Free Speech
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Free Speech means you can say whatever you want whenever you want* to whoever you want. Free Speech is thus invoked in flame wars to act like a retard under the guise of protecting "basic civil liberties."
*Warranty void in Canada and pretty much everywhere outside of the United States. Free speech does not apply to making bombs, threatening to pwn the president, posting loli or shota in the state of Virginia, posting 09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0, creating keygens, or if your name is Mike Diana. Free Speech Sweepstakes expires January 1, 2008, many will enter, few will win.
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[edit] History
Long ago people did not have free speech and were only allowed to speak in 5-word sentences. Then they found out how much fun it was to yell 'fire!' in a crowded room and watch everyone stampede over each other to get out. Death and lulz ensued and free speech was born.
[edit] Free Speech and the US
Unfortunately, in the US free speech is distributed equally and whenever anyone is butthurt by someone else, they will not stop talking about it.
Free speech is protected in the bill of rights, but is ignored like the rest of it. For example, the first right is:
| “ | Congress shall make no law. | „ |
| —Buddha | ||
and yet they make at least 100 laws every day.
Some penalties for improper free speech in America include:
- Death by Stoning
- Prison
- Rapid Aging
- Loss of appetite
- Mudkips
[edit] Free Speech and the Internets
Like all other freedoms, free speech ceases to exist once you are on the internet. Unlike real life, which could be likened to a truck that things just get dumped on, the internet is actually a series of tubes, each of which has an owner who wields total power over everything passing through said tube. The internet could thus be considered a collection of despotic nation-states, each ruled by its own tyrant. Knowing this, it is clear that freedoms as we know them do not exist on the internet, and yet most people believe just the opposite. Some dictators even encourage this misconception by making their empires seem free, in order to lure their subjects into a false sense of security. In any case, much lulz ensue when misguided netizens finally come crashing up against reality. Many victims of this misunderstanding have in fact become so misguided that they proceed to directly dispute the actions of the local dictator, whom they contend is infringing on their right to free speech. The cycle inevitably repeats at least 100 times, until one party or the other gives up.
[edit] Free Speech in Second & Third World Countries
Many underdeveloped, communist, and former-communist countries have improved on America's version of free speech by regulating it. All citizens are provided with a list of approved speech, and this helps avoid problematic incidents.
[edit] Groups which Enjoy Free Speech
- Jews
- Blacks
- Basically anyone who isn't white
[edit] Groups with Limited Free Speech
[edit] Where Do I Use Free Speeches??
Free Speech may be used in places such as:
- Schools
- Basements
- Blogs no one reads
- Wikis with no more than 99 articles
Free Speech is not allowed in the following situations:
- Bathrooms
- Intarnets
- Weddings
- Wiki-Pedia
This article is carp. You cannot help by making it tl;dr.
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Free Speech is part of a series on Language & Communication. |
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| Free Speech is part of a series on serious business |
Internet Law • Irony • Internet disease • Internet drama • Identity theft • Free Speech Serious People |
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