Evolves
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Evolves is an UMS game on the Korean orgy of strategy known as Starcraft. Use Map Settings, UMS, games are for overweight, acne-ridden American teens who fail when playing normal melee games against azn gosus and cannot afford games that do not run on their outdated Windows 98's which are barely held together by duct tape.
Opposed to the normal game, you do not require any concentration because your units automatically spawn and it is just a game of massing back & forth for at least 100 hours. This type of atmosphere attracts much drama and many lulz due to the fucktards who base their miserable lives around it.
Many players would like to tell you how much skill & concentration is required to play the game, but in reality, it just a guessing game where any one with a functioning mouse can win. Eventually, someone ends up overpowering their enemy and destroying their one building.
- Mass.
- Sit.
- Mass.
- Sit.
- Mass.
- Sit.
- Mass.
- ????
- PROFIT!1!!
Contents |
The Community
The Evolves community consists of faggots, Jews, niggers, and fail. For some strange reason, there exists moar than one clan which dedicates its time to this piece of shit. The members spend the majority of their time bitching on the forums opposed to actually playing the game itself. The admin's of these forums, being utter IRL failures, take pride in that fact they are able to manage a forum of 10 or less active members running on a free IPB hosting service.
Evolves Players
Irdnyme - This is your typical 12 year old, hobbit-like Evolves faggot. His hobbies include: alphabetizing channel logs, converting people to evolves faggotry, lurking on Evolves forums, and fapping to goatse.
DrEzZiC - A Jew who spends most of his time getting trolled and causing drama in the community. He is a niggardly faggot who is most likely going to OD last Thursday.
Sneaky - Quite possibly the biggest faggot to play the game Starcraft. His life-goals include hosting a few tournaments and making money off of playing Evolves, srsly. After taking it in the ass from Drezzic most of his Evolves "career", he managed to cock-tease Irdnyme into filling that large, gaping void that DrEzZiC had created previously. Being the faggot he is, Emy accepted and they have been passionate lovers ever since. He has recently been seen paying people to play his tournaments.
Evolves Clans
Clan SeX - Ironically, no one currently active in this clan has or ever will have sex. Their leader is some Puerto Rican guy. This clan also supports racism.
Clan EXO - This clan is full of fail and run by a Jew. The JEWS of the community tend to swindle their way to the top of pre-existing clan's and taking over.
Clan EvX - Jews, niggers, and your typical ugly fucking Starcraft player. Oh and, their leader is Broke[EvX], a known child rapist.
Clan EvO - This is the clan of 16 year old girls. All day in their channel, they spend time making stupid jokes that are only acknowledged by prepubescent boys and 39 year old rapists.
Evolves History
The history of Evolves is exactly like the present of Evolves except they actually played the game. There was a clan called EXO and a clan called EvO (How creative), that was it (there were probably other clans, but who gives a fuck?). Then, as ego's began to grow, somehow, moar & moar of these faggots began to succumb to their teenage angst and rebelled against their masters. They then formed new clans and watched their e-penis' begin to grow. Anyways, no one rly gives a flying-fuck about what these morons were doing 3 years ago.
The Forum War
With so many IRL losers & faggots around, there is bound to be conflict. Sneaky, took it upon himself to leave the old Evovles forum in an epic, over-romanticized fashion, thus further proving how big of a fucktard he is.
In the midst of this faggotry, a certain community troll took it upon himself to shutdown Sneaky's new forum, for lulz. In the most cliche' way possible, he took advantage of this new forum's administration's ignorance of security, and proceeded to post goatse, bestiality, and any other disturbing image he could think off, forcing the completely stupid admin's to turn the forum offline. This raid continued for a few days until they realized it was in fact possible to ban people.
The Result
Everyone decided it would be best to contain all of their collective fail to one forum. That's it.
Quotes
| —GoRiLLa[eVo], typical community e-thug encountering a troll. |
| —DrEzZiC[EvX], on how he frequents 4chan. |
| —astroz0]DM[], being a black racist. |
| —DrEzZiC[EvX]], being trolled. |
The Future
What does the future hold for Evolves? Absolutely nothing, it will most likely be wiped out of existence shortly, but then again, there will always be the few lingering members claiming that it isn't. With gamers like DrEzZiC, Imyndril, and Broke[EvX] running the forums of the community, it will be reduced to ruin & pure fail, but then again it has always been FAILcraft, amirite?
 |
Evolves is part of a series on Gaming. |
