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Starring: Thomas Jan, Marca Gay , Stephen King, Laurie Holden, William Sadler
Written By: Frank Darabont
Directed By: Frank Darabont
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Well kids I was in the mood for some awesome movie about monsters and junk so I went to see the Mist, thinking, hey, there were evil bat monsters in the preview so maybe it's totally awesome. Well guess what, it was totally crap. Its written by Stephen King and directed by Frank Darabont who is most famous because he, made two previous movies based on Kings books - Shawshank Redemption, about a guy jerking off to a Rita Haysworth poster in prison for three hours, and The Majestic, about a guy renovating a movie theater for three hours.
Mist a story about an evil fog that comes in and brings bat monsters and other crap. Well guess what? Mr Darabong and Mr King have totally ripped off a far older story called, Silent Hill. It was a brilliant old Nintendo game series about a town that got covered with fog that brought a bunch of bat monsters and crap. In fact the bat monsters are the first thing you rumble with in the game just like in the movie. Theres even an tornado siren just like in the Silent Hill movie, only instead of hopping back and forth between evil monster time and hot girls time, it just stays evil monster time. Which wood be pretty cool except instead of doing all monsters, it does a bunch of stupid pansies stuck in a grocery store.
And it gets worse. Yes there are evil bat monsters, but most of the monsters look like grouchy praying mantisises. And theres also this big scene wit ha tentacle monster, what is this, Japanimation porn?! But instead of hot schoolgirls with giant boobs getting tentacled like God clearly intended, it was just some lame guys, another subtle illusion to Hollywood's gay agenda of evil and perversion. Damn you Hollywood and you're evil liberal ways!!!
This is also supposed to be a horror movie but guess what? There's like two drops of blood in the whole thing. Everyone knows that REAL horror is about people being ripped open and gutted by other people for no apparent reason, having suspense and strange monsters you cant see is just lazy writing. Stupid hack King.
Speaking of King, I wrote in a recent awesome blog about a great movie called Running Man, that this beautiful vision of the future was written by a guy Backman who vanished into obscurity while stupid liberal pansies like Stephen King get all super rich making crappy movies about tentacle monsters who go after guys? WTF is wrong with this country!! This is why I don't read! You ruined books for me Stephen King!
So anyway theres also all this buzz about the great ending in The Mist, but I don't see whats so great about everyone's, characters getting the virus and turning into monsters. Its been done u stupid jerks! Stop pretending like that's original! Oh crap spoiler alert, oh well, its not really worth it, LOL.
Well anyway this movie is stupid and you should avoid it at all costs! |
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| RATING & SUMMARY: |
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Rating: PG
Running Time: 127 mins
Reviewer: Fredrico el Guapo |
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| Comments: |
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| you are an idiot. |
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| you are an idiot. |
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