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RE: Frank Talk on Gay Stereotypes
At 08:49 AM 19/03/1997 -0800, you wrote:
>I agree with what you said about
>gay men lacking self-respect. It's true, especially for those older ones.
>Pardon me,but we're talking about stereotyping :) I've experienced it
>several times. It seemed like they have no dignity, whatsoever. It's sad
>but it's true. ... I find it really disgustting and degrading, especially
>when a couple go out and look for another person to have a threesomes,
because
>they can't fire up their sex life. Does anyone feel the same way?
Aging and agism (ageism?) are rarely confronted frankly in the gay
community. Perhaps it's because "gay identity" itself is only a few decades
old. But, I suspect it's because we fear growing old ourselves and becoming
outcast and repulsive.
One aspect of aging which impacts relations between Asians and non-Asians is
the rice queen stereotype, which to me is mostly a disguise for agism. After
all, real colonial oppressors are a dying breed. I know many predatory
Asians to whom the label would better apply. But it is largely caucasians'
aging bodies that cause them to be typecast in this way. Are there aspects
of Asian cultures which are kinder and more forgiving to older men?
Absolutely, as evidenced by Japanese gay magazines and clubs dedicated to
fat businessmen or even Grandfather types. For many Westerners, Asian gay
venues are a haven of tolerance.
Another aspect of aging is that sexual tastes change. Things I never would
have considered doing when I was younger become appealing and exciting as I
mature. Gays (men in general, as some studies have suggested) are aroused by
"newness." It is a hard thing to admit, but we may often be chasing some
peak arrousal we experienced years before. Is it lack of self-respect that
makes older men desire younger guys or is it the celebration of their sexual
selves in full bloom? I often hear older men lament that "if I only knew
then what I know now."
The guy described in the original posting was obviously a jerk. But there
are jerks of all ages.
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