Fast Love
Mating … on speed
By Min Jung Kim
Can any of these men on the move catch the fancy of the women at this Click2Asia.com event in Los Angeles last February?
Even when you’re J. Lo, love does not come easily.
Nor does love move at the velocity of a bounced check,
Paris Hilton spam or the shake-it-like-a-Polaroid-pitcha
booty of the aforementioned Ms. Lopez. (Actually, there
are recorded incidents of love moving faster than all
that, but that involved tequila, a hot tub and lots
of Crisco. Not that I’m speaking from experience or
anything, mind you.)
As civilized and reasonably well-educated human beings,
you’d think we would know better. After all, there’s
a huge base of empirical and statistical evidence on
the subject of fast infatuation versus love and commitment.
We are already fully aware of the challenges of romance
and the unreal expectations associated with finding
a life partner and soul mate — someone you want to see
in bed the next morning, always and forever(!). The
notion of finding such a love within a condensed time
span of, say, the painful 98 minutes it took to watch
“Gigli,” seems absolutely absurd.
So compromise sets in and you begin to find comfort
in the notion that you can have fully satisfying relationships
without the bells and whistles, drama and swooning rapture
that Hollywood has spoon-fed generations for years.
If you’re like me, then the most intimate and expressive
display of affection between your parents involved one
parent picking the earwax out of the other’s head. And
honestly, that is kind of sweet in a totally gross-your-non-Korean-friends-out
kind of way.
If you’ve endured bad dates, suffered dreadful breakups
or taken out a restraining order, the notion of an arranged
marriage sounds pretty good (don’t tell my dad I said
that).
The single life begins to erode your self-esteem, especially
during major holidays or family events when you eschew
your married friends because they’ve become far too
smug. And even if they aren’t smug, you still don’t
want to talk to them because you want to hate them.
After all, they’ve completed the trek to relationship-land
while you’re still trying to figure out how to unfold
the map.
Last month I asked for your good wishes with my impending
speed dating adventure. Gaining more and more main street
cred, speed dating is a hosted event where 20 to 50
singles meet in three-to-five minute increments for
micro-dates held in a safe, well-lit and somewhat chaperoned
environment.
Even though yours truly had gone on three other dates
during the week previous to the event, I was quite nervous.
I tend to spill water, drop napkins and accidentally
fling appetizers across the room while on a single date.
How would I react to 20 blind dates? In the same room?
What if I saw someone I’d kissed or dissed before? What
if all the girls were way better micro-dates than me?
What if I farted and was forever known as the speed-dating
farter? What if…?
I arrived at the event with little more than a pocketful
of skepticism and a teaspoon of terror. (That and my
perfect poison-red lipstick that enticed Marco the bartender
to pour me free scotches all evening.) One of my gal
pals came along to play wing girl for the evening. Since
she already had a boyfriend who could be a CK underwear
model, her perspective of the evening was much like
her attitude toward D&D gaming: “What are you going
to wear? I think I want to be a meteorologist!”
That night, I found out the truth about speed dating:
it’s exhausting to remain in flirt-vibe “on” mode while
having to reintroduce yourself to 20 folks in succession.
In the end, you can only maintain that fresh sparkly
conversation for the first five to eight dates, and
then the remaining micro-dates get sloppy seconds in
terms of conversational liveliness. It’s also a mood
killer when you’re trying to throw out some flow, only
to have it interrupted by a power-tripping Love Gestapo
armed with a stopwatch and bullhorn.
Most everyone I met that night was polite, nice and
not terribly desperate smelling. If anything, they seemed
to be great people to see punk bands with and share
good times with, but there wasn’t anyone in particular
that I’d want to suck face with (I mean, without the
tequila, hot tub or Crisco). I’d still recommend it
for those who are so inclined, though I doubt I’ll delve
into that scene again anytime soon. After all, I think
I still have time to take things the Supremes way —
“You Can’t Hurry Love.” Beats J. Lo any day.
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