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> Results: Postal 2: Apocalypse Weekend
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Postal 2 was released in early 2003 to much controversy in the press and among politicians, but with little critical fanfare from gamers. It was an average shooter that wrapped itself around every possible politically incorrect concept imaginable. It even had an interesting concept, a week in the life of the ‘postal dude', and the promise that ‘the game is only as violent as you are'. Later that year a multiplayer edition was released that also addressed the very long load times of the original game. In the end it remains a fairly ordinary shooter and just an excuse for a bunch of ridiculous, intentionally offensive gags, some of which are funny, others just annoying.
Fast forward to summer 2005, and the release of the Apocalypse Weekend single-player expansion pack. The expansion adds new areas, missions and weapons as you journey as the postal dude through a weekend of mayhem. So how does it do?  This year I have been plagued by games that left me with conflicted feelings of love and hate, promising but deeply flawed games like Dungeon Lords, Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords, and Restricted Area. I am glad to say that this game left me with no such conflict. Postal 2: Apocalypse Weekend is garbage, pure and simple. Don't bother with it even if you're a Postal 2 fan (There is such a thing? –ed.). The game is pretty much identical in every way to the over two-year-old original, and looks more like a fan-made ‘mod' than a professional expansion. The weapons are pretty much the same, with the addition of a scythe and ‘boomerang machete', but losing some of the original game's weapons. There is no reloading (in fact, the common reload key ‘R' is mapped to unzip your pants …), and the aiming and hit location is atrocious unless you pop a head-shot from less than five feet away. In fact, once I landed a shot from the rocket launcher in between three soldiers. Two of them got blown away as expected but the third just stood there and kept firing. One difference is that you apparently suffered a head wound at the end of Postal 2, which causes you to go into frequent ‘psychotic episodes' where your view hazes over and the walls and people get strange appearances … and loads of Gary Colemans come out to kill you. Two of the best things from the original were the ‘daily tasks' and the living feel of Paradise, Arizona. Both of those are gone in the expansion. The only areas you can explore are ‘plot-critical' buildings, plus a few ‘secret' alleys and rooftops you can get to for power-ups. And instead of a task list and map, you just have the Postal Dud saying "I'm hungry". So you look for food, and eat it. Then he says, "I'm hungry for some really lousy Chinese food". OK, so I look for the Chinese takeout. Replayability is pretty much non-existent with this expansion. Whereas the original game allowed you some flexibility to try to avoid violence or just dive right into it, and who you would want mad at you, the expansion has killing everything as a basic objective. In one section, you pass through a metal detector and even with weapons hidden the alarms sound and every officer in the entire section is now hostile. Permanently hostile. Again, in the original, if you committed a crime, you had a ‘wanted meter', which would gradually go away, and you could go on with your tasks.  Please don't buy this game. It really is junk. The original game was a ‘one-trick pony' that at least managed to have a few chuckles and entertaining moments, and looked pretty good over two years ago. The expansion is self-absorbed, not funny, and seems to not even realize what few things gave anyone enjoyment from the original. It is without a doubt the worst game I've played in some time, and I pity the game that takes away that honor. 
This is a bit less ‘family UN-friendly' than the original, as it consists of mainly canned and rehashed material. There is rampant swearing, objectification of women, killing civilians, ‘friendly' soldiers and law-enforcement. There is racism, abuse of animals, and many instances of poor taste. Not to mention more instances of Zombie Gary Coleman than any normal person could imagine. Keep your kids away from it while keeping yourself away from it. If someone wants to loan it to your kids, they aren't true friends.
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