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[JOKE] Lawyer Funnies
Last October while in Philadelphia on a business trip, I took one
afternoon off to see the Liberty Bell and other historic sites downtown.
Two young familes were also in line to the see the sites and I overheard
an interesing conversation between two small boys, not yet old enough to be in
school.
"My name is Billy. What's yours?", asked the first boy.
"Tommy", replied the second.
"My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?", asked
Billy.
Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Billy.
"No, just the regular kind." replied Tommy.
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Sometimes the funniest things lawyers say aren't meant to be
jokes.
Case in point: The following
questions from lawyers were taken from official court records
nationwide. They were compiled
by a client of the Salt Lake City law firm of Johnson & Hatch.
Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
in
most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything
about
it until the next morning?
Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can
identify
me."
Q: Did he kill you?
Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
Were you alone or by yourself?
How long have you been a French Canadian?
Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on Nov. 8.
Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was Aug. 8?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?
Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
So you were gone until you returned?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there girls?
You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked
like,
but can you describe it?
Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.
A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid
question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike
the next question."
Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined that
body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
doing an autopsy!
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