Blu Aardvark
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Blu Aardvark is a bisexual internet tough guy who self-identifies as a pedophile and even worse is a closet furry (Seriously, is there anything he won't fuck?). Correction, he's not a furry: "I have a Freudian slip, and have been known to blurt out "Aardvark" from time to time as a tic. This became sort of an IRL handle for me at furry conventions, and I carried it on over to the internets." -- Blu Aardvark So he's not a furry. TOTALLY not a furry. Nope. Not at all.
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[edit] Myspace embarrassments
Anonymous discovered Blu Aardvark's Myspace page at [1], where he forgot to put up his internet tough guy act to compensate for a small penis, never having sex with a woman (men in female fursuits don't count), and having the voice of a 12 year old girl (Anonymous has called him on the phone. His dox are well known, just look at ED hosting them: Special:Listusers.) He says...
Preferences:
- "I'm really fond of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and pretty much anything Star Wars."
- "I have a low tolerance, however, for rap and heavy metal."
Career:
- "I attended high school for a few years, but eventually got my GED instead"
- "Currently, I'm working at a local mini-mart"
- "I've also taken a few college courses, but have stepped back on those for a while"
Blu Aardvark took a quiz [2] and answered:
- Q: "When's the last time you told someone you loved them?"
- A: "Does my sister count? ... though, I'd rather not go there."
- Q: "When was your last time you cried?"
- A: "Today."
[edit] Broke ass
Blu Aardvark dropped out of high school and works for minimum wage (see his his myspace). He's so fucking poor that he lives right next to the god damn airport (see map). Sleep much?
Why is he broke? Instead getting a job like anyone else, he spends all his time trying to get back on Wikipedia and failing. He got his entire ISP banned nationwide and when he switched ISPs, he could have started over, but instead he got banned for the same shit again and again.
He once tried to get rich by converting to Judaism as Jew Aardvark, a Jewish furry having pedophile tendencies. His entire source of income is selling canines he's molested as "sexually trained dogs". But Ebaumsworld reported him and PETA took away his animals.
Blu Aardvark couldn't even afford to come to Lulzcon 2007. Nobody else on ED was in Oregon, except for Lateral who is obsessed with TOW, just like him, where he goes by fake name MichaelLinnear. Lateral was first like "Sure, I'll give him a ride" then Aardvark said, "Does your trunk have room for my fursuit?" Long story short, Lateral withdrew his offer to give him a ride. [3] To save face, Blu Aardvark claims Lateral is just his sock. Of course as to why a sockpuppet would have a car, and not the puppetmaster no one knows.
[edit] His parents never loved him
In case you were wondering why Blu's life is an unending downward spiral here's why.
Not only was he taken from his real parents because they were John Day meth heads, but then the State also pulled him from his adopted parents because they let him spend too much time on the internet, instead of going to High School. In response he is planning on filing a massive law suit against the state of Oregon and Wikipedia for allowing him to become an e-addict in the first place.
He and his friends are also being targeted for destruction by the Furluminati; no doubt in retaliation for some of his unsavory activities, and because he wouldn't stop vandalizing the Furry fandom pages on Wikipedia.
| “ | Since then, DHS and the local police force have harassed our local Furcadia club, stolen our fursuits, tainted UA's, placed surveillance on our persons and vehicles, threatened several of us receiving state services, and multiple other unethical, unlawful, and unconstitutional practices. | „ |
| —Blu Aardvark | ||
[edit] How to troll Blu Aardvark
In some ways Blu Aardvark seems untrollable. He revels in linking to his advertisement for sexually trained dog that he claims someone else posted and say "Hey I'm not offended by it" so clearly some things don't bother him. Then again he posts those ads so much, maybe he did actually write it.
Despite all this, Blu Aardvark can be trolled and the result is well worth it. Here's how:
- This article oddly enough. At first he was mad about being called a furry. Then each new addition pissed him off.
- Blu Aardvark believes that everyone who doesn't get along with him or any of his alleged sockpuppets is the same person. Play this up and he'll never suspect you of possibly being anyone else. You don't have to remember the one person's names and if it's obvious you're not Canadian, it'll only convince him more as he'll think you're just hiding the fact that you're a Canadian. Just conceal your IP behind Tor if he can see it and you'll be set.
- Ironically the above fact really offends him. and strangely enough just saying this little statement pisses him off: "The most obvious part of an Aardvark sock is the constant mention of "Samsara" and "Anomo" and claiming these two users are the reason that Blu Aardvark got banned from Wikipedia, Wikifur, got put in foster care when young (this information is found on google), Blu Aardvark didn't graduate high school (info found on Aardvark's myspace), and maybe even global warming."
- Add some lulz to the Sceptre page that detail recent scandals and escapades by TOW's most famous limey wanker. BA agrees with teh rest of us as to just how pathetic the little Wikinazi piggie and defrocked admin is, but he doesn't agree that the patheticness has any lulz value whatsoever. I dunno...maybe he feels sorry for the twink in the same way you feel sorry for that cute cuddly collie lying dead on teh side of the road with a tire tread through its guts. But we still love BA because he's so trollable *and* cuddly! Must be all that blue...er...fur.
Note: Blu Aardvark will take special care to tell you how he has 'won' an argument at every turn, he will also twist words and use twisted logic to make himself seem superior. Remember, Blu Aardvark can never truly win an argument, since at the end of the day when everyone goes home, he is still a furry and you are not. In this sense, Blu Aardvark can never put forward a winning argument. Any rebuttal made under the invincible aegis of "But you are a furry" is a crippling attack.
[edit] Blu Aardvark the poet
Ebaumsworld uncovered Blu Aardvark's stash of whiny, emo poetry, all of which are butthurt whines over being made fun of in this article.
Names of poems:
- What's A Boy to Do?
- Why?
- Querida
- What If It Was You?
- It's Broke and I Can't Fix It
- Walking In a Dream
- To My Sister
- Restoration
- The Golden Land Called Love
- Now or Never
- Reach For Me
- The Tides of Time
- The True Knight
- Untitled If
- I Can't
- Verb
- Thinking of You
- Untitled II
- Forbid Me Not
[edit] Trivia
- How did SlimVirgin defend herself against feared troll, Blu Aardvark? She bought a dog; ironically, it was from Blu Aardvark.
- Blu Aardvark has a masterplan to save ED in seven easy steps akin to the Final Solution. Encyclopedia Dramatica:2007 Improvement Drive: HIS WILL BE DONE
[edit] See also
- Rebecca -- Blu Aardvark's ex-boyfriend/girlfriend depending on UR perspective
- Samsara -- Blu Aardvarks internet e-nemesis.
- Die Clown Die -- Essentially the Ant who sounds like Bing Crosby to Blu Aardvark's...Jew Deli Owner?
[edit] External Links
- Blu Aardvark on LiveJournal
- Blu Aardvark on Myspace
- Blu Aardvark on Fur Affinity
- Blu Aardvark on Wikipedia
- Blu Aardvark on the Wikipedia Review
- Blu Aardvark on Gaia
- Blu Aardvark article on Wikifur
| Blu Aardvark is part of a series on ED Government
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Executive Branch Theocratic Branch Judicial Branch Founder Documents |
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Note: this is an article about an Encyclopedia Dramatica user. For more information, please see the appropriate user page. To leave this user a message, please visit User_Talk:Blu Aardvark.
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Blu Aardvark is part of a series on Gaia Online. |
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| History: |
Usenet - GNAA - Bantown - Alt.fans.karl-malden.nose - Grog - Alt.syntax.tactical - Alt.tasteless - Andy Kaufman - Kenneth Eng - GOBBLES - Snopes - 2 Years for Trolling - Borat - Goatse - PP4L
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| Theory: | |
| Practice: | /b/ - Holocaust denial - Hello.jpg - Pain Series - Fox News - Ann Coulter - Weev - Blu Aardvark - Hep - Fail-chan - Fort Longcat/Patriotic Nigras - The Power 5 - Sparkling Wiggles - Spoiler - Nigger Manual - VoicEverything
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| Targets: | Feltcho - Ashi Moto - Duke Otterland - Gay Drama 2006 - TheRedSkull - Violetkitty411 - YouTube - Warbears - Waco - Vtech - JiZZy: Pakistan - Wikipedia - Pakis - MySpace - LiveJournal - Facebook - Harry Potter - DeviantArt - Mediacrat - Tawneelynne - Tom Galloway - Bravesgirl5 - InkLink - My Immortal - Tara Gilesbie
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Categories: Furries | Trolls | People
