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[OP-ED] The world becoming new (fwd)
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PATRICIA SMITH: THE WORLD BECOMING NEW
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Copyright © 1996 Nando.net
Copyright © 1996 N.Y. Times News Service
(Oct 11, 1996 00:01 a.m. EDT) -- Now that same sex-marriages are
officially unnatural, now that gay-bashing is a permanent American
fixture, now that a convicted murderer is a better father than a
lesbian is a mother, now that "gay" and "AIDS" are practically
synonymous in the American mind, it's time for National Coming Out
Day. On Friday, Oct. 10, closeted gays are urged to consider the
advantages of revealing their sexuality to family, friends or
coworkers.
Heterosexual hordes, do not panic. Your day will not be interrupted by
the sound of closet doors flinging open as your boss, the mailman, the
cabby, the deli counter guy, your daughter and the gentleman you've
nodded hello to every morning for the past 17 years reveal themselves
to be gay and ask only for your understanding. Relax. That lad in
accounts payable won't ask you to go line dancing while Patsy Cline
whines in the background. Your stereotypes and generalizations can
rest in peace, since there will be no rampant unveiling of what the
unimaginative have dubbed "alternative lifestyles." In fact, it's a
good bet that anyone in the closet -- that may include your own blood
kin -- will choose to stay put.
And why shouldn't they, when we've done anything and everything to
make life so much more appealing on the dark and dusty side of that
closet door?
Being gay in Boston is like being anything else in Boston that can't
blend effortlessly into the dreamy all-American hue of a Norman
Rockwell painting. Walk the park in the Fenway section with someone of
the same sex and you are asking for a lead pipe skullcap. At school,
steel yourself against "Hey, faggot!" and all you have to deal with
are the childishly-scrawled notes taped to your locker. Ignorance
abounds. I was once followed and taunted for two city blocks -- in the
liberal bastion of Brookline, of all places -- by a thickheaded
palooka who'd seen me hug and kiss a female friend good-bye. I'd
smooched her on the cheek, but much too near the mouth for his liking.
"I bet you wanted to tongue her," he screeched. "Why didn't you just
go on and tongue her, dyke?" My stomach churned as I ducked into the
welcome fluorescence of a convenience store and wondered why anyone in
their right mind would ask for this world.
Yet there are people who have, people who seem to be thriving. Boston
playwright Thomas Grimes has always faced that world with a heady mix
of humor and a fierce independence that is reflected in his work. He
understands the reluctance of gays who are thinking of stepping into
the light.
"Coming out is a lifelong process. Because you don't swish your ass
when you walk or speak with a lisp, people will always assume you are
hetero. It's nothing you say once, 'I'm gay,' and it's done. You keep
living it, over and over, moment by moment."
Grimes is currently working with a gay 16-year-old in a mentorship
program sponsored by the Boston Center for the Arts and "the kid's so
bright he scares me. I just listen to him talk and I remember being
16, feeling the way he does.
"Just two days ago, I asked myself why he would want to come out in a
world that's so hostile. But it's a lot easier to come out than it is
to hide in that dark closet we build for ourselves. A person could die
in there and never know his real name."
In answer to the eternal question, Grimes knew it was time to come out
after the death of his gay older brother. "There was no room for
secrets after that. I lost someone very important, someone who damn
near tried to push me out of the closet. I always thought I would have
him beside me, that we would walk that road together. Watching him
face death, I knew I could face who I was. I owed him that to him. But
I really owed it to myself."
According to Grimes, the key to coming out is to work past the doubt,
the fright, the pain when a loved one rejects the heartfelt admission.
"The world is becoming new every day. There's nothing to do but pull
in that deep breath and become new with it."
And this is especially for the young people who fear life on the
scarier side of the closed door: You don't have to shout out "I'm
gay!" Just whisper it to yourself first. Whisper it again, again, feel
the good in it, and your very next step will be new.
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