New image board / forums for fun times: Anonymuncule

ED fans! The look back on 2007 video is out!

Jew

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

(Redirected from JEW)

Jump to: navigation, search

WARNING:

With Jews, you lose!

Offended?
Possibly, you are offended by the content of this page. If so,
please click here, and scroll to the bottom.

Warning: This article is about Jews or Israel. Therefore, you will find that the editors for this article are primarily of Jewish descent. But don't worry: They do not have any particular agenda.

The common Jew; notice the large, attention-grabbing features

Jews often practice animal abuse.

An amateur sketch of a wild Jew.

A Jew monster gains his ZOG-powers from surprise buttsecks with a poor, heroic Aryan.

How to spot a female Jew.

Jews, also known as 'kikes', 'heebs', 'hymies', 'yids', 'oven magnets', 'sheenies', 'swindlers', 'criminals', and 'filthy fucking human scum who should be wiped off the face of the Earth', are a subhuman species and adherents to one of the world's oldest major religions, called "Judaism", otherwise known as "The Worship of Moolah" or "Eating Arab Babies." Despite only being .22% of the world's population, Jews control 98% of the world's money. Not only do the Jews control the world, but also the media, the banks, the space program, and LiveJournal's porn communities. Experts at Stormfront believe that all supporters of miscegenation are actually Jews. All Jews have at least one of the following features: an extremely large nose, curly hair that reeks of faggotry, one of those gay hats, a bank, a law practice, or shitty taste in humor.

[edit] History

The front cover of the Talmud, The Jewish holy book.

There are currently over 9000 Jews worldwide, of which 90 percent live in either Florida, the Wedgwood neighborhood in Seattle, the Upper West Side of New York City (also referred to as "Jew York City" and "Hymietown"), Northern Long Island where they raise baby Jews on their golf courses (see also: Great Neck), Bethesda/Chevy Chase in Washington, DC's Maryland suburbs, and around Canter's Deli in Los Angeles. Most are involved with the Illuminati in a conspiracy to spread international faggotry and they are responsible for every major war. It is rumored that the Jews, in fact, have penetrated the Freemasons and control them directly, using their influence to control American politics by proxy. Some also theorize that the upper Jewish echelon consists of reptilian shapeshifters, but this remains as conjecture.

[edit] Jewish Slashfic

The Jews wrote some of the oldest fanfic still in existence, which is alternately called the "Old Testament" and the "Tanakh." Based on these writings, they obviously hate homosexuals. Sometimes as psychotic, violent and convoluted as a Shaw Brothers/Tarantino collaboration, the "Old Testament" AKA the Jew Testament is filled with acts of naked misogyny that would make any feminist instantly livid, as well as multiple counts of mass murder and homophobia akin to that of their future Teuton oppressors, partially redeeming this otherwise Messiah-denying lot of hooknosed bean counters. Also, unleavened bread consumption, hallucinating burning vegetation, daring HJIC Abraham to knock up some Egyptian harlot to create Israel's future "enemy"... the Jew Testament is full of hours of family-safe drama and lulz.

[edit] Jews and Jesus

Millions of years ago, the Jews nailed our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to a plank of wood for claiming he was the Messiah, then they'd go on to kill atleast 100 billion Christians and Muslims with their evil Jew ways.

[edit] Hating Jews for Fun and Profit

Hostility towards the Jews reached its zenith back in the '30s and '40s, when the Hitler fandom (called "Nazis" by some) started putting them in concentration camps, where each person was given a unique WEBTRENDS ID, that was tattooed on their arm so they wouldn't have to concentrate so much on remembering it. Their noble efforts at mass extermination was later dubbed the Holocaust. Unfortunately, Hitler was pwnd before he could finish. Some hoped that Arabs would finally get it done, but this was obviously too optimistic, see History of Israel.

[edit] Jews Did 9/11

Einstein was right

Some Jews, mainly Orthodox Jews are epic trolls.

After the Jews regained their homeland through completely legitimate means they quickly discovered that they had to share their squat of sand with a bunch of arabs. Getting rid of those Sandniggers was suddenly the only thing Jews could think about. At first, UN was sympathetic to the plight of the Jews, because, after all, no human should be forced to share things with Arabs. However, the UN soon remembered that killing Jews was the one thing that always united the peoples of the planet. Helping Jews is simply against everything UN stands for.

Now alone and desperate, the Jews needed to do something in order to get the stone rolling in the right direction. The Elders of Zion had a meeting with George W Bush, and decided to organize a "terrorist" attack against the World Trade Center. The Arabs were easy to blame, because they hate America and freedom it represents.

Simplifying matters even further, an obscure little Freedom-Fighting organization known as Al Queda, which just wanted to be recognized, was more than willing to take the blame. Their leader, Osama Bin Laden, was quick to issue a video claiming responsibility for the attacks and America, like the idiot dumbcunts they are, assumed they whom were responsible for the attacks.

The operation went much better than the Jews expected. Americans went into homicidal rage, first on Afghanistan and then on Iraq, and when there will be no more place for dead Iraqi babies in Tigris, they'll probably go for Iran.

Once the Americunt Military is done liberating Middle East from the Arabs, the Jews will move in and lick off the topping of oil the cake; the US will be left with the less tasty bottom, and a lot of Jew spit. In the aftermath, the Jews will once again have proven successful at manipulating the government, taking advantage of the media, extorting foreign opinions, killing random people, and seizing a large portion of oil to fund their needs and make more jew gold.

Did you know
that... the only thing smaller than a Jew's penis is a negro's "To Do" list?

[edit] Fun Facts About Jews

Jews = Lulzkillers

Jew-jitsu

Proof that jews are very....cheap

Jews did WTC
Jews are the only group of people in all of human history to ever be persecuted. They are the only race in all eternity to have a Holocaust done against them. Ever. Ever.
Jews own all the banks and the majority of the world's financial and political assets and use these to advance the interests of Israel, and at the same time are advocating a worldwide internationalist Communist conspiracy which would destroy the world's capitalist establishment. This makes sense.
Currently furries compare themselves to the Jews because Nazis are oppressing them. Along with everyone else.
If you do not support Jews or Israel, or if you like Arabs, then you are a terrorist.
Tripping a Jew is considered good luck in Australian and New Zealand cultures.
Jews can shapeshift! Beware!
Although no-one knows a Jews true appearance, we assume they look similar to, but maybe not exactly like furries.
Jews are one of the very few mammals whose life cycle includes eggs. After the JEW EGG has been laid by the female, it can only be fertilized by a doctor or a lawyer.
Jews eat Aryan and Arab young.
All Jews know Jew-Jitsu. Lawl.
Jews were the only people persecuted by the Nazis to get a free country out of it. As none of the other people persecuted during Hitler's European Tour got a free country they actually did quite well out of the Holocaust.
Arabic, the language of the Quran, is the most commonly used semitic language. Therefore anti-semitism is closer to anti-islam than anti-judaism.
The majority of the world's chubby, high maintenance girls are Jews.
Jews belong in the ocean, though their land-based places of origin also include Israel (where they bulldoze protesters) and the Crown Heights neighborhood of New York (where they sell diamonds to raise money for more bulldozers).
Quasidan and Simone are Jews. And no one else.
Jesus, a Jew, was the first Mary Sue to be recorded in history.
Jews have nukes. Nobody dares fuck with them. Except Palestinians, armed as they are with stones, pointy sticks and their newly-developed bulldozer repellent.
The Holocaust is completely irrelevant. Bring this up frequently whilst in the company of Jews. After all, it's hard to stay angry at someone who had just made you laugh.
Snob pieces of shit that need to be sent to the furnace, right now
Jews and Israel are intertwined. You cannot hate one without hating the other.
In Jews' defense, at least they aren't furries
Jews are known for their Jew gold, the bags of gold they carry around their necks.
Jews are hogging the holocaust
Jews are sexy, and I am in fact ~~making out with one~~ sucking cocks cause Im a huge faggot.

[edit] Jews and Gold

A Jewish piano

There are a few simple rules in relation to Jews and gold.

1. Gold which belongs to Jews is known as Jew Gold
2. Gold which is not Jew Gold will soon become Jew Gold
3. There is never enough Jew Gold

It is evident that there are problems when it comes to trade between Jews and normal people as a Jew's primary goal in life is to accumulate as much Jew Gold as possible. In December, every Jew in the world faps while counting their Jew Gold. This is known as Hannukah.

PROTIP: If ever pestered by the Hebrew folk distract them by throwing pocket change so you can get away.

[edit] The Jewish Question

Jews take your money even when you kill them

Pyramid of h8. Note that it is justified to hate those in levels above you.

Q: How many Jews does it take to repair a gas oven?

A: Dunno, they stopped trying at 6 million. lulz

Q: How many Jews can you fit in a Mercedes?

A: 18. 2 in front, 3 in the back, 2 in the baggage room and eleven in the ash tray.

Q: Why did Hitler commit suicide?

A: He saw his gas bill.

Q: Throw the Jew down the well!

A: So my country can be free!

Q: What do you do to a Jewish kid with A.D.D?

A: Stick it in a concentration camp!

Q: What's the worst part about being a black Jew?

A: You have to go to the back of the oven!

Q: Why did the Jews wander the desert for 40 years?

A: They heard that someone dropped a quarter in there!

Q: What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?

A: Pizzas don't scream when you put em in the oven.

Q: What do you call a Jewish baker?

A: Adolf Hitler

Q: How are Jews and Gentiles connected to each other?

A: Gentiles are sentenced to death by being circumcised, and then thrown into an oven.

Q: Why did a Jew get fired from a gas company?

A: He was allergic to gas.

Q: What does a Jewish child predator say?

A: Hey little boy, wanna buy some candy?

Q: Why do Jews light up a room?

A: Because they were made into lamps.

Q: A Jewish man with an erection runs into a wall. What does he say?

A: Ow my nose!

Q: Why does a Jew pick his nose?

A: It's cheaper than using a tissue.

Q: Why do Jews have big noses?

A: Air is free.

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: "None, dahling, I'll sit in the dark..."

Q: What's faster than a speeding bullet?

A: A Jew with a coupon.

Q: What do you call a jewish bank?

A: "Penny-Pinchers"

[edit] Keeping Kosher: An Introduction for Beginners

Beware Jew-Jitsu!

Zionist Jews are notorious for hacking blogs.

Jews follow dietary laws given to them by their God Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken, because they've forgotten how to pronounce it (modern scholars believes it was either Yod-Heh-Vav-Heh (YHVH), Jehovah, or Cthulhu). The kosher, or "kraut," laws are voluminous and complex, though the basics include:

Not eating the flesh of certain "forbidden" animals (such as pigs).
Not eating the flesh of other Jews. See the above for more details.
Ensuring that those animals that are killed for food be killed in a ritually sanctified fashion.
Not consuming meats, eggs, fruits and vegetables in combination with dairy products. The Jews thus despise cheeseburgers and omelettes, and accordingly both foods are outlawed in Israel.
Not consuming grape products, like wine, that are manufactured or touched by non-Jews.
Eating Aryan babies, usually at Passover and often with a delightful light sauce and table wine.
Avoiding Zyklon Knishes like the plague.
Never eating anything prepared using utensils or dishes that have been used to serve non-kosher food. No, seriously. Like I'm supposed to buy new plates so your Jew ass can eat your slop. Get back in the oven.

[edit] Slurpees and Kashrut

The good news for Jews is that nearly all Slurpees are kosher! Pareve even! Except for Diet Pepsi, which is only Kosher Dairy as it has an anti-freezing sweetener derived from milk. And the Piña Colada, not Kosher at all; stay away Jew.

[edit] The Jewish Dilemma

What does a Jew do when offered free ham?

[edit] Jews in Physics

The Jew is the SI unit of energy, according to my Chinese physics teaching assistant. Jews are a derived unit consisting of "nutrons" and "mereters."

Thus, the Holocaust was actually an alternative energy program; whereby, Jews were burned in ovens to power turbines and generate economical electricity from non-fossil sources. Some argue that after centuries and centuries of constant pwnage, jews had a boost in their average heat capacity, which makes them a cheap source of energy more than other races, although it's a well known fact that niggers have a high heat efficiency as well (and of course are cheaper than Jews).

[edit] Quote About Jews

A Great book for jewish children

“	I WILL BRING MY CATTLEPROD, MY MENORAH, MY FATHER WITH THIS MENORAH, MANY MANY MANY "RAPIST AND PEDO" RABBIS AND WE SHALL TORTURE YOU AND STRIP THE FLESH FROM YOUR BONES IN OUR FILTHY JEW LIKE WAYS	„
—David Finkleschmidtstein

“	Jews are the problem!	„
—The Patriot Dames

“	Jews are the problem!	„
—Hitler

[edit] Epic Quote

Helpful instructional poster about the Jewish race.

“	OK you arrogant wannabe nazi asshole. Raping is not funny, killing jews or anyone else is not funny, you are fake and you have to hide behind your bullshit to feel secure. Good ban me, but you can get your stupid inbred ass up and tell me like a man, not "you got ass raped" well when your mom or sister gets ass raped lets see how funny it is then bitch. and you know what it's not a crime for me to change the entire page. I also feel the need to inform you that I am jewish, and that all of that bullshit is highly offensive, and should you dare slip up, I will sue your site and you for hate crimes. Now would you like that how does it feel to be "pwned". Do you use that phrase because you were too busy fucking your inbred ass sister to open a book and learn to spell owned? Do you feel that you are superior because you can say shit like "I hate jews" ya, when someone says I hate white inbred ass bitches and points at you then how do you feel? HMM? Do you still try to make yourself look big by saying even more spiteful and hateful things, do you have to hide behind this because the only ass you come close to getting is the one in that pic becaus you have a small dick? Do tell why you are so insecure that you must use words like niggerloving kike? I'm suprised you can spell those words right, I guess having a penis the size of a grain of rice and trying to jack it off you just gave up and learned to spell. Next all I need to do is wait and watch and as soon as you slip up I will have an attourney speak to you for the charges of hate crimes. So I expect a reply unless all of what I'm saying is correct. And next time I suggest watching what you say and allow to be said. Now you can return to getting cock in your ass	„
—Butthurt Jew

[edit] Commentary

This quote embodies the true soul of the Jew. He starts out with a Jewtastic argument about racism, but reverts to the typical "stupid inbred sister fucker" garbage that you expect from some butthurt fucker on the internet. He then goes on to say that surprise buttsecks isn't funny, which we all know is incorrect. Also, notice how he resorts to a threatening a lawsuit, the jew's primary defense.

[edit] Famous Jews

Jews often pray to their "God" in the nude in a daily prayer they call "davening."
"Plz, God, make it bigger..."

[edit] Insignificant Jews

[edit] Jew Videos

[edit] A Visual Guide to Jews



A guide to Jew identification.	MOTHERFUCKIN KIKES ON A MOTHERFUCKIN PLANE	How to tell a jew.	Jewish Media Propaganda

[edit] Jew Gallery

A fat nazijew from Lettland.	Proof that jews did WTC	Did someone lose this?!?	The definition of Jew.
Typical Jewish boy.	Prairie Dog can smell jews.	Hello dere.	Wanted dead not alive.
Jew-traitor.	Beware of Jews in space.	Google finds Jews particularly offensive.	Little known fact: Jews are murderous clowns.
Several jews are reported to have died from seeing this logo.	His mom was a Dutch and his daddy a Jew so his son is a DutchJew	at least they're happy	Pretending to be Arabs to do ter'rism