IPhone
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| John McCain invented the iPhone! |
The iPhone is an iPod... with coast to coast tard talk. Now you can call fellow fucktards and tell them about how you just spent an asstastically large amount of money on your new phone bought the new iPhone for $599 US Dollars. Jewfails love the iPhone because it sucks dick, and it is the only thing they like more than Jewgold and ovens.
Contents |
[edit] Bend over, Apple incoming
The iPhone is Apple's newest way to Jew you, hardcore. The phone retails at $5,000-$6,000 Jesus bucks, but only costs Apple $250 and a bowl of rice (to feed the Asian) to make. Don't forget when the battery dies (and it will) you get to send it to Apple and pay them to have one of their Asians, monkeys or Asian monkeys to do something every other phone company in the world allowed you to do yourself. They will also delete all your data on your phone, too, because they're too lazy to back your data up. If any Jewfails were to complain, it's off to the oven, you Nazi!
Pros
- Screen that fat people will smudge with their sausage fingers.
- Fingerprint identification (see above)
- Easily digestible for the average fat person
- Pretty colors
- Blendtec blenders blend it
- You can break an Xbox by dropping an iPhone bill on it.
- The older phone got cheaper plans with AT&T than most of AT&T's smartphones, but now that's all gone...
Cons
- DOES NOT COME WITH A HELMET (Dual purpose, lets other people know you're a tard and prevents head trauma related to tardness)
No GPS (a needed feature for tards, home is green)(only the new ones have GPS)- People sound like robotic shit
- Can't capture video
- The camera is like a Jewfail rip-off
- Maddox has a full rundown
- Does not teleport (despite promises to the contrary)
- Each software update is over 200 megs and can only be downloaded through iTunes and iTunes refuses to pause or save the download so when you get disconnected, you have to re-download the whole thing. iTunes, like Quicktime, changes to a new version every 2 days requiring a 70 meg download each through Apple's software updater program.
- Screen cannot be cleaned with anything capable of disinfecting such as ammonia or even alcohol. Attempting to do so will break the iPhone.
- No insurance--once dropped, you have to buy a new one.
[edit] Service Provider
As if it isn't enough that retards are shelling out over 9000 dollars for their shitty overpriced phone that nobody will call them on anyway because they have no friends, you also have to use AT&T, which will stick it in your ass every month with a 300 page bill that is HUEGER THAN XBOX!!111!!1ONEONE1
At this time, there's no way to unlock Apple's latest monstrosity for use on other service providers. HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS. The Jews at Apple were successfully trolled IRL by one of their own when Jew hobbit Frodo Baggins, under the internet handle "geohot", unlocked the iPhone after he refused to believe that one does not simply unlock an iPhone for use in Mordor. Now lucky iPhone users can use their iPhones on T-Mobile. EVERYBODY REJOICE! A few hours after saying he didn't want to make money off of his work, Frodo placed the phone for sale on eBay, along with this gem on his blog:
| —geohot cashing in on his fame |
Apple supposedly bought a dog to prevent further Jew trolling attempts.
[edit] How to make money off of iPhone
- For $50 each, buy counterfeit unlocked iphones from Asia with removable batteries (save customers $80 bucks plus $50 phone rental when changing the battery).
- Sell on eBay. (All iphones sold on eBay are unlocked and all unlocked sold as new are counterfeit.)
- Close the bank account associated with your PayPal account when customers file disputes for their money back in PayPal.
- After being suspended from eBay, sell the fake iPhone on iOffer where counterfeits are welcome with open arms.
- ??????
- Profit!!!
[edit] iPhone 3G
Announced Last Thursday Crapple found a new way to piss off fanboys by releasing a new phone a year later.
The features include:
- 3G To download your CP faster, which will also get you V& quicker, and that's if you're in one of AT&Ts shitty ass 3G coverage areas.
- GPS Which stands for Get Past Spear Chuckers. Now your iphone will tell you what place is a black neighborhood so you can quickly GTFO
- Better Battery life. Only 10 minutes longer! But it eats up the battery twice as fast.
- Higher Bills. Pay $10 more for the SAME PHONE a month!
- No unlocking. You gotta get it activated by the Jew salesmen at the ATT store. Fail.
- Tiny fucking cracks all over the phone you bought because it looks good.
- A soon to be announced recall because of a glitched 3G antenna amplifier that makes the iPhone not pick up 3G coverage in the same areas that other phones do. Quality Engineering.
The iphone still won't get you laid....unless if you want to continue to get fucked in the ass by an AIDS infected Steve Jobs.
[edit] How to commit EPIC FAIL using an iPhone
Last Thursday some dumb 16 year old whore (excuse the redundancy) had buttsecks and lost her virginity on a beach, the slut was so pleased that she felt the immediate need to tell her bff and wrote her a message with the text "OMG! Just had 1st time on beach! Gr8! wish u were here", but being the dumb cunt she is she send it to her daddy, creating much drama and lulz.
Way to go, silly bitch!
[edit] Camera Phone
If your going to take photos of your aunt in the shower or attempt to kill a cat remember that the iPhone's photos contain the GPS coordinates within the EXIF data of each photo. It is always important to remember to remove such evidence before posting photos on b.
 Old School Trolling |
 Attempted cat killer lives here |
[edit] Conclusion
Asshats buy iPhones, don't be an asshat.
The iPhone is the anti-lulz, and only meant for Jewfails.
[edit] Trivia
- You have to supply your own lube when you take it up the ass for a 500 dollar phone.
- Other phones have more features and still look good.
- People in the United States are more likely to spend money on a worthless item with an Apple logo while taking it up the ass from a horse than get a job and contribute to the Earth
[edit] Video
[edit] Typical
[edit] Giant douche
[edit] Nerd Surgeons dissect iPhone
[edit] Jewish caveman fights iPhone
[edit] Now at Walgreens!
[edit] Bill O'Reilly reviews the new 3G iPhone
[edit] The new features of the iPhone 3G
[edit] iPhone for poor fucks
For those who can't afford a cell phone plan. You can get the ipod touch. It's the same fucking thing at the same fucking price, only there is no phone part and as of last Thursday you have to pay $20 bux to get the same apps that iphone faggots have.
Of course butthurt Applefags have started a Petition. Of course we all know that they are successful
