legendary Computer Science III library system and used the DRAIN graphical API to suck the shit right out of your graphics card's asshole.

[edit] Advanced Nigger Protection Technology

With Windows Vista, niggers will no longer be able to steal your personal information. As part of this new technology Windows Vista now includes a reading test in order to be able to use the computer. Niggers can't read, of course, and they will fail the test and not be able to login keeping your data secure.

Now in Beta: Vista Service Pack 23 now includes Jew and Muslim lockouts. The login box is now adorned with jpegs of bacon and pork chops which frighten and disgust them and prevent their logging in.

An optional driver allows additional security where the would-be thief must deposit a quarter into the machine before usage, instantly repelling all Jews.

[edit] Incompatibility Monitor

The incompatibility monitor ensures that something in your computer won't work with Vista. Incompatibility monitor checks to make sure that everything on your computer is responding to the operating system, and if everything is working, incompatibility monitor is designed to pick the one thing that you love the most and make it stop working. The incompatibility monitor runs twenty four hours a day, even when you think you've shut off your computer, and is unable to be uninstalled.

[edit] User account Control

User Account Control (UAC) is an application Microsoft put into Windows Vista. It was Microsoft's way to keep the viruses you get from watching lolita porn from messing up your computer. The way it works is simple yet annoying. Everytime you run an application it asks if you are sure you want to run it and then it tells you that it may fuck up your computer. if you say yes, it will ask you another question that looks different, but is the same basic question. The most ironic thing about UAC is the fact that Windows is the world's biggest computer virus in itself, and it is rather amusing to think that a Virus protects itself against other viruses... Bill Gates for ya I guess...

[edit] Aero Glass Faggotry

For once, Windows came out with something before Mac. Now you can sort of see through the window panes to the other window panes behind them, but it's slightly blurred so you actually cannot see anything behind the window. Sounds confusing? That's the way we like it here at Microsoft.

Not convinced? Take a look at our product tour:

[edit] VISTA FAQ (click to expand)

[-] [+] 0

[edit] .NET Framework

Remember in the 90s when the really newb programmers made things in Visual Basic and you had to download 2 megabytes worth of DLL files and usually didn't have to bother again for 5 years? Well Microsoft later renamed it to ".NET Framewok" and instead of 2 megs, it's around 100 megs with each release getting larger and each release coming out ever few months. People who code in .NET always hate their users so they only compile in the latest .NET version. And to download a version from Microsoft that's not five years old, you have to hack through Microsoft's Windows Genuine Disadvantage software and spoof your warez version as real. .NET is basically a software for newb programmers who never passed CSIII, but a lot of companies have sacked all their good programmers and replced them with newbs programming only in .NET (e.g. try installing Norton Ghost).

Windows Gallery

Typical Windows Forum LOL Apple officially is a PC. Now you can be pretentious MacFuck and a PC retard... Yeah, just think about it! Where's my keygen?

[Collapse Gallery] [Expand Gallery] 0

O NOES!!!! ALL YOUR LOLI!!! lulz! Microsoft will try to sue you if you accept this license. Microsoft hidden lulz settings You got pwnd! Fucking typical!! A screenshot of Windows Vista. Vista: don't you dare! Microsoft really wants you to buy their Viagra! Windows update has always sucked. Windows Vista is a whore. Hogs glory, but never puts out without a price. Windows Security, its fuckin 1337. Microsoft Final Solution Bill Gaytes gets pwned Former Microsoft Programmer

[edit] See Also

• Apple
• Buffering
• Desktop
• Easter egg
• H-Dub Beeper SOFTWARE SO ADVANCED IT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND
• QBASIC
• MS
• Windows Optimizer- The final solution to all Windows-related problems.
• Windows Live
• .wmv

[edit] External Links

• Microsoft CEO "Our company almost as Israeli as American"