Animu
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Animu (sometimes called Japanimation, among other things including "crap", "foreign shit", "turn it off now, Billy-Bob so I can rape you till you bleed", "I remember when cartoons weren't all about half-cat androids who shoot magical beams of fire at ball-inhabiting ninja teenage girls from the moon.") also known as "Annie May" is the form of animation originating from Japan called "Animation". What makes it different from Hentai is that usually everyone keeps their cloths on. The main rule in creating a new animu is that the central plot must be fucked up in some strange weed inspired way. Animu is the number two cause of Furry tendencies, the first being Animaniacs. You will always find catgirls, bunnygirls, doggirls, piggirls or some other shit - always scantily-clothed and submissive and longing for a butt sex. There are NO male anthros - even if they do they play a role as expendable side characters nobody ever remembers soon later (such shit anyway you fucking furrys!)
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[edit] History
Animu was created by the Devil as a tool for creating internet pedophiles. That his dark majesty succeeded at this horrible task is testimony to the total depravity of sin into which this planet has fallen. Once the Japanese got hold of animu technology in World War II, there was no stopping it. Now, thanks to the Interbutts, legions of kid-diddling male mouth-breathers walk the malls and school corridors of America, looking from beneath sweat-soaked cat ears to make your sweet little Suzie or Jamal part of their sick 2-D sexual scenario. And it's even worse in Japan, where animu has mutated into the nightmare of moe, in which grown men now pine for tiny girls with no tits the way their dads used to fap to Ursula Andress or Raquel Welch. Gross.
Though a common misconception, the first animu was not Astro-Boy; it was simply the first animu brought to North America. Astro Boy is the story of a young robot boy in a black rubber diaper and no other clothing, making him the gheyest super hero EVAR!! The plot is hugely reminiscent of Megaman, except that instead of trying to take over the world, the 'Dr. Wily' character just wants to make Astroboy his son, and rename him 'Toby'. Much robo-gayness ensues.
The actual 'first animu' was Iron Man #28 (which is why so many mecha are in animu... it started with them.), and was created in the early 60's, thanks to the influence of the cartoons like Betty Boop (and possibly a lot of acid) the Americans brought with them after nuking Japan. Yes, this means that we (and Betty Boop) are responsible for the odd dinner plate-eye drawing style of animu, as they were basically only trying to copy us at the time. Of course, that tentacle and rape and flaming penis stuff is all their idea, so keep blaming them for that. In the 1980s and 1990s, animu began to become popular in America, although mostly underground (popular and underground - a contradiction that illustrates how absurd the use of the word underground has become).
[edit] The "Artform"
Animu is often praised for its artistry and the high quality of the animation. It is often bagged for its incredibly convoluted and constantly repeated story lines (erroneously called "plots"), its high amount of violence, sex (including tentacle rape) and foreign values (like animal rights, sportsmanship, self-respect and filial duty), and its tendency to cause epileptic attacks in small children. Animu plots are often far-fetched, contrived and repetitive, quickly becoming boring and the "humor" quickly becoming unfunny to anyone who is not a brainwashed Otaku with negative IQ. Animu boys are usually very skinny and effeminate (but with uber-fighting skills) with dumb emo plot issues, or are very muscular and ugly (Japs seem to think they are the toughest street gangstas in the world). Animu girls are usually busty, White-looking, over-emotional and have eardrum-shattering high-pitched pre-adolescent voices because Japs whack off to the of the voices of little girls. Or the girls have a "deep voice" (what would be a normal adult female speaking voice in America) and have a dark, mysterious past or some shit.
More recent animus are even gayer and have characters with eyes that literally take up more than half of their face. Of course, in typical animu, everyone can jump 50 feet in the air and punch through solid concrete-reinforced steel or swipe a sword hard enough to create a tornado like Japs wish they could do in real life.
Despite the fact that most animus are supposed to take place in Japan, most animu characters look completely or almost completely White. This is because Japs hate the way they look and desperately desire to look like White people. The bad guys are usually ugly and recognizably Asian or look like skinny bishounen but are still uber-powerful. Other Asian peeps that Japs don't like (like Koreans and Chinese) look Asian, wear stereotypical traditional clothing, and are usually bad guys or fugly.
Black people rarely exist in animu, and when they do, they usually look like a racist cartoon that would be a hate crime. White Otakus excuse this by claiming that Japan is an isolated island with no knowledge of the outside world. This is of course total bullshit because Japan has uber-technology (just look at their giant humanoid robots) and most Japs have more access to teh Internets than Americans (as well as access to mind-numbing video games). Hispanics are virtually non-exist in animu. IRL, Japs are just a very racist people but love everything Western, especially after their defeat in WWII. For some reason, in animu they seem to have a weird obsession with France. Of all the Western countries to be obessessed over, they choose FUCKING FRANCE.
They also refuse to call Japanese cartoons "cartoons" because this is an English word, and they have forgotten how to use it because of epileptic seizures induced by watching high amounts Annie May and eating overdoses of Paw-key (they're all fat). However, they are excellent at enraging every normal person within earshot, simply by bullshitting about these unimportant aspects of Japan.
[edit] Omg! Hot!
Animu chicks, with their irresistible giant eyes, piercing voices, oddly coloured she-mullet hair, their lipless mouths, and their tenancy to act like complete fucktards, have found themselves entering the wet dreams of many a lonely nerd, resulting in some even preferring animu ladies to real life ones.
This is probably because animu chicks don't care if you're fat, greasy and masturbate to lolicon, they don't slap you in the face when you compliment their tits before even properly introducing yourself and don't call the police when they find you in their room masturbating into their panties whilst holding their baby photos in your spare hand. The ladies of the animu world don't care about such trivial matters of which I just mentioned, all they want to do is engage in deviant sex acts with you. In this way animu girls are very similar to the Russians. Animu girls also have the amazing ability to materialize a bludgeoning weapon out of thin air and to yell "HENTAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII" at an ear-splitting volume and beat the living shit out of the male protagonists in animu.
See also Hentai
[edit] Fucking Fangirls and Fanboys
Animu has an enormous fandom worldwide consisting mostly of 16 year old girls, 13 year old boys, and 30-something basement-dweller males, and there are literally thousands of communities on LJ devoted to this art form. Hardcore animu fans call themselves otakus, and spend most of their time masturbating to and making AMVs.
Most animu fans pretend to have a high knowledge of Japanese culture and language, though they have never been to Japan or even read a book about Japan, and can't even say the most popular Japanese words like "animu" correctly. They often attempt to use Japanese words (but at incorrect times, with the wrong meaning, the wrong conjugation, and the wrong pronunciation) and also pretend to like eating Japanese cuisine, which their knowledge of is limited to Pocky ,sushi and Burger King which they also cannot pronounce and have never tasted in their life.
In some rare cases, a person can take animu in low doses, and still maintain some level of normalcy. A person who has been able to watch animu and still return from the brink may even maintain a healthy interest in Japanese culture without quoting Japanese culture incessantly, however, such a case is very rare. Fapping to anything animu is the point of no return. No fans over the age of 12 will admit to ever having liked Dragon Ball Z, but every single animu fan in the world got hooked on Dragon Ball Z before they watched anything else.
[edit] Japan loves teh cock
Everyone in or from Japan loves animu. If you meet a Japanese person who doesn't breathe, eat and excrete animu than that person is not really Japanese. In Japan you are considered a geek if your room isn't filled with manga, animu tapes and lolicon. The large role animu plays in Japanese culture has lowered the countries standards a little and if you're on a holiday in Japan with your young prepubescent daughter and you see a man next to you be sure to punch him in the face repeatedly untill he dies as that guy is probably wishing he could sprout tentacles and rape your daughter. Emos are also fond of watching animu as well, especially Pokemon, as some part of gay 'ironic' thing. It is not uncommon to stumble across an emo singing the Pokemon theme tune aloud, thinking he's the lulz and just being a general retard. It's people like these that make me thankful for AIDS.
[edit] Anime Genres
- Action -Usually a bunch of half naked men fighting the crap out of each other until the end of the world. Examples: Bleach, Dragon Ball Z
- Adventure -A group of kids or one kid going off on a wild wacky fun adventure. Usually not as entertaining as it sounds. You'd have more adventure if you spent the money you used on the Anime dvd on fruit and rolled them onto the road and watch cars run over them and when the police turn up afterwards. Examples: One Piece
- Drama Plenty of character development, and complicated plot twists and it 100% you'd only watch if your girlfriend let you feel her boobs afterwards. Examples: Ouran High School Host Club, Love Hina
- Horror Uses religious and supernatural shit with plenty of gore, guro and violence. Type anime you'd see on Cartoon Network every weekday morning. Examples: Hellsing
- Humor Have storylines devoted entirely either to endless references to some lame animu (Example: Lucky Shit) or sexual harassment (the Japs call it 'fanservice' and they seem to think that it is funny). Of course, there is nothing in animu that can be considered funny.
- Harem The main character gets surrounded by dozens of hot Annie May chicks (or guys) who yearn for nothing but to get some booty. Often accompanied by excessive fanservice to compensate for the lack of unoriginal storylines. Example:Love Hina, Ouran High School Host Club
- Robot/Mecha If you love deep plots then you will love GIANT FUCKING ROBOTS BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER! YAY!!1. Examples: Gundam Wing, Zoids
- Science FictionUsually set in the future.Expect to see plenty of Alien porn rule 34 wise. Fight scenes feature weapons including light sabres, laser guns and Furries. Examples: Futurama, Ghost in a Shell
- Shōjo Wapanese for 'little girl'. This genre features more merchandise then your mom can fit inside her vagina. Nobody dies and everything must look cute including the bad guys. Examples: Hamtaro, Sailor Moon
- Shōnen for Wapanese 'young boy'. These shows are aimed at young boys like the church and Michael Jackson is. Usually has little plot, plenty of heavy music and soft core hentai for there growing horny minds. Examples: Digimon, Pokemon, Beyblade
See also Animu Archetypes
[edit] Gallery of typical anime cliche's
 Typical animu depiction of Black people. |
 An example of a crucial plot point in manga. |
 A Naruto fan; also known as a "Narutard". Because only retards would waste nearly $30 on a shit headband. |
 AHHHHH!!! PISS!!! MY ONLY WEAKNESS!!! |
 |Animu girl kills herself. |
 The fact that almost every anime has 12 year old girls as sexual objects isn't pedophilia at all, it's just Japanese culture... |
 13 year old boys love Animu girls. |
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 You are bound to find this on an Anime fan's desktop. |
 lol |
 Standard episode plot to most anime. |
 HOLY SHIT! It's some sort of loli airplane machine! |
 Trying too hard to be funny. |
[edit] See Also
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Animu is part of a series on Anime. |
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