Please visit my my Live Journal.
| Hangin' out with Hugo Nominated Dr. Wu is one of the great things to do at a WorldCon. The only thing better is hangin' with both Dr. Wu and Ms. White - together they attract just about everyone, so you can sit in one place and meet everyone at a con.
Assuming you can get either of them to sit still long enough. RHole |
| The horrid thing Lori is describing is what I called a "squatty potty."
Frank FrankWu |
| Oh, btw GLouise, I got lucky and only had to use a Chinese-style toilet once. (A Chinese-style toilet is a trough in the floor. The better ones have water sluicing down them.) And you really should squat. The lower you can get, the better. Lori |
| A sustained burst of Chinglish:
Spicy Dried Fish Introduction Peculiar-flavour fish takes a non-pollution limn the only at home-Honghu wild fish in Hubei as material, is refined with the latest modern scientific Formula and nourishing crude drugs. Richly contains various vitamins. Can eat at once after removing the seal, promote secretion of body fluid and regulate the vital function of the stomach. A unique flavor and lasting aftertaste. Ingredients: Fish, salt, sugar, chilli, prickly ash, wolfberry, vegetable oil, cindiment & etc. Storage: Low temperature, Avoiding Sunlight, dampproof. law Lori |
| Thanks for the pics and the narratives, Lori! I'm enjoying the heck out of them! And I *am* jealous of all the Wu hang-time you get. :( Frank, you making it to WillyCon next time? [hopeful smile]
I've known a few Chinese who came over here to further their educations after receiving MDs etc. It's very strange to me, that a doctor--even a surgeon--can make less than a truck driver over there! I don't know how it is right now, but up to at least fairly recently, the government told you what you would study. I had a friend who would have been an ASTOUNDING surgeon, but the government made her study pharmacology instead. Ha ha, now she and her whole family are American citizens. [Pbbbbtttt! to the Chinese government!] |
| The color of a fish belly if the fish were named Milky White.
"Slotted spoons don't hold much soup." Or perhaps more appropriate in my case, "Sometimes I fear you're touched." -Linz Lindsey |
| Lori, the first picture on the Wudangshan page is just stunning ...
Lindsey, what color is a fish belly? *pictures a goldfish colored Lindsey* Rebekah |
| I did buy a bikini. I am the exact color of a fish belly in it, but I have one. If you're really lucky, I'll even wear it at Worldcon and blind you all. ;) Only if I get some kind of dibs on Wu hanging-out time, tho. (Sorry, Frank, it's just so fun to join in.)
Lori, such fab pictures! Next time, I am definitely coming as a roadie. I don't eat much; you only have to give me a few breakfast bars every now and again, and I'd promise to be really careful and not drop anything. -Linz Lindsey |
| You guys are just too sweet. Now knock it off.
F FrankWu |
| Jae--hanging out with Mr. Wu on a regular basis is one of the major perqs of living in the Bay Area and helps me live with the traffic, the congestion, and the cost of living. But remember, you, yourself will be hanging out with him in just one short month! Since I'm in a privileged position, I'll give you first dibs on Wu hangout time. Of course, you'll probably have to fight Linz for it. She bought a bikini, you know....
Why, Charlie, what are you doing here? GLouise, I was in a malaria zone. No donating blood for a year for me. :-( I didn't know captive shopping was a world-wide phenomenon, though I guess I should have. Funny, these stories make it seem like I've been to lots of exotic places, but I've only been to China. Canada and Cabo San Lucas don't count. Oh, and the Bahamas on a cruise with my sister, but I try to blot that out of my memory. law Lori |
| Lori, no, my dragon's a statuete about 12" high, made out of whatever they make them out of. It's too heavy for routine plastic, and the signs in some of the shops say soapstone, but I won't bet anything (and though interested, I don't really care). It's got a faux teak finish. The same molds are used for several color varieties, but this individual seemed to be the only one in this pose/size in Chinatown yesterday. Quite nice to look at, and cool to pet. I also got a small paper dragon puppet so I can hold a parade. Real cool.
Keep those stories coming!" RHole |
| Great pictures! Great Chinglish! And I'm a little envious that you get to hang out with Mr. Wu on a regular basis :-). Jae |
| Lori,
Thanks for the info--I've started a list of things to take with me. Chocolate, tp, cocoa, handi-wipes, chocolate, kleenex--that sort of thing. I was told I didn't need to get shots--you must have gone further afield that I'm going to go--but I will pack the bug spray. Not to get too personal, but how did you fare with the toilets? I understand you have to stand up. Many in my tour group will be older people--we'll do lots of walking but nothing terribly strenuous. The tour organizer is a retired Lutheran missionary and minister--he lived for many years in China before the non-Chinese missionaries were kicked out. He baptized our main tour guide (we have one for the whole tour and an additional one or more at each location). Toward the end of the tour, we're going to visit the school he established. So, the emphasis of the tour is cultural with a leaning toward the religious aspects of the various cultures we'll be seeing. I'm really looking forward to the talks we'll be hearing in Tibet. We'll be flying from city to city about half the time, and taking coaches the other half. China is a very big country. My brochure said tips were included in the package price, but there wasn't an explanation of how tipping works in China. I didn't know about not tipping the people we usually tip here. I did know, because it's a world-wide practice, that the guides would steer us to shops they have arrangements with, but as long as they are good shops with reasonable prices, I won't complain. An amusing aside--my brother and his fiance are also going on the tour. Only, it will be right after the wedding. That's right, I'm going on my brother's honeymoon. I'll be chuckling about that for years to come. (I signed up first--they signed up much later--so they knew darned well that I'd be there). Sorry this is so long--I'm excited and I got a bit carried away. GLouise |
| Bob, is it a kite?
I couldn't decide on today's installment. I was thinking about some of the other types of cultural exchange we had going beside Western vs. Eastern--namely, Italian vs. German-American--but I'll do that later. I think I'm going to talk about something that GLouise will probably run into: Captive Shopping or God and Sex and Tea Tipping is officially not allowed in China, and there are a lot of people you still don't tip--cab drivers, waiters, bellboys. But you're expected to tip your tour guides and drivers. I think being a tour guide can be a fairly lucrative business, as businesses in China go. It all depends on who you know, though. Our Beijing tour guide, Tiger, has a law degree and was a psychology professor during the Tiananmen Square student uprising. He had student in the square who he took food and water to, which can't have been the safest thing for him to be doing. So why does someone like Tiger, who is obviously a very sharp guy (non sequiturs notwithstanding), want to be a tour guide? Well, in China, doctors, lawyers, and professors don't make the kind of money they do here. The tips tour guides get can add up, depending on how long a tour is, how many people are on it, and how much like play money they consider yuan to be. A lot of people just dump their remaining currency on the guides instead of going through the hassle of changing it back. And there's one other perk guides get--they direct buses to specific shopping sites and get kickbacks on what the tourists spend there. Tiger took us to a jade carving place (where I did my part with my glowing sparklies), the aforementioned cloisonne factory, a pearl factory, and a silk shop. Bruce, our Henan Province guide, took us to a tea shop (where Evan, Tiffanie and Oliver decided on the Buddha tea and the Emperor's Favorite Concubine tea. They kept track of the types of tea they wanted by a simple mnemonic--God and sex and tea.). Tiger and Bruce both tried to hustle us along so we could make our site-seeing appointments in good time, but when we were at the shops they seemed quite content to let us browse at our leisure. And when we took an unscheduled stop at General Kwan's tomb (any of you who've read *any* of my novel will recognize this guy and why he's so important to martial artists) Bruce, who didn't have an arrangement with the vendors there, actively discouraged us from buying anything, saying he didn't trust them. Do I resent this? No, not really. Apparently Evan, whose mom is Chinese (and who proves that mixed-race marriages can produce men just as exotically beautiful as the women--but I digress) took an unscheduled trip with Tiger to track down an old house that belonged to his grandparents in Beijing. Tiger's grandmother lived about five minutes away, so they visited her as well. She has Alzheimers, and his aunt is busy taking care of her. They're being evicted by the government, which is buying up old housing to raise more low-income apartment buildings (at least the old housing that private concerns aren't buying to raise luxury condominiums) and while they did get 350,000 yuan for the apartment, it costs 290,000 yuan for a new car. I have no doubt that Tiger is helping them as much as he can. I don't resent it at all. law Lori |
| I'm with Frank - I hope you got to bed.
I also enjoyed the pictures, and also echo Frank's sentiments on those. I got my dragon. Bob RHole |
| Hey, Frank, thanks. There are more where those came from.
I fixed the one that shouldn't have been the monk with the spear in his throat. law Lori |
| Wow, Lori! Great pictures! Thanks! Excellent insects, cool poses, most wonderful scenery. Too marvelous. Now - go to bed.
F FrankWu |
| Me again. I pulled an all-nighter and got some pictures up.
http://home.pacbell.net/pbwriter/martial/martial.html I had to pull down the wedding pictures to do it. Aw, but that's old news, right? These may take a while to load. Sorry about that. I'm pretty rusty at this. law Lori |
| Bob, have fun. :-) I got a little dragon kite for my nephew that--dippy me--I didn't notice needed some dental work, so I have to fix it up a bit before I ship it to him (I need to carve some new teeth from styrofoam).
The swimming hole. I had the honor of hanging out with the Hugo-nominated artist Frank Wu tonight, and I told him about the swimming hole, so it's fresh in my mind. A lot of things are fresh in my mind--I'm trying to keep them that way. I don't want to let this trip go. In some ways it was so much better than real life.... Anyway, we were at the hotel on Wudangshan (Wudang Mountain). Everybody just loved that place. It's called "Taizi Cultivation Hall," and it's in a beautiful setting in the mountains. After a week of busting our fannies on hard-style sets, getting dumped on concrete during sparring exercises, and getting stuck with hard berths on the train (which meant, for us, 11 hours in a stifling railway car with no AC, in temperatures up to 100 degrees and humidity in the 90% range), we considered the stay at Wudangshan to be the reward for our hard work. Our travel karma was finally coming around. Let me share with you from the hotel brochure: "Located in the prince Slope on the halfway of the Wudang Mountains, Taizi Cultivation Center is an ideal site for people to cultivate themselves. Kept typical Ming and Qing style outside, all the building are decorated on the base of the ancient rooms used by Daoist Priests in the temple, and equipped with modern equipment, such as air conditioners, TV sets, and phones. Actually it is a special average hotel." *Very* special average. Though my room didn't have a phone, and I had no desire to watch TV (some did, and had a grand time. But I missed out on that particular form of cultural exchange, except for once, with the masseuse--but that will have to wait.) In Dengfeng we had practiced for a few hours each morning and afternoon. In Wudang it was so hot and humid that our afternoon practice didn't even begin until four or five. That left us with much of the afternoon to explore (that didn't last long) or nap (I always intended to, since I wasn't getting much sleep, but I was always afraid I'd miss something) or hang out and BS, which a surprising number of people did. We'd all gather in a breezeway and talk and eat the bad ice cream and fan ourselves with the fans we bought from the little gift shop in the LongHu (DragonTiger) hall. Sometimes some of the hotel staff would join us and try to converse. One woman had a six month old baby boy she loved to show off. The more ambitious of us would play games. This particular afternoon the game was Yahtzee, and I wasn't partaking--I had my little digital camera out to take pictures of the baby. Another one of the staff came through--a middle-aged guy in a grubby white shirt and a towel over his shoulders. I don't know how he got focused on Zach (the one non-Bermudan kid), but he did, and dragged Zach away from the Yahtzee table (where, I later learned, he had a proclivity for flipping dice over *after* he rolled them). Then he motioned to me to follow, and led us out of the breezeway and into the courtyard. Two of the Bermudan boys, Anwar and Dijonne, joined us, and Marlene, the wife of the Bermudan Sifu, Dave. Oliver somehow ended up with us as well. The guy motioned us along--he seemed to want me because of the camera. He may have thought I was Zach's mom--I don't know. He led us down the 180 steps that led down to the road (and that none of us had been very happy about climbing to get to the hotel in the first place--stairs and China just seem to go together). Then he led us down the road a few hundred feet. Then he led us over the side and down a fairly steep hill to the bottom of a ravine. Marlene gave up at the road, but since Oliver and I were the responsible adults--well, since I was--well, anyway, the rest of us followed him down for several hundred feet. Every once in a while he would turn around and make dog-paddling motions with his hands. Oliver made some comments about what would happen to the five friends of this guy who were probably waiting for us down at the bottom, but he was just full of it. I wasn't worried. When we got to the bottom we discovered a lovely, peaceful little swimming hole. Our guide (who turned out to be the hotel cook) made more dog-paddling motions and gestured at the water. The surroundings were beautiful, but the water was not, so we just waded around a bit. Another man who was there started pulling freshwater crabs from under rocks and tossing them at us. I got several pictures of them. The boys skipped rocks and teased each other, and I took lots of pictures. There were a lot of wild walnut trees in the region, and the other Chinese guy found a few on the ground and smashed them open with a rock. He shared with us. They were very good. And then--ah, and then we had to climb back out. :-) law Lori |
| I'm so jealous, I'm taking my own trip tomorrow. I'm going to China(town) to buy a dragon. RHole |
| GLouise, don't kid yourself. The most important amenity of civilization in China is toilet paper.
But that's a good point. Take your own chocolate. I got Gary a bar of Chinese chocolate (it was "Golden Monkey" brand but I thought it said "Olden Monkey" on the label and thus decided that it was meant for him) and the stuff tasted a bit lacking in the chocolate department. Take other munchies as well. You may get tired of the food and want little bites of home occasionally. You can also use snacks to win friends and influence people. I took Lifesavers; they don't melt and they're easy to carry. The kids from Bermuda are now my friends. Since we were working out we took things like Power Bars and powdered Gatorade. I don't know how much walking you'll be doing, or how little air conditioning you'll have available (the trip being in the fall will help, too) but we got disgustingly soggy pretty much every day--even when just sightseeing--so the Gatorade might be a good idea. And I'm serious about the toilet paper. I took some of the little individual packages of Kleenex. They worked well--easy to carry in a fanny pack, sealed for my protection. I have a bunch left. I should just ship them to you. If you want to you can take little tchochkes for gifts for guides and such. I hate to say it, but packages of cigarettes usually go over well, or nice pens. Depending on how far out in the boonies you go, if you take a Polaroid you can take pictures of people and then give them the pictures. In Beijing you'd just get weird looks, but in some areas they will have never seen pictures of themselves before. Evan, one of the guys in my tour, had a smaller version of a Polaroid that took little pictures and was much easier to carry. I can find out the name for you if you want. Bug spray. Get your shots. Be really careful about the water. Don't use ice cubes or eat fresh fruit or vegetables unless they've got a rind. Immodium. Wet wipes and anti-bacterial hand cleanser were big with folks, though I thought that was overkill. A sense of humor. You're probably travelling by train, mostly. Right? Silk Road and Tibet. Wow. I haven't been to any of those places except Beijing and Hong Kong. I've been close to Xian, but-- Next trip. :-) law Lori |
| Lori,
Sounds like you had major fun! I hope I have even a fraction of the fun you had. My itinerary: Beijing, Urumqi, Turpan, Urumqi, Kashgar, Urumqi, Dunhuang, Xian, Lhasa, Xigaze, Lhasa, Chendu, Hong Kong. Whew! That's a lotta places. It's a Silk Road and Tibet tour. So, were you able to find the most important amenities of civilization in China--you know, chocolate? I can't go eighteen days without chocolate. GLouise |
| Lori, the stories are great. Change the names if you have to.
That shirt: Sounds like it's club med - plenty drinks, sailboats, international staff, personal sence, exclusive, excitement and actions? But are the words in Chinese or in Chinglish? (just curious). And I agree with others - you're a great storyteller. If you can't turn it into a travel article, you could tweak it and make it a great fantasy or SF story. Bob RHole |
| Hey, guys. Sorry it's taken so long for today's installment--I'm feeling kinda under the weather today. Nothing too bad. I've had a pretty bizarre schedule this week that's made getting back on track with my sleep pretty hard, and my stomach's giving me some problems. Must be this rich western food. :-)
I'm wearing one of my funky Chinese t-shirts. It's got a very nice graphic design and a bunch of words that don't make any sense at all. Let's see, while I read my chest upside-down.... "Exclusive & Special Plenthy Spirits" repeats in gray letters in a box around the main design, which is a line drawing of a sailboat with various dotted lines and arcs, all on a gray sea. There's a bunch of tiny yellow words I can't read, then another paragraph of larger gray letters--"Perfect Actions Excitement Staff International/ Always Active Exclusive and Special Plenty Spirits/ Personal Sence Natural Reputation." Any takers on interpreting this? An article might be fun, but I'd have to change some names to protect the guilty. I've only mentioned Athos really; I haven't even gotten to the Wisconsin cult or the two terrors from Bermuda. I've been thinking I should also mention some stuff about the training. That's one of the big reasons we went, after all. Always leave 'em wanting more-- law Lori |
| Okay, okay. Hot tub, swimming hole -- hey, they both need bikinis, right?
I think Jae's got a good idea there though, Lori. You're already writing up your trip anyway, for us. If you can edit it into an article and sell it a travel magazine, you could conceivably take the cost of the trip off your taxes as a business expense. Or am I mistaken about that? In any case, just prove I'm not all about the gutter, dare I ask: do you have any martial arts stories from your trip? Charlie Finlay |
| Hey Lori -- I'll listen to whatever stories you want to tell; I'm not picky. It sounds like so much fun, I wish I could have gone with you. Of course, I would have just watched all the Kung Fu stuff, but I could have been your roadie! Darn that I didn't think of that before. "I'm with the martial artists: I'm the roadie." Perfect. Remind me about that next time.
-Linz Lindsey |
| I didn't mean to neglect our celestial hostess in my previous post.
Lori - I don't require just the hot tubs stories - all of these are great and I'm enjoying them. I'm really impressed by all the things you managed to see in a short time and the way you tell it makes it even more interesting. You should write an article about this and sell it to Conde Nast. Seriously. Jae |
| Why yes, I did get a bikini. I made it out of the consonants Charlie gave me. Maybe I'll bring it Worldcon. :-) And I don't squirm with anticipation. I sit very still acting breathless and eager.
Lori - my mind isn't quite as far in the gutter as some of your other fans (which isn't saying much). I was thinking something along the lines of finding the hot tub in a vacant lot full of...{insert favorite substance/furry critter here}. Jae |
| On a completely different tack (what else?) it was interesting to hear the spins put on certain topics by our translator. I am convinced he helped us as much and told us as much as he could, but of course he had constraints. For example, the communist government has erected the Great Firewall of China mainly to protect children from pornography.
There's also a phenomenon Oliver (of hot tub fame) dubbed "conversational divide by zero." One time I was discussing an issue with our translator that he either didn't understand or didn't want to comment on (the horrible conditions in a cloisonne factory we visited; as Oliver put it, OSHA should just shut China down) and he suddenly asked if I'd ever had Peking duck. Then he left. It was a total non-sequitur and quite startling. People who are less experienced than Tiger (like Merlin--or Tony--he hasn't decided on an English name yet) just clam up and stare at you until you change the subject. Tiger warned me not to talk politics with Merlin/Tony, but M/T seemed quite happy to listen to me talk about the US. law Lori |
| Lori: ... and Clinton (just like all other politicians) is still a joke over here. (He's too far to the right for my comfort.)
Hot Tub! Hot Tub! Hot Tub! Jae: Didn't you mention a new bikini a while back? Care to model it here? I'm sure Lori won't mind if you try out the hot tub! Terry: Darn. Just shows my dirty mind. But then, are you surprised? Charlie: The suspense is terrific. I hope it lasts. Jaws |
| Hmmm. The longer you put off the hot tub story, the more Jae will squirm... maybe you should save it for next week.
Swimming hole! Charlie Finlay |
| Jaws: the movie in question was NOT of the XXX variety. Perfectly mainstream. |
| Hot tub, huh? Okay, but it's another one that doesn't turn out quite the way you might think...which is par for the course for China, come to think of it.
But it'll have to wait a bit. I dumped Gary off at the airport this morning at 6 (he's going to see family in Indiana for two weeks), went back home, laid down for a little while, and woke up at 10:30. Bit late to work, there. I'm going to try to get some pictures up this weekend. BTW, they're still telling Clinton jokes over there. law Lori |
| Hot tub please!
Terry - pass me some of that popcorn. Jae |
| I'm not sure how much to say about the horny Italian and the hooker, since it's not about me and some of it is second-hand. There's a bar in the basement of the Beijing hotel, right next to the bowling alley with the defective pin setting machine that would pick up spares for us, and several girls worked out of it. (The bar, not the bowling alley.)
The first night in Beijing, after we finished dancing up a storm to an amazingly good cover band at the Hard Rock Cafe (where some people got a little too orgasmic over cheeseburgers, but there's no accounting for taste), our questing Italian and his roommate Solomon (who should have been wiser) finished out the evening at the aforementioned bar and noticed the ladies. A really cute little thing calling herself Miao Miao (swear to God) caught his eye and he began to question her as to specifics of the business deal. She doesn't speak much English (neither does he, for that matter) but he managed to stretch his Mandarin to the point where he was asking if he would be able to make love to her (with suitable hand gestures to help him get his point across). "Maybe," she said. "How much for 'Maybe'?" I never heard the final total. But I did go to the bar the next night to lend moral support--Miao Miao decided that he was her next big customer and was going after him with everything she had, when he'd decided to remain true to his girlfriend in Italy. He's really a sweet boy in many ways. Managed to get in a little free necking, though, from all accounts. Besides, I wanted to see Hung Gar Woman--that was the nickname given to the woman who essentially mentored all the girls--Miao Miao said they all call her Mom. The guys called her Hung Gar Woman because she looks really strong and Hung Gar is a martial arts style known for its, um, beefy practicioners. The guys wanted me to challenge her to an arm wrestling match, but I declined. She smiled at me a lot. I got the feeling she might have been available for a different kind of wrestling. The last night in Beijing Miao Miao had moved on to another sucker--ah, potential client, but she still managed to ruffle Athos' hair on the way by. And a few other things, no doubt. That's the story of our Italian and the hooker. Not the expected ending, but entertaining--at least to those who witnessed it. Listening to the poor guy say, "Ohmigod," every time she plopped into his lap and did a little strategic shifting was too funny. Cruel, but he asked for it. Whether he thinks he did or not. So what's next? The massage, or the swimming hole? Or the aborted attempt to go hot tubbing with Oliver? law Lori |
| You don't think I'm going to answer either of those questions in public, do you? Jaws |
| ...and that...really...turns you on, doesn't it?
(Anybody venture a guess as to what movie that line is from?) |
| Lori Croft is much more dangerous than Lara Croft… because Lori Croft actually knows what she's doing with those pointy metal things. John Savage |
| Huh. And I haven't even gotten to the neighborhood swimming hole yet ("the neighborhood" being a remote mountainous area in central China).
I got a new nickname there. Lori Croft. I think I like it.... law Lori |
| "Loriherazade"!! Perfect! Me too, Im all settled into the beanbag chair with my popcorn. China Stories! China Stories! |
| See! Now you've got us madly awaiting two stories.
I'll just cozy up to the campfire, Loriherazade, and listen to whichever one you want to tell first... Charlie Finlay |
| GLouise, it depends on where you're going and what you're going to be doing.
Do you have your itinerary yet? Charlie, I thought I'm supposed to tell about the little masseuse first. The one who walked on me. (And kicked me, and kneed me, and left bruises....) law Lori |
| Lori,
Your trip sounds fantastic. I'm going in October (but with Lutherans, rather than martial artists) and I'm really looking forward to it. Any recommendations? Anything you wish you'd brought with you, or wish you hadn't brought with you? GLouise |
| Notice how skillfully she's mastered the art of the storytelling hook: she's given us today's tale about No Place Like Bermuda while keeping us on the edge of our seat waiting for details about the Horny Italian and the Chinese Hooker.
I bet she'll tell us something else for Thursday too and then we'll have to come back again! Devious, just devious. One of those black belts of hers must be an old typewriter ribbon. Charlie Finlay |
| So when we start to see pictures from Beijing of Chinese with dreads, we'll know who to blame? [g] |
| The latter, of course. I don't think anyone could confuse Athos with a hooker.
Terry--sure, we brought weapons in, so long as they were checked. Heck, some of the people brought hard-sided golf cases strictly to transport weapons. Other bought duffel bags there and stuffed them with swords. The Bermudans taped a bunch of spears and staffs together and took them home. We pretty much cleaned out Shaolin single-handedly. Well, thirty--sixty-handedly. You know what I mean. Oh, about the Bermudans--when we first flew into Beijing and presented our passports, they held up poor Jecoa (think a black Samo Hung) because they had never heard of Bermuda before. They passed his passport around, found somebody who knew a little English, and asked, "Where is Bermuda?" They all got in. Even Chevauygn, who is totally Rasta and has dreads and everything. The dreads were quite the attraction. Lots of people asked to take his picture. law Lori |
| Lori - whether the weapons or the hooker were dumber depends on what "mixed up with" means - confused for, or association with? If the later - that's WAY dumber. |
| Welcome back, Lori, if I haven't chimed in before. I'm loving your stories! I'm thinking I should make my hubby go through our house with me and name the rooms. Cool! And Chinglish, those are prime! I hope you'll post a photo of your sparklies!
They let you back into the States with weapons (even ornamental ones) in your baggage??? |
| Hey, Jae--
Sometimes it was more like an unorganized tour, but yeah. I went with a group of crazy martial artists and we had way too much fun. Let's see...more of my favorite Chinglish...the revolving door at the hotel in Dengfeng was a "whirldoor." "Please use whirldoor." I love that. I do know I'm very lucky. My teacher is a wonderful person who puts himself through a lot of crap to make sure we have a good time and get good instruction. Let's see, masseuse or something shorter? The massage story is fairly long; maybe I'll save that for when I have a bit more time. For now I think I'll 'fess up for pulling one of the two dumbest stunts on the trip. I took a duffel bag to put souvenirs in. I intended it to be carry-on, so I could do a little inventory when it came time to fill out the customs form. Our first stop was the weapons shop at the Shaolin wushu guan (martial arts school). Most people bought big stuff--swords, sword canes, big knives, stuff like that. I bought little stuff--a couple of really cool throwing darts, some old-fashioned throwing knives, and a practice fighting fan. I put them in a little sack in my duffel and forgot all about them. So I'm going through security in the airport before boarding the plan for home, and my duffel gets hauled out for searching. Whoops, I think. I have blown it now. Chinese jail, here I come. But they were really very nice. They let me keep my stuff--I just had to go back and check the bag. The translator was gone by then and Sifu hadn't made the security line, so there was no one to interpret, but I think they understood what we were. So which is a dumber stunt? That, or our Italian tour member getting mixed up with a hooker? law Lori |
| Welcome back Lori. Am so jealous. In June I finished a novel that takes place in parallel China. Really wish I could afford a "research" trip. Glad you had a great time. S.N.Arly |
| These stories are great Lori - the Chinglish makes me giggle helplessly. I take it you went with an organized tour? Jae |
| Yeah Lori!
I know I'm late welcoming you back, but welcome back anyway. The trip sounds wonderful, and like Linz, I can't wait to see the sparklies. And having to check back every day for stories would be fun. RHole |
| Lori!
I love the uncomplimentary presents. I swear I get a couple of those every birthday. That's wild about Solomon. One degree of separation from someone in more or less my own neighborhood by way of a remote retreat in China. Hail the internet! I'll email you about him. Can't wait to hear about the little masseuse. Bet if you dole the stories out slowly enough, they'll last all the way to Worldcon. :-) Charlie Finlay |
| Charlie!
It was a *great* trip. We were bad, though, and spent way too much time collecting Chinglish (no offense intended to anybody, but what else can you call it?). My favorite was in the hotel in Beijing--a little packet of bath oil beads that cost 16 yuan (about 2 bucks). To make sure we knew it wasn't free, it had a little sign on it that said, "Uncomplimentary." There was also a "Not gift" and an "Unpresent." Plus I had to turn the menu right side up outside the Western-style restaurant. There are more. Many, many more. (In case of fire, don't be elevator.) Charlie! (redux) Solomon, one of our tour members, is from Columbus. He grew up about a mile from your neighborhood and now he lives on Stockbridge, if that rings a bell. He's a real sweetie and has a little boy a year older than Fin. What's the name of the school you take your kids to? Next installment--the little masseuse who walked on my back. law Lori |
| Lori!
Someone dastardly tried to get people to spill embarassing stories about you in here, but nobody rose to the bait. So you have great friends. Or else they were afraid of the circling shark. You know some of those tourists are sure to go home with the story that, in these really remote Chinese villager, there are natives who look so much like Europeans it's eerie. I know one couple who named all the rooms in their house in the manner of the hotel you stayed at, and it occurs to me that every home could use a spot called "Complete Harmony." (The only one that I remember from their house is the library, called "Nepal" because it was on the side right next to Tibet Street.) Anyway, welcome back! It sounds like a great, great trip. Charlie Finlay |
| No no no, predictable only in that we enjoy a similar taste in sparklies. Or at least that we both enjoy sparklies, I'm not sure. I know *I* couldn't go to a foreign country as nifty as China and not buy some sort of terrifically expensive jade jewelry. It'd be like going to Italy and not buying shoes. ;)
-Linz Lindsey |
| Hey, cutie--
Taking bets on the jewelry I'd buy, were you? I don't suppose I can be miffed--it's my own damned fault that I'm totally predictable. Thomas, you should try to go some time. It was wonderful. Wudangshan is incredibly beautiful, and tough enough to get to that it's not too touristy yet. We got there at about midnight after an 11-hour train ride in 100-degree heat and 90%-plus humidity, then took a bus up a steep, windy mountain road that had Brandon (one of my tour mates) saying, "I know we're in grave danger, but strangely I'm not nervous." He's pretty funny. We couldn't see a bit of the scenery--too dark. But we ended up at a Taoist temple where a couple of the buildings had been turned into a little hotel, and it was just wonderful. The rooms had names like "Whispering Pines" and "Purple Clouds." I stayed in "Complete Harmony." When I got up the next morning, I met another tour group member, Oliver, in the courtyard and he said, "We woke up in a postcard." He was right. That's where we studied Tai Chi and the tourists took pictures of *us.* I want to go back. law Lori |
| Aha! I knew it would be jade. I can't wait to see it. Seriously, I'd call or something to welcome you home, but I know you're bombarded and all -- I'll wait till you're more settled in. Hope those bruises heal up quick, and let you get re-nestled into your fog bank. Talk to you soon,
-Linz Lindsey |
| Man I envy you. I'd love to go to China. I've studied it probably since I was like twelve. (Although I'd love to go anywhere, I've never been out of the country & only once out of the region) Thomas R |
| BTW, the Chinese take on pizza seems much like the East Anglian take on Greek-influenced pizza: fried egg, corn, and capers. Jaws |
| [counts out a fiver for Linz]
You were right--it was jade. That's the sparkly-thingy we were referring to. Jaws |
| Whew. I realize it's no longer morning, but I feel like I still haven't had enough sleep. Jet lag, here I come.
My trip was pretty darned amazing. But it's so hard to know where to start--so much happened. When you go some place where *you* are the tourist attraction the trip has gone a bit beyond the "I climbed the Great Wall" t-shirt stage. Let's see--the training was tough (though the bruises are fading), the food was interesting (though I didn't go to the dog restaurant--raccoon was weird enough. And the Chinese take on pizza is pretty fun--anybody for pepperoni, corn, and pea pizza?), the scenery was amazing (yes, Jaws, pictures. Soon.), the temples were beautiful, the people were very sweet--except when they weren't ("You buy this. You American. You can afford it." Swear to God.), the travel was--an education (anyone for an 11-hour train ride in 100 degree heat and 90% humidity?) and I had a great time. I'm not exactly sure what these sparklies are, though I *did* spend waaay too much on a jade bangle bracelet. I've always wanted one but my hands are too big and I never found one that I could get on before. But it doesn't really sparkle. It glows. I have 90 emails that I fell asleep before I could answer last night, so I'll be back soon. Feel free to nosh on the pizza, and the fish is really good but be careful of the bones. I laid in a supply of bottled water, fake coke, and fake sprite, but they're not cold and you shouldn't use the ice. Do not drink out of the tap unless you want to monopolize the restroom--speaking of which, I hope you brought your own paper. At least it's western-style. More soon..... law Lori |
| Pictures. Now.
Any questions? Jaws |
| Woo-hoo!! (tosses sparkley confetti in the air). Welcome back Lori! I can't wait to hear all about your trip. Jae |
| Lori's back! Everyone, quick, put up the streamers and balloons! Hey Lori! Good to see you! (Show me those sparklies when you get the chance.)
-Linz Lindsey |
| Hey - Law! Welcome back!!! Yeah! How was your trip?
F FrankWu |
| Hey, everybody! I'm back. Please, please, make yourselves at home, and I'll be back in the morning when I've had a little sleep.
law Lori |
| A big fierce red dragon that likes lace. RHole |
| I think she would go for dragon, too. Lori, I hope that you enjoy the party in your topic that has happened here without you. This is just our way of saying how much we've missed you.
Hmm Hilary |
| Walkuere are Tutonic, not Norse. Jaws |
| It's true Lori could be anything she wants -- but I think if she were here to argue, she'd argue for dragon. And then she'd roll her eyes and say "You guys!" ;)
-Linz Lindsey |
| Jaws: Since the Vikings are, I believe, the source for the red-haired people among predominantly darker groups like the Welsh and Irish, can't their supernatural beings also sometimes be redheaded? Lenora Rose |
| Mmmmm.... brainy redheads.... Sean K |
| Jaws, I'll disagree only slightly - Lori could be anything she darn well pleases. And she probably is. RHole |
| Not a chance, Michael. Fortunately for those of us who appreciate brainy redheads, Lori is not blonde enough to be a Walkuere. Jaws |
| There is considerable historical evidence which suggests the widespread popularity of chain-mail bikinis in many ancient military cultures.
Of course, this same evidence suggests that a race of aluminum waterfowl plot the conquest of Loch Ness from a secret ball-park hidden far below the UFO hangars of Area 51, but who are we to evaluate good cover art? So bring on the little armor! It's all about historical accuracy. (shuffles airline tickets and suitcase full of disguises) Now when does Lori get back to the States? Mysterio the Un-Decapitated |
| I was sorely tempted to comment that in the case of "a little armor," the littler it is, the better...but then I noticed the sword.
Charlie Finlay |
| I've been BAD...very very bad... FrankT |
|
Woah -- Lori could be a part-time Valkyrie. A little armor, a pair of wings... Michael Greenhut |
| Are you sure, Frank? You might want to take a look at Lori with a sword first... Jaws |
| Oooh, chastise me! FrankT |
| Sparklies from China, sharp pointy things, grace, charm, beauty, the ability to kick serious butt -- all are part of a larger plot to do some insane boogie-ing come Worldcon. Other plots are a-foot, and may or may not have to do with the extreme sparklie that she bought at Baycon. When the Celestial LAW returns, I'm sure we'll all be enlightened.
Or, perhaps, severely chastised. Whichever. -Linz Lindsey |
| Ah- but then that might explain the sparklies from China.... RHole |
| Ah- but then that might explain the sparklies from China.... RHole |
| Rumors, heck Charlie. I've seen her wield large metal-bladed weapons. She's good, she's fast, and she's elegant. Which adds up to dangerous if she wants to be.
Not as dangerous as Frank during a hair-fight with his jacket on (it blinds his opponent). RHole |
| Ah, the whole picture begins to come together now.
What I've heard is that she plans to have the sparklies surgically implanted under her skin, just like the stainless steel balls you see some hardcore piercers doing. Under the glittering light of the disco ball, these subdermal decorations will catch the light in such a way as to give her the appearance of wearing, well, more than she might be, and in the process creating a sense of wonder and confusion that will give her the decisive advantage in the hair wars. Not quite sure where the large bladed weapons come into all of this yet, but am keeping my ears open for interesting rumors. Charlie Finlay |
| I have seen the pictures on John's website. They are not for the faint of heart ;-).
Perhaps LAW craves ancient Chinese sparklies so that she can match the flash of Frank's fantabulous jacket. Perhaps she seeks the secret of how to turn the jacket into a third weapon for whapping the unsuspected. Either way, I hope she has a smashing time and comes back to tell us all about it. Jae |
| I don't just have photographs: I have posted them on my website. Lori and Frank have indeed been in the same location, even having Hair Wars.
Lori has also been known to carry around large metal sword-like objects, presumably for whapping the suspecting. Perhaps we should get her into a new career: Samurai Technicalwriter! Oops. Wrong East Asian country. But it's an interesting possibility... John Savage |
| Lori has been known to whap the unsuspecting with large foam sword-like objects, so perhaps it is best she can't read this at this time. Besides, her secret mission is to buy herself sparklies and smuggle them into her jewelry case without her S.O. being aware. (Well, that's one of them. The others I'm not at liberty to say.;))
-Linz Lindsey |
| I hope you aren't planning to leave out Frank's flashy dance floor jacket. It's obviously some kind of weird biotech product. Probably full of listening devices and thought transcribers. Unfortunately its appearance is so striking that all it's likely to hear is, "Whoa! Now THAT'S a jacket!!!"
Lori will no doubt be bringing home ancient Chinese cleaning secrets with which to clean Frank's jacket. But she'll make him pay, oh yes. I just hope she has a kick-ass time while she's over there. |
| Aha, Sean. I had my suspicions.
So apparently you've heard that she's really on a secret mission to China, with a plan to liberate Chinese fantastic literature and settings, smuggle them abroad in her head, and then naturalize them as American SF. Word on the street is that it involves wearing dark clothes, running around at night, and Frank Wu's hair. But that's just a rumor. I'll have to keep my ears open and see if I can't hear something more amusing. And I sure hope Lori can't read this while she's gone -- that would take all the fun out of it. Charlie Finlay |
| I've seen LAW hanging out with Frank Wu. I can provide first-hand testimony in court if you need it. However, I believe that Rebecca I-P has photographic proof...
Will Lori be reading all this while she's in China? Will she get my request to send me a postcard? And will her China trip help her finish her book. I want to see it on the bookshelves! Sean K |
| LOL Laurie Tom |
| Okay, everybody -- Lori's in China, so let's talk about her behind her back while she's gone!
I've heard that she hangs out with that notorious artist and hair fetishist, Frank Wu. Charlie Finlay |
| Good grief. Sorry about that, Lori. |
| Nope. Didn't work. Oh, well.
law Lori |
| :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
Thanks, everybody. I'm hoping this post will rescue me from the nether regions. law Lori |
| Lo-Ri! Lo-Ri! Lo-Ri! Whoo hooo!! Congrats! Can't wait to read it!!
Kelly |
| Lo-Ri! Lo-Ri! Lo-Ri! Whoo hooo!! Congrats! Can't wait to read it!!
Kelly |
| Lo-Ri! Lo-Ri! Lo-Ri! Whoo hooo!! Congrats!
Kelly |
