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Will guest outshine the bride?
Dear Miss Manners,
My son's girlfriend, having never been to a wedding, asked me if the dress she intends to wear to my niece's wedding this summer is suitable. While the dress is perfectly appropriate for a wedding, I think it will make her outshine the bride. My niece is rather plain and her wedding dress is not as flattering as it could be. My son's girlfriend is an extremely attractive woman, and the dress, while modestly cut, is very flattering and makes her look stunning. The problem is, while I don't want my son's girlfriend to steal all the attention from the bride, this head-turning dress is the only one she owns that is suitable, and as a student she can't easily afford a new one. Should I ask her to get another dress, or would that be going to far?
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Gentle Reader,
Goodness knows that Miss Manners is horrified by a lot of what is being worn to weddings — but you want her to object to a dress that you acknowledge is both appropriate to the occasion and modestly cut?
Is there something about it that you haven't told Miss Manners? Does it come with its own spotlight? There are lots of mind-boggling possibilities, but she can't think of any that would not be disqualified as both immodest and inappropriate.
If there were a rule forbidding wedding guests from being prettier than the bride, Miss Manners supposes that they, not the bride, would have to wear veils. Besides, attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder. If the bridegroom finds this lady more attractive than the bride, Miss Manners only hopes he finds out before the ceremony.
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Table tips for nervous teen
Dear Miss Manners,
I'm going over to a friend's house for dinner and she's really rich. Her dad owns some kind of a big restaurant. I'm actually pretty nervous to go. Is there anything about dining I should know about before I go? Things like which fork is which? I'm only 15 and I am totally lost. I don't want her parents to think I was raised on a farm. Please help!
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Gentle Reader,
The expression is "raised in a barn," Miss Manners believes. From what she observes, being rich and having your own restaurant are no better guarantees of manners than any other circumstances, including farming.
The strange thing about your attitude, which is a common one, is that table manners are mostly so simple. One would think even rich people and restaurateurs could learn them. All you need to know about forks is that the flatware is laid out in the order of use, starting from those implements that are farthest away from your plate, so the forks should be used in left-to-right order. That would only be wrong if the table were set wrong, in which case you wouldn't have to worry about your hosts being in a position to criticize your table manners.
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