Did you ever notice that there are a lot of dolls out there? And that many times they are often times used as role models for little girls?
Well, we are all familiar with the good old Barbie doll with her long blond hair, her permanent smile and mile long legs. As HotSpotMama noted in her recent article on All Time Best Toys, she's been around forever inspiring young girls to be perky and buxom.
In my search for the wacky, I have come across quite a collection of weird dolls. But being the tough guy that I am, I am not going to I just can't be seen writing about doll. So, it got me thinking what I should do and then it hit me...
All these weird dolls are just like the women in my life. Some are cuddly, some are malleable, and some are rigid. Many of these dolls immediately remind me of my old exes. I realized I could do something to help out my fellow man while finding an ingenious way to show off my collection of wacky dolls without compromising my manhood. BRILLIANT - huh!
So here are my picks for the 10 Types of Women You Need to Stay Away From:
10. The woman who is obsessed with getting married:
You know the type. Desperate to be married...jerks are ok so long as they are marriage material.
She's the woman who had her whole life laid out like clockwork and with a timeline to give her the perfect life, only to find she hasn't met the perfect man and her biological clock is counting down in seconds.
You know she's going to suddenly discover as soon as she's married and gotten the two kids that you are a stinker...but now, you're going to have to deal with her the rest of your life.
She's so scary that any man in his right mind would run away....so run. (See it here )
9. The woman who is always looking for a fight:
You will be able to tell if your woman is this type if everything with her is a battle.
Anything that is said by anyone will be quickly taken out of context to become some sort of insult or some reason to wage war against the world.
She will make you an angry and bitter person too as there will be nothing but misery with her. Avoid her like you would a shrieking alarm. (See it here )
8. The woman who needs to be handled with kid gloves:
Everything in life hurts this type of woman. You feel like she should be wrapped up in bubble wrap so she doesn't break.
The tiniest criticism, the most innocent of comments will have her dripping in tears and big sad dog eyes.
Before you know it, you will be spending your whole life apologizing, saying sorry for all the things you did, didn't do and for the mere fact that you came into her life.
It's easier if you just get out of her life, as if she doesn't commit suicide because you leave her, she will sure threaten suicide because of something your did when you stayed. Avoid her like you would moldy bread. (See it here.)
7. The woman who really needs to cover up:
I understand there are many women out there that still feel as young on the inside as they did when they were teenagers, but there does come a time when they need to stop dressing like they have the body of a lovely young lady.
To me, almost nothing is as gross as looking at the jiggling flesh of aging skin put out for display by a woman as if they are at the prime of youth (other than the behavior of leering men too old for them I am told by my wife - guess which doll is inspired by her).
If you are involved with a woman who shows a bit too much, she has issues that are not going to get smaller with the decay of time so issue her a kiss off letter and vamoose. (See it here .)
6. The woman who is a constant drag:
God, there a million of these types of women aren't there?
You know the type? Everything around them is a total drag. There is always something that could go wrong and she can never be happy, no matter what you do.
You could have won the lottery but with her worrying and kvetching, it will soon feel like it was the worst thing that ever happened to you.
This type of woman will slowly seep the will to live out of you, so stay away. Avoid her like you would an old used shoe. (See it here. )
5. The woman who can't shut up:
I get attracted to women who can carry a conversation and has a good sense of humor. But there is a fine line between being a good talker and talking too good.
Avoid the wise-cracking woman who always has to make a comment about everything. If you don't watch out, you'll wake up one morning to find yourself next to your nightmare version of Rosie O'Donnell. (See it here )
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Comments
Scrutinizing Women
The "lesson" for the single men should be that relationships based solely on romantic love are not likely to last--friendship and common interests are more important.
While some women can be hard to read, all of these women must be carefully examined in order to ascertain what they have to offer. By glancing but not scrutinizing, here's what you missed. (Understandably, as you are a married man who may sneak a peek but never really see another woman).
( l) The Woman Who Is Obsessed With Getting Married
--Pure BLISS. Everyday of your life will be like your wedding day and everynight will be like your honeymoon.
--Her gown makes the naughty knot look like a whimple
( 2) The Woman Who Is Always Looking For A Fight
--A wholesome woman with a big heart that has only been broken twice
--Based on her stance and props, she loves square dancing and cooking and is always ready to butter you up
--If necessary, she will meet your needs before her own
( 3) The Woman Who Needs To Be Handled With Kids Gloves
--Preserved in plastic: A sign of innocence and purity, free of STDs
--A VIRGIN who is waiting for the right man to pop her bubble
( 4) The Woman Who Really Needs To Cover Up
--She does look a little fishy, but she is big, dominant, her cups runneth over, and she has a big blow-hole: A wonderful mate for a Moby Dick
--She is a Dominatrix who loves to role play
--With hands in back of her, she is revealing that she is ready for handcuffs or anything else
--Fish net stockings indicate she knows how to take care of her foreskin
( 5) The Woman Who Is A Constant Drag
--Anytime, anywhere, she is clearly a boner
--She's a little anorexic, but her loss is your gain
( 6) The Woman Who Can't Shut Up
--Did you see her tattoo? She's Ivy League, man
--Smart and perceptive, she doesn't need to have her glasses on to know when you're coming
--The camouflage shirt makes her look like GI Jane, but it means she has many hidden talents and wants to challenge her man. She is just daring you to try to find her G-Spot
( 7) The Woman Who Takes And Takes And Takes
--The sleeveless gown makes her look cold-shouldered, but she is only playing hard to get
--The sign on her shirt may be misconstrued for a dollar sign, but it is an "S" with a single line through it: Symbolic of "NO Suckers" and "NO SOBs" need apply
--The large "Greed" on her is indicative of her ability to satisfy even the hungriest man
--Overall, an attractive woman who knows what she wants and what you need
( 7)(A) ...Suck You And Your Wallet Dry
--Looks like she has a stick up her a--, but with 6 highly flexible arms, who cares?
--She can handle any situation with ease and is always ready to lend a hand
--You'll have to go out on a limb to fully appreciate her capabilities...but you won't be disappointed
( 8) The Woman Who Has Nothing To Say
--You call that a woman?
--She might be able to bring out the animal in you, but you'll never be able to see eye-to-eye with her
--Of the 10 women portrayed here, she is the biggest risk: She's full of stuffing and may be suffocating
--However, like the Therapy Buddy, you'll get a good night's sleep with her snuggled next to you
( 9) The Woman Who Is One Big Freak Show
--I guess it is difficult to recognize poor Dolly, the first cloned woman who had some medical problems. When her friends found out that she needed a body part transplant, they didn't hesitate to donate some of theirs. Initially, the transplant didn't appear to be successful, so her doctor gave her some ana-body-cal steroids and she is now thriving. Currently, Dolly is well a-head of expected progress. However, there isn't much legroom in the event that an infection should occur.
--Medical problems aside, Dolly is one super woman and has a great sense of humor--she is always cloning around
(10) The Woman Who Is All Out Evil
--Well, that depends on your tastes
--Black (gown) and Blue (hair), she is into S & M. She's not evil, just "different"
--The right macho man can get the kinks out of her and enjoy a wonderful, pain-free marriage
Needless to say, never judge a book by its cover; beauty is only skin deep.......
THIS GUY IS SO FULL OF SHIT.
THIS GUY IS SO FULL OF SHIT.
what's with the math
what's with the math question?
anyways, i myself am i woman, and i found your article to be quite hilarious. i know many of those types of women myself, and the dolls you have chosen represent them well. ha.
Math Question
It's to keep robots from clogging up the comments with spam. It's a simpler system than the other one that you may be familiar with that displays warped text in a graphics box.
Roger
American Inventor Spot
Doesn't the guy basically
Doesn't the guy basically admit that he's full of s***. I am also a woman and I think his article is hysterical. I cannot wait to see what he has for the guys.
Hello?
People...you are treating these inanimate dolls as though they are REAL women and that the comments are also about REAL women. It is an article or story about ridiculous looking dolls and how they POSSIBLY MAY be related to some real, live women that you might have encountered. Use your imagination--calling it "full of shit" just doesn't capture the essence of what it all about.
Christie Brinkley
Well, I just heard that Christie Brinkley--beautiful supermodel--had her FOURTH divorce. When she was getting married, she didn't think it was going to end in divorce....ha!
Where did the beauty really get her and her four marriages? You may be able to fall in love with those looks, but the relationship won't necessarily last. It seems like there are a lot of guys (and gals) picking partners for the WRONG reasons.
True Love?
It amazes me how those 20-30 something beauty queens will marry those bald, wrinkled 60-70 year-old multimillionaires who only give them Shrinky Dinks to play with.
What misogynistic,
What misogynistic, repulsive, untrue crap. You think women need to 'shut up,' 'cover up' and conform to your standards? Oh, and they have to be entertaining, not 'a drag,' they can't take too much from you, no, and heaven forbid you'd have to treat them well. God, grow up.
Hoo Boy ...
I think the whole point of the article is that these are the types of women to avoid.
He does not say that we are all like that. That's the point, that there are so many great women out there, you just need to avoid the ones that will be problematic in your life.
It doesn't just apply to women, he was trying to find a way to show off the weird dolls he found. It can apply to men as well.
JMHO.
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