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Paradise Lost

Belladonnaroses

*VII* Home

'I'm on a train, but there's no one at the helm
And there's a demon in my brain that starts to overwhelm
And there it goes, my last chance for peace
I lay me down, but I get no release'

She stares at the phone for the remainder of the night, and when the darkness lifts and gray dawn peeks in from under the curtains she leaves the bed and her sleeping lover, and pads over to the table where it sits.

She doesn't bother to get dressed, she just lifts the reciever, hesitates and dials the number that she knows by heart. It rings. Once. Twice. And then a groggy voice answers and her heart is in her throat. She can barely make out the word, Giles.

There's a pause and then he says her name and she's flooded by relief. She wants to cry, to rest her head on his chest and feel the texture of his tweed and smell the scent of aftershave and books and tea that he always seems to radiate, but she can't do that, so she just says, Yea.

And now it's his turn to pause and she wonders if he's thinking the same things, or if he's just trying to contol himself before he rips into her. She's scared now and almost hangs up the phone when Spike's arms wrap around her and pull her against his chest. He looks at her and he seems to tell her that it's going to be alright. So she doesn't put down the reciever.

And then the pause ends and Giles' voice is carrying across the telephone lines and he's telling her how mad he is, how worried he's been, how much he loves her, how she has to come home -

And she cuts him off, I can't.

There's silence on his end now and she doesn't doubt that it's an angry one. Then his voice is back on the line and it's short and terse and it says things to her that she never thought she'd have to hear again, It's unfortunate that you believe that you 'can't' return to Sunnydale, but I'm afraid you have no other choice. It appears that Angelus has returned.

The phone falls out of her fingers and hits the carpet, she barely notices as Spike picks it up and hangs it in the reciever. She turns to stare at him and she's shaking. He pulls her to him and reaches for the cigarette pack with his extra hand. He lights one easily and takes a long drag before handing it to her. She does the same and leans her head against his chest, the cigarette burning in her fingers.

Finally he tilts her head up to face him and his eyes are flashing yellow, she can hear the vampire in his voice even though she can't see the demon in his face, Let's go put the bloody wanker in the ground for good.

She nods and then they're in a flurry of motion. Dressing, packing, cigarettes? - check ... They're done in record time and Spike is loading the car as Buffy sticks her key in the lock of the apartment door and turns it. The click is loud and seems so final to her, she stares at the darkened windows of their apartment and thinks of the time they spent there.

Her mind drifts to the nights in Jackson park, the food and the occasional dancing. She thinks of Spike bringing her home last night and the way the almost made love against the door of the building. She remembers the hot days and humid nights. She remembers lighting all the candles in their bedroom and just lying with him in the afterglow, skin on skin. She remembers the way her name sounded oh his tongue when it bounced of the walls of their bedroom, and they way everything reminded her of him.

She realizes that they've made this place home.

Spike steps up behind her and wraps his arms around her, staring at the building with a knowing smile on his face, We'll be back, love. I promise.

She gives him a weak smile and he pulls her to him, kissing her roughly, his tongue in her mouth, her hands under his shirt, and then he pulls away, Let's go get us a spot of violence.

'I try to keep awake, I try to swim beneath,
But still I find this narcolepsy slides
Into another nightmare'

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