[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next][Date Index][Thread Index]
[OP-ED] Gays who come out ... (fwd)
_________________________________________________________________
GAYS WHO COME OUT FIND ACCEPTANCE GROWING AMONG KIN, PUBLIC
__________________________________________________________________________
Copyright © 1996 Nando.net
Copyright © 1996 The Arizona Republic
PHOENIX (Oct 11, 1996 01:06 a.m. EDT) -- It was the horror stories
that kept Doug Burke in the closet for so long -- stories of
rejection, insults and broken hearts.
"What if my parents said they never wanted to see me again after I
told them?," the 42-year-old gay Phoenix man said. "What if they
disowned me and didn't want me in their lives anymore?"
Or what if he was fired?
But Burke, so tormented with living a lie, starting coming out anyway
10 years ago. First he told his family, years later his co-workers,
and finally his boss.
And today, on National Coming Out Day, he recalls that he couldn't
have been more overwhelmed with the underwhelming reaction that met
his pronouncements.
Only a few years ago, homosexuals leaving the closet might have been
met with scorn or rejection. Today, more and more gays and lesbians
are finding that their news evokes, at most, mild surprise.
"So what?" and 'Who cares?" are increasingly typical responses among a
growing number of heterosexual Americans, said Jeff Ofstedahl, a
gay-community advocate and general manager of "Echo," a Phoenix-area
magazine for gays and lesbians.
"Everyone was so supportive," Burke, an insurance-claims manager,
remembers. "Very supportive. People are just more accepting about
being gay."
Even high-profile politicians are finding that most of the voting
public doesn't get worked up over sexual orientation.
Tempe Mayor Neil Giuliano and Rep. Jim Kolbe, R-Ariz., both were
surprised with the positive reaction they received when they recently
came out of the closet.
"I must have received 500 cards, letters and e-mails offering support
and encouragement," Giuliano said. "They all said it didn't make any
difference to them if I was gay."
Ron Foreman, press secretary for Kolbe, said the outing wasn't on the
congressman's terms. A national gay magazine was threatening to out
Kolbe if he didn't do it himself.
"It really didn't need to be anybody's business, but in the aftermath,
the response was overwhelming positive and supportive," Foreman said.
Voters such as Merlene Garard of Mesa didn't take the time to drop
either Giuliano or Kolbe a line but that didn't stop her from silently
lending her support.
"I read that in the paper and thought, 'What's all this fuss about
nothing?' " said the 75-year-old grandmother. "Who cares if they're
gay, because it doesn't have anything to do with the job they're
doing. If they're doing a good job, that's fine and it doesn't matter
if they're gay or not."
Barbara Zuckerman of Scottsdale couldn't agree more.
"I didn't care whether or not they were gay," said the retired
educator. "But I thought it was sad they were forced to reveal it or
else somebody was going to tell on them."
Like Garard, Zuckerman, 61, said a person's sexual orientation has
nothing to do with their performance on the job.
"And to put them under a spotlight because they are gay, well, it just
isn't any of our business," she said.
Ofstedahl noted a poll released Tuesday by the University of Chicago's
National Opinion Research Center, which found that opposition to
homosexuality has declined.
The percentage of those who think homosexuality is wrong declined from
73 percent in 1973 to 61 percent now in the survey.
The findings were the result of an annual survey that the center has
been conducting for 24 years.
Butquiet acceptance isn't necessarily what Ofstedahl and other gay
advocates are after.
Coming out is.
"It's the only way to dispel the negative stereotypes people have
about gays," he said. "Because the people who knew them as good people
before they came out will realize after they come out that they are
the same people and not the demons the religious right would have us
believe."
There's also the job issue.
"The threat of losing one's job is very real," said Ofstedahl, because
in Arizona it is still legal to fire someone because they are gay.
But it may be exaggerated.
"The threat of job loss, while real, is not as great as most people
perceive it before they come out," said David Horowitz, vice president
of the Lesbian and Gay Public Awareness Project, based in Phoenix.
And not every homosexual is willing to venture all the way out of the
closet because of such fear.
Cindy, 40, who asked that her last name not be published, said she
shared her sexual orientation with her family just a month before
telling her boss last year.
"And although I have the full support of my boss, my mother was pretty
shocked," said the administrator of a national association.
"I'm also in other national associations . . . that I have not come
out to," Cindy said. "Maybe a couple people in that group know, but
not the whole group. I'm just not ready to do that yet."
But the Phoenix woman said the most difficult person she's had to deal
with so far has been herself.
"I denied this for years and only came out to myself two years ago,"
she said.
"Everybody who comes out first has to come to the point of
self-acceptance. Then, the process becomes much easier."
-------------------------------------------------------------------