Just Say No?
Mending the mind with Clara

By Clara Young, M.A.

Dear Clara:
My son has been suffering from major depressive disorder for a long time and has been on many antidepressants, including Zoloft, Paxil, Effexor and Prozac, but none of them have worked. Instead, the side effects have been severe. Clearly the drugs are not working, but the psychiatrist insists on drugging him more. I'm tired of seeing my son suffer so much to no avail. Are there any other choices?

> Desperate, Joanne

Dear Joanne:
I've had patients with major depressive disorder who did not respond effectively to antidepressants, as well as patients who did not want to take medication. The same drug can have different effects on each person. What most people don't know is that drugs are not the only option. There have been breakthroughs in alternative mental health treatments. For depression, it's been proven that diet and exercise, as well as talk therapy, can have long-term effects in treating depression. I've also had patients use Chinese herbs and acupuncture to deal with depression and had enormous success. There's also research linking depression to nutrition and allergies to certain kinds of food. I would go online and input alternative mental health and gather as much information as possible. Attend workshops and groups who have dealt with similar problems and discover what options are available to you. Keep me posted on your progress. I'll also forward more information directly to you. Good luck.

Dear Clara:
I'm a Korean American adoptee raised by white parents. Most of my friends are not Korean, and they often make racial remarks and call me names like "chink," "nip" and "gook." I get very frustrated and mad, but I don't say anything. I don't know why it bothers me so much. But I'd like to know how to handle it better. Let me know if you have any ideas.

>Mad as hell, Arlene

Dear Arlene:
First of all, it’s natural that it bothers you when someone calls you racial slurs. It would bother anybody. You should definitely let your friends know that it is NOT all right with you, not to mention that it hurts your feelings. They are not only being insensitive but also racists. And by the way, why are these nasty people your friends? Perhaps you should find new ones who don’t resort to name calling for a hobby.

Unfortunately, you will run into racist people throughout your life. You can’t control other people’s behavior, but you can control how you react to them. Discover why events like this bother you so much. After all, they are just silly people, so why give them so much time and energy? If it bothers you beyond control, there’s probably underlying issues. You might have some unresolved feelings about being Korean or having white parents.

Take a closer look at your issues and try to address them. And when that happens, stupid people won’t bother you so much because your identity and self-esteem will be intact when racial names fly at you. Instead of wasting your energy being mad, work on yourself to be mentally and emotionally strong, and you’ll be able to deal with anything in life.

Clara Young, MA, is a 1.5 bilingual Korean American psychotherapist and consultant. Send your questions to “Dear Clara,” c/o KoreAm Journal, 17000 S. Vermont Ave. , Suite A, Gardena, CA 90247. Or e-mail Clara at yclara20@yahoo.com.

ILLUSTRATION CREDIT:
Illustration by Bob Lesaca