Totse
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Totse, or Temple Of The Screaming Electron, was a throwback to old-school BBS days when being a hacker was about information, instead of being some sort of generic fashion statement. The main focus of Totse is the Community Bulliten Board, followed by the text files section which has articles that appeal mostly to rebellious 13 year old boys who want to get revenge on their nazi parents or wanting to plan the next columbine. On the site you'll find information related to computer security, discussion of politics, even some stuff about religion. Of course, 90% of the articles consist of:
OH LAWD IS DAT SUM MILITIA!
- Poorly written "instructions" on how to make bombs that will in all likelihood get you killed or arrested without doing any actual damage
- Pornography
- Long tirades about crap that people don't like
- Stuff accusing Jesus/Allah/Budda/etc of being a stoner/gay/enlightened/etc
- Links to pornography
- HAI TO YOU!
- Boners
- Endless outdated phone "hacking" techniques
- How to get high off raid and many other household items
- The 100th revision of the The Anarchist Cookbook textfile
- Other useless, obsolete, pointless information.
- ????
- Profit!!!
- Nothing
However, totse wasn't all about text-files, there was a fairly large forum with over 9000 registered users, most of which are spam accounts & sock puppets used to harass the oppressive moderators. Totse was created by Jeffray Huntar who does not really run the site at all, instead he shows up once every couple of years to get drunk and vomit all over the servers causing the occasional downtime, leaving his tweaked out moderators to deal with the mess.
Totse had existed for a long time, and used to be the original source of lulz before websites like 4chan came into existence. Since then some chanfags have tried to overrun Totse with their forced memes, although they have been often met with sheer disappointment seeing as how registration is almost always closed for newfags thus preventing Totse from getting the cancer BUT now that registration is open things are going to get a a lot worse Totse is safe from cancer by not existing. Totse thrived on its own set of memes, articles, lulz, trolls etc. It still has its own IRC channel at Slashnet by the name of #totse, where newfags can try and suck dick for getting inside.
Moderators of Totse included Zok, Metaphysicist(later on became a supermod) and Euda(now demodded for not kissing Meta's ass), every other moderator is just a sock puppet of these three.
[edit] Orientation Video
An accurate video regarding totse and it's faggotry.
[edit] November Flush
On November 2nd, 2008 someone got ahold of one of Jeff Hunter's old admin accounts and proceeded to have a little fun with the forums. Half Baked was his first target, removing the two mods and replacing them with people who hate HB. Then, as if it couldnt get any dumber after that, a random user from the board was put in charge for about two seconds before posting was suspended. LOL N/M ITS GONE!!11! It came back, but thousands of people had lost posts from their postcount. Oldfags are new arrivals
In order to save totse from this rampaging fool some mods took it into their own hands to ddos the site. That's how totse solves problems; kill the patient to cure the disease. Jeff hunter killed the patient finally.
The suspected user was probably some chav who likes to troll the tinfoil hat wearers of totse.
Some say there was also a literature forum and a military forum deleted, but its absence is not felt.
[edit] Totse Forums(no longer exist)
[edit] Spurious Generalities
What used to be a gathering ground for emotionally damaged ethical hackers, SG over the years had become a massive chatroom for morons to bitch excessively about how much they hate the moderators for locking their retarded topics, and other typical teenage problems. If that wasn't bad enough, fail had received an upgrade thanks to SG being overrun by the same The Cancer That Is Killing /b/: Clueless newfags thought that overusing old memes and image macros was the most hilarious thing in the world. Spurious should be avoided at all costs, unless you actually want to reverse the effects of puberty. Breeding point of MR HAI.
[edit] Better Living Through Chemistry
This was your typical drug forum consisting mostly of kids drinking whatever they can find under the sink to get a buzz. The one difference with this one was that this was the recruiting grounds for most of the totse moderators. The job description for moderators on totse required them to take more pills and illicit substances than ripper to stay constantly awake to handle the tidal wave of teenage lunacy that totse's userbase dealt out.
People in BLTC had also been known to think windows movie maker will produce high quality videos.
[edit] Sex and Affection
![Xippili and Tsunami [married].](/web/20090121143258/http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Image:Typical_totseans.JPG)
| —colorsoc |
- I tried to fuck a toaster... seriously...
- Alright, theres a highlighter stuck in my ass.
- Omg this girl likes me! WHAT DO I DO?
- If I wait 6 months do I get my virginity back?
- I had sex with this guy, and now I regret it.... can I charge him for raping me?
- If I don't lose my virginity by 15 should I get a hooker or kill myself?
- I'm 14 and my penis is 17inches long (I'm not lying...NOT LYING!)... will this be enough to satisfy my potential girlfriend?
A very common and very touchy subject among the massive angsty teenage male population, was the whole self-proclaimed "Nice Guys" misogynistic rant about how apparently all women are whores because they don't want to be near whiny repulsive stalkers. This is a fact, most if not all of totse users were virgins and had no lives. You want a woman? Get off the computer and spend more time outside.
[edit] Bad Ideas
This forum was the reason why at least half the people join totse, filled to the brim with people talking about things that could get them put in jail for a very long time openly and freely, thinking that using the term SWIM (Someone Who Isn't Me) would protect them from prosecution.
[edit] Weapons and Combat
Rednecks and Niggers whining that politicians are nazis because they won't let them own armor-piercing-highexplosive-depleted-uranium-120mm 600 round per minute machine guns with a personal 300 kiloton hydrogen bomb launcher. The other half of the members were wapanese who have watched Kill Bill one too many times and buy shitty 50$ samurai swords; preaching this bullshit rhetoric that they had some kind of honor and can deflect bullets.
[edit] Backyard Ballistics
Also known as the "bomb making forum", backyard ballistics was where wannabe terrorists and pyros learnt how to make explosives out of everything from peanut butter, to dipping your genitals in nitric acid. To become popular here, your best shot would have been to post topics about the informative knowledge of the "The Anarchist Cookbook" that you learned from bombshock. Saying bomb here apparently resulted in a IRL B&
[edit] Moving Pictures
There were only four types of topics here:
- Pulp Fiction quotes
- Donnie Darko discussion
- Fight Club discussion
- Dead Nigger Storage
[edit] Half Baked
Half Baked was Spurious Generality's intelligent yet retarded brother. It consisted of a small community made up of MILFs, niggers, emos, women, Albinos, gay people and some respectable posters. You would have to experience Half Baked for a long time in order to like it; IE: until you contracted violent retardation. Half Baked was the pain in totse's ass. HB'ers are responsible for having the rep system disabled and the majority of totse's trolls were HB'ers Also: Green Lantern is no longer like a dick without wings. EDIT: Yes he is! Sadly the users in this forum are lonely loser virgins who wouldnt know how to bang a woman if she fell onto their dick.
Half Baked in its essence as told by Frank.
| —DaGuru |
[edit] Bitch And Moan
This Was the parasitic twin of half baked, that just happens to have AIDS.
[edit] Forum Functions:
The Totse forums used to run on a 75 year old BBS scripted in notepad that had been beaten, disemboweled, raped, and looks like Windows™ 3.1. Since it was so old, many users abused one of a million loopholes which allowed them to stretch the pages as wide as the goatse man's anus. Another drawback was that there could only be a maximum of 4 moderators per forum; this had driven most of them to the brink of insanity, and many are known to have taken massive amounts of crystal meth just to handle the job. However, as of the 4th of April 2007, at 07:18 UTC, the old BBS was replaced with a shiny new, but homosexual vBulletin system, in a massive revolution of clusterfuck. REGISTRATION IS OPEN MUTHERFUCKERS!1!!1!
Now Totse is not existing.
[edit] Rep System
A short-lived feature that allowed one to have a graphical representation of their e-penises to show off to one another. This ill-fated feature was exploited and gang-raped until it drowned in an e-Bukkake. Thankfully the user known as Harold has failed to get the mods and admins to reinstate Rep. Harold has failed at his bs protest and life itself. There have been recent changes to the board including: Buddy Lists, profile messaging, and the tagging of threads. It is speculated that Jeff will rename totse to the facetemple by the end of the year. Totse has it's own flag and national anthem because we all know Totse is serious business.
[edit] Flood Control and 5char
Sometime a few years ago, Jeff was getting sick of people flooding the boards with scat porn, and making worthless posts to inflate their e-penis (post count in this case); so he decided to place a essential device called Flood Control. Basically, whenever some asshole decides to post a topic immediately after another, it stops them from posting for 63 seconds. Not bad eh? Only problem is that a large chunk of totse members cannot grasp the oh-so-simple concept that a BBS is not a fucking instant messenger. People still to this day bitch about how 63 seconds is just too long to wait. Amazing isn't it? But then again, one should never underestimate the violent stupidity of the teenage mind. Since its placement, flood control has kept totse from spiraling into complete faggotry. It should also be noted that both New Orleans and Atlantis could have benefited from flood control.
One other side effect of the new Vbulletin software is that no post can contain less that five characters, preventing the old +1 (to post count) posts and threads. This was done in an effort to get people to actually say something, but it was soon figured out that simple bit of ASCII trickery would get around 5char by making blank spaces.
[edit] Memes
Over the years the totse forums had 3 main memes before being completely overrun by the INTERNET HATE MACHINE. These included:
- Huff Raid: Quite possibly totses biggest meme due to the fact that it is a part of a fairly lulzy forum event. Sometime in 2002~3 or so, a kid went in "Better Living Through Chemistry" and asked the typical "How do I get high off of household materials?". It is said that member "pennylane" as a joke told the kid to huff raid bugspray. Surprisingly the gullible moron fell for it and said he would try it. A day or so later the kids account made a post that was titled to be from his mother, claiming that he was in the hospital. The forum members told her how stupid she was, told her to Gb2/Kitchen, and other insults to which she replied "I will get all of your IP's and you are all going to JAIL for this". It is not sure what ever happened or if it was just trolling, but the story lived on to become a meme on the forums. LAWLz
- Murder/Suicide: Totse members usually hemmorage angst on a daily basis causing them to post long boring emo rants that lack spelling or maturity. Murder/Suicide became the most appropriate answer to any of these kids problems. Very similar to the TITS OR GTFO mauver, that will either make the guy shut up or become an hero.
- Molotov Everything: Another response to solves ones problems.
- SCREEAAAAAAW:Some faggot once made a thread about what it would be like to ride around on pterodactyls instead of cars, and this is what totse had to say: SCEEEEEAAAAAAW
- dome(head): Spawned when a retard came to totse for advice on how to get dome(head).
- My Uncle gave me Herpes:This new meme is as bad as the time my uncle gave me herpes.
- Jenkem: The guy you see making/huffing Jenkem in all those pictures? A totsean named pickwick.
- HB Culture of drugs and guns: HB Culture of drugs and guns.
- You're a hardcore Faggot: The Response when you anger Half Baked
[edit] Forum Warfare
In the days before the existence of YTMND & 4chan (who later became enemies), totse was on their own. Their shitty software was prone to attacks such as the SPF raid. The totse basement-dwelling elite found a solution to their problems: TOTSE ARMY. The totse army was a group of hackers and skript kiddies who would stand up against totses enemies; executing massive spam attacks against their forums. They were basically an early form of internet military. The first targets in their career were the long time rivals at bombshock after some idiot from there came to totse with the sole intent of trolling the shit out of the place.
Now though, the long gone army may be coming back; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WasQkSgIcvM
Also; http://www.bebo.com/JeffH795
When they got bored they decided to do forum raids against random communities (much like 4chan's /b/). Things went well until they decided to attack the "The Lord of the Rings Fanatics Plaza". After the army finished raping and goatseing the shit out of the place, the forum dwellers called Jeff Hunter and threatened legal action. For the first time in at least 100 years Jeff Hunter actually posted on the forums and basically told everyone to knock it the fuck off. He then pulled out his massive cock shaped banhammer and sodomized the totse army. The totse army is still around, but has moved to drawball. Totse once tried to make a gigantic "TOTSE" banner on drawball last year however, they were all too damn stupid to organize their efforts resulting in 2 crappy banners that got thoroughly pwned by the Koreans.
[edit] Media Controversy
The media often does specials on totse due to the fact that any searches from "how to make a bomb with household items" to "how do I lose my virginity to my sister" will turn up totse as the first and most relevant search. About a few years ago, the Canadian media blamed totse for turning all of Kamloops, British Columbia into a gigantic meth lab. As of recently the Canucks are back at it again with totse being shown on CTV citing that totse turned 17 ordinary white Canadian citizens in Ontario into full blown Muslim extremists.
Australian media also blames totse for being the most sophisticated online terrorist training ground in the world, and features a pic of a totse user on their "National Security Information Campaign" poster. PROTIP: Look closely at the outdoor PDF.
As of Friday 27th October 2006, some totse member hacked a parking lot sign in a perfect example of Shameless self promotion, causing lulz among morning drivers. [1] [2]
Once Again LAWLZ
November 2nd, 2007, Chollier County, FL sheriff's department circulates a memo about a new drug, Jenkem. Local news gets a hold of this lolcow and shows just how stupid old media really is. The video includes pix of Pickwick and his wonderful creation with TOTSE clearly visible on the container. Story Here.
[edit] TsuN00bie Summer '08
As of July 4th, Registraion for the forums opened after a year of being closed creating a wave of new users wanting bomb instructions and how to inject jenkem or smoke nutmeg.
[edit] She's gone u gaiz
Its not a hoax, totse is officially dead, dumbfucks.
[edit] Totse Comics
Totse has it's own comic series made by Jeff Huntard himself.
 Many lulz at members' expense |
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 DRAMA in the series pt 1 (don't read... may cry!) |
 DRAMA in the series pt 2 (sad reader is sad) |
 WritingACock gets real advice |
[edit] Gallery
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 User In Bloom... |
 ...put his dong... |
 ...in this thing. |
 FAGGERY DAGGERY DOO! |
 KILL YOURSELF LOL |
 A typical SG Thread |
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 lol, Meta |
 And she's just damn ugly. |
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 Only totse newfags refer to totse as &T |
[edit] Famous totse.com Members
[edit] Totse clones
Totse2.net
[edit] See Also
- Text files
- Ascii art
- Anarchy
- The Anarchist Cookbook
- Cult of the Dead Cow
- The TOTSE Brsbane Meetup Jan '08
- Paladin-Press
- Bombshock
- RottenEggs
- Pyro
- Jenkem
[edit] Things That Rhyme with Totse
[edit] External Links
- Totse
- Totse users show that they are still 1337 HaXorZ
- An accurate flash video about Jeff Hunter
- Totse Comics
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